Enneagram – Type ‘DEFECTS‘ (Part 3b)

enn defects 3b

 

I WISH I DIDN’T HAVE TO
deal with these defects

PREVIOUS: Enneagram Defects, Part 3a

SITE: Each Type explained as Ego-driven, Pathological & Self-actualized

 

TYPE 4 – The INDIVIDUALIST (also 3w4 & 5w4, somewhat)
FEAR: of being insignificant, unseen, without identity – so they become hypersensitive, moody & pretentious
INTERNAL Story: “I must always be unique”

WEAKNESS : Being ordinary is experienced as boring, but it also makes them ‘feel’ like a nobody, so they’re jealous of other people-places-things. Insist on having all of their emotional needs met at once
DEFENSIVE PATTERN: 4s use ‘introjection’ to avoid ordinariness and maintain a self image of being authentic. Internally they magnify a positive ideal, as well as obsess on self-blame for any painful outcome ​

HIDE from others: “I’m not as sensitive as I appear to be.”
Envy/jealousy that other people seem to have more & are treated better than themselves – leads 4s to develop an aura of emotional hyper-sensitivity. They want to receive special treatment, thinking it will compensate for all the unfair treatment they’re experienced

PROJECTION: 4s avoid being ordinary, so ‘commonness’ is projected out onto others, who are experienced as being detached, insensitive, overly cheery, plain, predictable, rude, shallow AND not terribly interesting or refined.  4s experience themselves as unique & interesting, yet never understood. So they feel it is up to them to restore class, refinement & sensibility to the culture

MANIPULATE by: being erratic, temperamental, playing ‘hard to get’, making others “walk on eggshells”
Create CONFLICT by: being dramatic, emotionally demanding, moody, pretentious, self-absorbed, self-indulgent, temperamental, withholding

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TYPE 5 – The INVESTIGATOR (also 4w5 & 6w5, somewhat)
FEAR: of being helpless, useless & incapable, becoming emotionally overwhelmed, so avoid as much contact as possible with the world
INTERNAL Story: “I must always be detached”

WEAKNESS: Their urge to know everything on a topic or situation helps avoid a sense of emptiness. Insist on personal space & non-interference
DEFENSIVE PATTERN: 5s use ‘isolation’/ being withdrawn to avoid feeling small & helpless, & maintain a self image of being all-knowledgeable. This provides the space to develop a sense of structure & try to understand their ‘problem’

HIDE from others:“I’m not as smart as I appear to be.”
Holding back / isolating allows 5s to keep from sharing their emotional life with others – mainly relating by their intellect. Their source of strength is in their accumulated knowledge, using it to keep others away

PROJECTION: 5s hate looking foolish (not knowing something), so they project their ignorance out onto others, often feeling surrounded by a confederacy of dunces (Sherlock Holmes….). Others are considered to be emotional, foolish, overly effusive and chatty, myopic, oblivious, shallow-minded, stupid. 5s have the option of avoiding others entirely by withdrawing from the field, OR of researching and discovering the truth, & then enlightening everyone else

MANIPULATE by: staying preoccupied with thoughts and projects, detaching emotionally from others
Create CONFLICT by: being detached, extreme, high-strung, impractical,
isolated, preoccupied, provocative, unconventional, uncompromising
http://www.infjs.com/forums/showthread.php?t=25006&highlight=enneagram+type+one

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TYPE 6 – The LOYALIST (also 5w6 & 7w6, somewhat)
FEAR: of never having support, & not being able to survive on their own – so they become defiant, defensive & suspicious
INTERNAL Story: “I must always be secure”

WEAKNESS : Anxiety, doubt & worry lead to a lack of trust in themselves
& therefore indecision & procrastination. They fluctuating between the need for be close and need to be alone, between self-distrust & over-reacting
DEFENSIVE PATTERN: 6s use ‘projection’ of their feelings on to loved ones & authority figures​- to avoid experiencing personal rejection, and to maintain a self image of being loyal
HIDE from others: “I’m not as committed as I appear to be.”
Fear of experiencing punishment & disapproval from an internal or external authority figure, drives 6s to be overly-responsible and loyal. This makes them seem committed to any given cause, BUT the commitment is mainly to their own need for security

PROJECTION: 6s avoid being disobedient & vulnerable, so they project rebelliousness and power onto others, who are experienced as
flighty, isolated, overly trusting, negligent, reckless, threatening and trying to get away with something.
— For fearful 6s the world is experienced as disappointing & unsafe, so it is up 6s to create certainty, order, safety & security everywhere
— Counter-phobic 6s (not conscious of great fear) project ambivalence out onto others, especially authority, seeing them as inconsistent and untrustworthy, giving a need to scold or train others to be consistent and fair

MANIPULATE by: being evasive, complaining, testing others’ commitment to them
Create CONFLICT by: being blaming, defensive, doubtful, evasive,
negative, pessimistic, reactive, suspicious, worried

NEXT: Defects – Part 3c

Enneagram – Type ‘DEFECTS’ (Part 3a)

defect part 3
I HATE TAKING MY INVENTORY
it makes me feel hopeless

PREVIOUS: Enneagram ‘Defects’ (Part 2)

QUOTE: “ People are wonderful; people are difficult. The Enneagram helps us make sense of both these statements” ~ Peter O’Hanrahan

EACH TYPE develops their own way of coping with a lifetime of stressors, which often end up adding to our distress.  'defects' Part 3
Notice on this chart how each WIC reacts to the lack of positive nurturing. 
As you read thru the following descriptions, keep in mind you don’t have to identify  with every aspect, even if you know your #.  Your specific Wings, Arrows, & other sub-types all need to be taken into consideration to have a clear picture of  your style.
w = each Type has 2 wings – additional modifying characteristics – one on either side, with one as a preference.  EXP: 5w4 & 5w6.  MORE in other posts.

TYPE 1 – The REFORMER  (also 9w1 & 2w1, somewhat)
FEAR: of being corrupt & “bad,” (not good) so they refuse to recognize their mistakes, and take even mild suggestions as criticism
INTERNAL Story: “I must always be perfect”

WEAKNESS : Becoming frustrated & angry when things or others don’t meet their high standards. Insist on being correct at the expense of their association with others. Al-Anon asks: “Do you want to be right, or do you want to  be happy?”

DEFENSIVE PATTERN: 1s use ‘reaction formation’ – an opposite or unrelated reaction to an authentic feeling – to avoid direct anger, & to maintain a self-image of always being right

HIDE from others:  “I’m not as perfect as I appear to be.” Anger & frustration in part comes from 1s being resentful for having flaws. They’re convinced that if they’re seen as less than perfect they’ll lose their position of the moral authority & arbiter of logic

PROJECTION: Since 1s avoid their own anger & imperfections, they project those out onto others – whom they experienced as being critical & angry towards them.  In general, the world is experienced as being careless, flawed, frivolous, imperfect, messy & wrong. They feel obliged to clean it up, straighten everyone out & get them back on the road to perfection (so they themselves can feel ‘safe’)

MANIPULATE by: constantly correcting others, playing on others’ sense of guilt & deficiency, insisting others share their standards
Create CONFLICT by: being opinionated, critical/self-critical, impatient, irritable, judgmental, rigid, perfectionistic, sarcastic

   

TYPE 2  - The HELPER  (also 1w2 & 3w2, somewhat)
FEAR: of being unloved & unappreciated, so they play favorites, judging some people more worthy of their attention than others
INTERNAL Story: “I must always be connected”

WEAKNESS : Have very poor boundaries, & help others instead of taking care of themselves.  Insist on exclusivity and ever more nearness

DEFENSIVE PATTERN: 2s use ‘repression’ of personal needs / feelings to avoid seeming to be needy (which they are), to maintain a self-image of being all-loving, & gain the approval of others

HIDE from others: “I’m not as caring as I appear to be.” Pride prevents 2s from overtly expressing their needs, so they try to get them met indirectly, secretly. They believe that by being constantly helpful, others will reciprocate – as if their good deeds are vouchers to be cashed in later. But others don’t know that’s the deal & therefore often disappoint 2s

PROJECTION: Since 2s avoid their own needs, they project that out onto others, who are experienced as cold, critical, heartless, indifferent, mean, prickly, selfish, withholding AND needing help. So 2s think it’s their job to scope out & empathize with the needs of others and minister to us, thereby making themselves indispensable

MANIPULATE by: mind-reading / scoping out what other people need or want & then catering to them, creating secret dependencies
Create CONFLICT by: being clingy, flattering, ingratiating, insincere, people-pleasing, possessive, seductive, self-important, self-deceptive, worried

   

TYPE 3  - The ACHIEVER  (also 2w3 & 4w3, somewhat)
FEAR: of being worthless & without value, so they create a too-good-to-be-true image, & push to achieve at any cost
INTERNAL Story: “I must always be outstanding”

WEAKNESS : Believing that an image of being successful comes first rather than expressing who they really are. Insist on career and social status over relationships

DEFENSIVE PATTERN: 3s use ‘identification’ to avoid failure and maintain a self image of being successful. Focus all their energy on an idealized facade and lose their True Self in the process

HIDE from others: “I’m not as together as I appear to be.” Self-deception causes 3s to put on a ‘I have it all together’ persona, as anything less would not meet their need to be the best. They can’t face the possibility that others would see them as a failure or incapable

PROJECTION: 3s avoid failure & inefficiency, so these unacceptable features are projected out onto others, who are experienced as being aimless, the source of all failures-inefficiency-ineptness, in danger of entropy, limited, losers, wallflowers, AND in need of assistance & guidance from the Three

MANIPULATE by: charming others, taking on/ adapting to whatever image will work to keep up appearances Create
CONFLICT by: being “appropriate” instead of sincere, boastful, competitive, grandiose, overly-driven, self-promoting, taking advantage

NEXT: Type Defects (Part 3b)

BOOK Suggestions

images-1

The TOOLS – to help & inspire you to live life in forward motion”
~ Phil Stutz & Barry Michaels   / thetoolbook.com

COMPLEX PTSD”  –         Recovering from Childhood Trauma
~ Pete Walker

TRAPPED in the MIRROR” – Adult Children of Narcissists In their Struggle for Self
~ Elan Golomb, PhD

PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS” ~ Maxwell Maltz, M.D.
Cybernetics is a network of constant feedback loops in the brain, correcting its course & receives further feedback on the success of the transmission. This allowing us to travel to places we don’t have the instructions for beforehand, & build on the history of our actions.
 Pls let me know if these are helpful.
Thanks, DMT

Enneagram – Type ‘DEFECTS’ (Part 2)

448355-p011_3 

AM I WEAK? AM I BAD?
I just want to forget it all!

PREVIOUS: Type Defects, Part 1

SITEs: Enneagram for spiritual transformation – we love & hate it
Karen Horney and the Enneagram

WHEN TRYING to identify our own Type most people will choose the number that makes us look good & reject the one that indicates our Shadow side. However, the ‘normal’ defense of each number is the most direct indicator of our True Number, so it’s best to start with the list of the 9 Grand Passions.  Even though we share a portion of all nine qualities with everyone else, determining our type will depend on the main motivation for our behavior, & the Passion gives us that.

Deep & honest introspection will provide the AHA! moment, admitting the truth about our unhealthy side. We can think back to what we were like in our teens & 20s, when our reactive style was in full bloom. What was our overall behavior & attitude toward people-places-things? AND – is it how we still deal with life now?  Richard Rohr says a rule of thumb is: “Whoever is not humiliated has not yet found his or her ‘number’!”

Fatal Flaw: It’s important to make a distinction between each Type’s perceived Fatal Flaw & the very real acting-out of damage, via ones Passion/Vice.  Everyone wants to see themselves & be seen by others in a certain light. To hold onto our idealized self-image & keep it up in public, we have to completely deny acknowledging the thing we’re most afraid we are or might be. It’s the specific weakness that would bring us the greatest S-H if revealed – the real OR imagined flaw we take great pains to conceal, sometimes even from ourselves. 

● This ‘flaw’ generates a painful emotion specific to the Enneagram’s 3 sub-divisions: 2,3,4s feel Shame / 5,6,7s feel Fear / 8,9,1s feel Anger (expanded in other posts).  In addition each Type also gives us our ‘Core Emotion’ (based on the 7 Deadly Sins + 2):
Type #1 = Anger, #2 = Pride, #4 = Envy, #5 = Greed, #7 = Gluttony,
#8 = Lust, #9 =Sloth // + Type #6 = Fear & #3 = Deceit

To avoid having these feelings, we often gravitate toward things that aren’t in our best interest or are outright dangerous.  Each type tries hard to avoid experiencing its:     2 Insignificance // 3 Failure //4 Ordinariness
—- 5 Ignorance //  6 Irresponsibility // 7 Emptiness
8 Weakness //  9 Hostility // 1 Unworthiness

IRONICALLY, none are real defects! They only seem so to the person, while other types will not consider it such a bad thing, & may even find it laughable. All are various expression of being human – realistic limitation common to all. Only the grandiose IDEAL sees it as a personal weakness!

Projecting our Passion/Vice : Because the Gift-turned-Vice makes us see the world in terms of partial & distorted information, each protective style also creates a projection – causing the person to use their own defense against others.  The saying: “If the only tool you have is a hammer, then everything is a nail” implies that we must not use just ONE way of responding to ALL situations, & that some things are harmed by being pounded on, such as delicate emotions.
EXPs: It’s not OK to: talk away someone’s emotions (5), try to make others perfect (1), control everything around us (8), tell a sad or angry person to lighten up (7)….

TRAIT 2-4

TRAITS 8-1

TRAITS 5-7

Enneagram’s MAYA ILLUSIONS (Ginger Lapid-Bogda, PhD)

2s That being so focused & intent on others means that they themselves actually can do no wrong
3s That doing what they think they want is more often doing what they think they should want, not understanding the difference between the two
4s That being so ‘in touch with their feelings’ & pondering them with such  continual intensity makes them real, when the emotions they explore & express are neither their deepest nor their most real ones

5s That they don’t either know or experience their feeling states, when in  fact their emotions are extremely pure
6s That by focusing on serious issues, & bearing down on a problem with great intensity, confronting it will somehow get it solved or resolved
7s That they are propelled in perpetuity to live a life with a deep hole inside, when all they need do is GO inside to find themselves

8s That they don’t dare let their guard down, because if they do, something terrible will happen to them (or their loved ones)
9s That they are so consistently kind & nice, without recognizing that their under-experienced & unexpressed anger has painful consequences for them and others
1s That being so completely self-controlled will give them the joys and pleasures they want as a reward for being so good

NOTE – We must not be ashamed of our inherent protective style – it’s a necessary part of our psychological makeup. The problem comes from it’s overuse & then rigid adherence. If we can own it, then we can work on healing the original wounds, so the distorted defense is progressively less needed – & turned back into the GIFT it was meant to be!

So DO NOT use this info against yourself (S-H)!  Your Type also provides parallel discoveries of hidden & rejected positive qualities.

NEXT: Enneagram ‘Defects’ Part 3

Enneagram – Type “DEFECTS” (Part 1)

enn weaknessI DON’T WANT TO ADMIT TO
my biggest weak spot!

PREVIOUS: Enneagram Basics (#3)

SITES: Enneagram Videos
The Enneagram of Individuality
List of NEG Characteristics  

  
The PASSIONS/Vices are the characteristic defensive styles each Type is born with to cope with life’s stressors. Each VICE/Passion with its accompanying Fixation - the opposite of the 7 Virtues (+ 2) - can also be called character defects, main Emotional Issues, Mental Habits, defensive styles, used here interchangeably.

Our Enneagram Number tells us who we are (Nature), along with our basic defensive style (Nurture), shown by how we habitually react (Es) & what we do (As) - especially when stressed.

● The Passion is the form of self-protection which we automatically gravitate to – based on our fundamental personality – originally a positive style of Being we can call our gift. This gift is a necessary & effective strategy for our survival as children, used to cope specifically with an unhealthy/unsafe upbringing, & in general with the universal difficulties of growing up.

– For most people the Passion gradually becomes a warped version of our Basic Self, exaggerating & twisting the very quality that is supposed to be our cushion & shield. Instead, prolonged childhood damage turns the gift into a burden. It becomes a chronic internal preoccupation & counter-productive driving force, putting us in a ‘type trance’, with limited & distorted ways of understanding & dealing with reality.
EXP: The Passion of #1 is Perfection, the emotion is Resentment, & the Mental Fixation is Judging.

Enneatype & Fixationsenn FIXATIONS
The Enneatype is the tool for human expression free of longing & searching. It can be described as an imaginary membrane between fixation & freedom, the basic energetic pattern of human potential before it becomes perverted.

Fixation is being stuck in a Freudian psycho-sexual stage of development (oral, anal…), as a result of the child feeling ‘not enough’, incomplete, & therefore separate, not connected. This separated self is a physical/mental contraction which tightens up into the Type’s fixation, creating all inauthentic or unnatural behaviors, driven by desperate longing, & a search for the impossible.   (Fixation CHART)

The Passion develops in a 3-stage process:
a. IDEAL: Karen Horney, in Neurosis and Human Growth says that “gradually & unconsciously we create an idealized image of ourselves, which entails self-glorification, & gives us the much-needed feeling of significance & superiority over others.”  This eventually leads to type-specific character defects.
EXP of Types uncomfortable with the Enneagram:
– 4s, the romantics who don’t want to look at the negative side of others
– 7s, the narcissists who never want to see their own negative side.

Enn Ideal Slef

b. LIFE STANCE: Our preoccupation with this self-image prevents us from allowing anything to seep into our awareness which would contradict or negate it. According to Horney, if we only look at the world thru ‘idealized glasses’, then our primary concern is not about what we truly feel, but whether or not we are safe. To feel safe – from being discovered as imperfect – and be able to stay inside the idealized bubble, we develop strategic but artificial ways to cope with life that override & bury our genuine emotions, wishes & thoughts.

Enn Life-Stance
c.
UNDER STRESS: In addition to our ‘regular’ in-authentic mode, when we have to deal with stressful situations, especially in the long-term, our fixation gets darker, turning into the negative Passion/Vice. We act out a twisted version of our self-image, adding to our burdens. Our over-reaction may be a temporary but characteristic flare-up, or the way we usually deal with people-places-things, even when not directly faced with a problem. Either way it separates us from others instead of drawing us closer together – making our life even more difficult!  (MORE re charts….

Enn Under Stress

NEXT: Enn “Defects” (Part 2)

Enneagram – BASICS (Part 3)

ennea people

I’M SO CONFUSED! there’s too much to know

PREVIOUS

SITE: Re. Wings & Arrows Enneagram Theory: The Arrows  

OUTLINE of the Enneagram – The information & internal connections between the numbers of the Enneagram are complex & subtle. In addition to the meaning of each Type, there are many other things to look for.

TRIADS There are several kinds, & this is not a complete list: SubTypes, based on how they function best in the world. Each group has its own intensity, emotional focus & physical center: 2, 3, 4 = Heart & Love-Shame /  5, 6, 7 Head & Fear-Anxiety  /  8, 9, 1 Gut & Anger-Rage

Instinctual Types are Social, Self-preservation & Sexual/Intimate, each Type expressing all three in their own way

Social ‘Movement’ (interaction), instinctive style: 2s, 6s & 7s go Toward others / 4s, 5s, 9s move away from others / 1s, 3s & 8s go against others

Harmonics: 4s, 6s, & 8s are Reactive / 2s, 7s & 9s Have a Positive Outlook / 1s, 3s & 5s focus on Competency

Object Relations connections: 3s, 6s & 9s Attach (join) / 1s, 4s & 7s Frustrate (are ambivalent) /  2s, 5s & 8s Reject (push against)

Importance: 1s, 4s & 7s feel Smaller than the world  / 3s, 6s & 9s adjust themselves to the world  /  2s, 5s & 8s feel Bigger than the world

ARROWS – Each Type relates to 2 other numbers, at the opposite end of their connecting lines, usually at the far side of the circle. – When we’re relaxed, one of these numbers enhances us, as we add some of those positive qualities to our — When we’re stressed the other weakens us, as we add some of those negative qualities to our native style

WINGS – These are the numbers on each side of every Type & we tend to choose one or the other to modify our own. EXP: We can be a 1 with a 9 wing (1w9) or a 1 with a 2 wing (1w2)…. Each has a ‘title’ & allows for easier connections to people of that adjacent Type, whom they may not otherwise understand or get along with. EXP: Type 8 (intense, easily angered, dominant) is extremely different from a #7 (lighthearted, rarely serious, irresponsible) but a 8w7 can get along with a 7w8 reasonably well since many traits overlap.

LEVELS – each Type will also be expressed in 9 psychological levels, from most damaged to healthiest. While the goal is to improve oneself, the levels do not automatically imply moving upward, and not everyone starts out from the lower 3. Most people live in the middle 3 – the ‘Average’ range – & some are able to function in the top 3.

DESIRES & FEARS – Each type is drive to gain their Heart’s desire & to avoid – at all costs – their greatest fear. People living at the lower Psychological Levels are run by their fear & sadly their dysfunction coping mechanisms often increase it. As one moves up to higher levels, the Desire begins to be the stronger motivator for our actions & interactions with others.

STRENGTHS & WEAKNESSES – Each Type is most easily defined by their “Passion” or negative defense, & their whole life is built around it. So a 3’s Flaw/ Vice is Deceit, a 9’s is Sloth…. The goal is to grow into our Type’s highest potential, the positive version of your number.

REASONS to study The Enneagram (& other personality systems) a. For US: Accurately identifying & studying our Type, including all its complexities, can help explain how we function in relationships, what kind of career suits us best & how we are at work, what our gift are, what defenses we use to ‘protect’ ourselves & therefore what needs to be corrected….. so we can stop saying “I don’t know who I am”

b. Re. OTHERS: All ACoAs start out desperately wanting/ needing to be be understood & connected with, to the point of symbiosis. This makes it hard to see others as individuals with a core identity of their own, especially if they’re very different from us. As we become emotionally healthier & want to function well in the world, we greatly benefit from learning about the basic nature of all the other Types, so we can relate to others based on who they are.

ALSO – it’s imperative to identify extremes of damaging behavior (cruelty, mental illness….) in our family, friends, loves & bosses, as ACoAs have : – very little realistic frame of reference for ‘sanity’ — built-in blinders to the repeated abuse we’re subjected to, even when part of us is aware of it — a compulsion to white-wash our perpetrators, so we don’t have to distance ourself or leave them

IMP: Most people come to the wrong conclusion as to their Type because the correct one is based on our defensive style rather than our better qualities. It’s hard to see our automatic way of functioning, so in spite of S-H, most of us are in denial about how we habitually protect ourselves. To find the truth we need to start with each Type’s ‘Basic Flaws & Fears’. If we’ve done extensive self-inventories we’ll be able to pick out the one that consistently fits our behavior & attitudes. 

Using the BEST qualities of the 9 Types to form a successful ‘Product’ business, one would need:

# 8 The Leader / Maverick, with vision and confidence

# 4 The Individualist, for a well-designed product, and a sensitivity to its emotional impact on the public

# 5 The Investigator, for technical expertise and innovative ideas

# 1 The Perfectionist, for ethical standards and quality control

# 3 The Achiever, with promotional and communication skills

# 9 The Peacemaker, to bring people together and to listen to them

# 6 The Loyalist, for teamwork and self-regulating feedback

# 2 The Helper, to serve people and anticipate their needs

# 7 The Enthusiast, with energy and optimism

NEXT: Enneagram WEAKNESS & Healing

ENNEAGRAM Basics (Part 2)

9 type peopleTHIS IS SO INTERESTING!
I’d like to know more

PREVIOUS: Enneagram Basics (#1)

SITEs: Variations & Types of the E.
“Who are you Enneagram” – sites
Enneagram LEADERSHIP Types
EXTENSIVE description of each type


BOOKs
: “The Three Keys to Understanding” by Pat Wyman, combines the MBTI, the Enneagram and Inner Child Work
—  “Are You My Type, Am I Yours?, Relationships Made Easy Through The Enneagram” ~ Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

OVERVIEW
#1 Reformer / Perfectionist – (Terrier) SELF IMAGE: I am perfect.
• The GOOD person, highly responsible, fixated on improvement: orderly, principled, rational idealist, reasonable, self-righteous.
— They’re driven to do the ”right’ thing. Often critical of self and others, have a over-developed sense of responsibility & are prone to repressing their anger

#2 Helper / Giver – (Cat) SELF IMAGE: I am helpful.
• The LOVING person, who needs to be needed: caring, concerned, generous, nurturing, manipulative, possessive, well-meaning.
— They will go the extra mile to please others at the cost of taking care of self. Gives a lot and is proud of it, but strings are often attached

#3 Motivator / Performer – (Peacock) SELF IMAGE: I am successful.
• The EFFECTIVE person, focused on looking successful in order to be validated: adaptable, ambitious, arrogant, goal & success oriented,
image conscious, pragmatic.
— They’re efficient, achievers, goal-driven and focused on being a “winner”. Concern is with appearances, style over substance, often refusing to be introspective/self-aware, they crowd out family & friends

#4 Individualist/Romantic – (Basset Hound) SELF IMAGE: I am unique
• The ORIGINAL person, seeking identity, who feel special and different: artistic, aesthetic, depressive, intuitive, self-absorbed, sensitive, withdrawn.
— They crave self-expression & emotional depth. Sensitive to beauty & meaning, prone to melancholy, they feel inadequate & envious

#5 Thinker / Observer – (Fox) SELF IMAGE: I see thorough.
• The WISE person, who tends to withdraw and observe: analytic, cerebral, eccentric, innovative, original, perceptive, provocative.
— They recognize & can synthesize information in new ways. Are emotionally detached, protecting their privacy & personal resources

#6 Loyal Skeptic – (Rabbit) SELF IMAGE: I do my duty.
• The LOYAL person, with a major conflict between trust & distrust: anxious, cautious, committed, engaging, hardworking, responsible, traditionalistic.
— A term-player OR rebel-vigilant, they’re always scanning for threats from the environment. Are loyal and engaging, but full of contradictions which create self-doubt and indecisiveness

#7 Enthusiast / Epicure – (Monkey) SELF IMAGE: I am happy.
• The JOYFUL person, pleasure-seeking, always planning – something, in search of distraction: accomplished, excessive, hyperactive, manic, uninhibited, versatile
— They have a perpetual surplus of new schemes & goals, they’re eager for experiences and/or material goods. Habitual optimism covers a fear of boredom and pain

#8 Leader / Challenger – (Rhinoceros) SELF IMAGE: I am strong.
• The POWERFUL person, taking charge in order to not be controlled: authoritative, challenging, combative, confident, decisive, determined, executive, powerful, self-sacrificing
— They’re driven to control self and environment, they’re capable of both domination and protectiveness. Vulnerability and a tender heart are hidden under a tough exterior

#9 Mediator / Idealist – (Elephant) SELF IMAGE: I am content
• The PEACEFUL person, creating harmony: complacent, disengaged, easygoing, optimistic, phlegmatic, receptive, tolerant.
— They’re good at seeing all points of view, trying to be a peacemaker – while easily distracted from noticing personal needs and priorities. Avoid direct confrontation & can be passive and immovable.

HOW each Type would approach a RIVER to cross
Imagine a large group made up of all 9 Types traveling together, coming to a river without a bridge. How do they deal with this obstacle? Each type is unaware of their True Nature, yet unconsciously approached it in their own ‘compulsive’, default style. Notice not everyone gets across!

ONES search for & find the only ‘perfect’ place to cross
TWOS start to swim across, then double back to help others. Because they continue to do this, they never get across themselves. Some drown from exhaustion
THREES wait at the edge until they’re the center of attention. Then they wear their best outfit & swim with fancy strokes

FOURS cross using a variety of artsy styles, even doing a water ballet
FIVES never get into the river. They hide behind a tree & and take notes on what everybody else does
SIXES either fearfully grab onto someone strong to help them across, OR stride into the water & do the traditional over-arm stroke

SEVENS splash, dive & generally have a party, and it doesn’t matter if they get across or not, as long as they’re entertaining the crowd
EIGHTS march into the water and swim upstream – against the current, but they always get across. Some even help the weaker ones
NINES amble into the water and float downstream – with the current. If they don’t drift out to sea, they eventually land OK

NEXT: Enneagram – Basics (Part 3)

ENNEAGRAM Basics (Part 1)

ENNEAGRAM

FINDING OUT MY TYPE
makes me squirm

PREVIOUS: Double Binds (Part 12)

ARTICLEs:Using the Enneagram from a multi-dimensional perspective

The Enneagram, Jung & MBTI

QUOTE: “Always remember that it is your birthright and natural state to be wise and noble, loving and generous, to esteem yourself and others, to be creative and constantly renewing yourself, to be engaged in the world in awe and in depth, to have courage and to rely on yourself, to be joyous and effortlessly accomplished, to be strong and effective, to enjoy peace of mind and to be present to the unfolding mystery of your life.”
Don R. Riso and Russ Hudson, The Wisdom of the Enneagram (p. 41)

INTRO
Essentially the Enneagram shows us how we CAN BE, at our best, as well as how we are – in our weaknesses. It is a merciful delusion-buster that opens us to the truth of our experience by the use of radical awareness and compassion.
• It is a Map of Wholeness. Its primary purpose is to study the universal Human Soul expressed in each of us, to connect us with what is deeper than our persona – legitimate but limited – and to that which does not come from our ego-fixations (weakness to be overcome).

• It is a “nature/nurture” system, with both social & genetic components to each Type, psychological templates tied to brain development as well as the influences of our environment, & so can be considered ‘programs’ or life-scripts. They also point to Carl Jung’s 9 psychological processes of consciousness & 9 distinct versions of the his Shadow archetypes, all of which makes the Enneagram a powerful system for self-understanding.

• The 9-point diagram gives us nine different sets of values & filters through which we can view the world, a way of describing inner experience as well as conscious self-image. But it goes deeper, indicating unconscious motivations as the source of thoughts, emotions & actions. It can help people recognize & expand the boxes they’re already in, & ultimately a way to dissolve those boxes.

• Although everyone has some aspects of all 9 numbers, we are each born as one basic type, with the others operating in the background to drawn from throughout our life. Based on this foundation we then develop a ‘passion / fixation / weakness’ as a reaction to our earliest experiences. This fixation governs our outlook & behavior until modified or corrected.

• The Enneagram symbol is an ancient form to describe the path of self-development. It can be traced at least as far back as the Greek mathematician Pythagoras (c. 500 BC), developed by Christian & later Sufi mystics (c. 500-1000 AD). It was re-introduced in the 20th cent, starting with the Armenian mystic George Gurdjieff (a controlling Type 8), the founder of an influential Inner Work school, who drew from Sufi tradition & focused on sacred dance.

• Then Oscar Ichazo, the South American student of ancient wisdom, formed the Arica School, updating the Enneagram by creating a system of Types using Gurdjieff’s ‘chief feature’ as a starting point. More recent writers, including Claudio Naranjo, Don R. Riso, Russ Hudson & Helen Palmer, have developed the Enneagram further, adding a psychological emphasis to its spiritual base.

The symbol is made up of :
A circle, representing the whole experience of life. It’s used as a Process when moving around the circumference, and as an Experience if taken as a whole, or as a Point in time. It speaks to the cyclical nature of change – death follows life, life follows death – with its progression through time

enn SYMBOLA triangle, dividing the ‘one’ into 3 parts, representing Processes that have internal intention & connection to each other. The points touching the circle (9, 3, 6) are where external energies provide the fuel needed to drive any process, including needed Change. It exemplifies the universal Law of Three (man-woman-child, Body-Mind-Spirit, the physical-emotional-intellectual body)

The Six straight Lines show the Processes which overlap & are coordinated. They are the ‘one’ divided by 7, which equals a repeating fraction* (.142857142…), not including the triangle points. Placing these decimals around the rim form the 6-line web showing the essential internal movement of the universe, & gives us the direction of our personal growth-work as we move around the outer circumference. The “missing” 7th line is the point in the center of the circle.

*The Enneagram has been associated with the invention of the decimal system.

We can say the Enneagram is:
● a mirror, reflecting the truth of who we really are.
● a map, guiding us toward growth and liberation.
● a catalyst, speeding our journey of self-knowledge & transcendence. .

NEXT: Enneagram Basics (Part 2)

Double BINDS – Solving (Part 12)

ruggia0694cBEING THE CAPTAIN OF MY SHIP
is scary but liberating!

PREVIOUS: Double Binds (Part 11)

INFO & CHART BY (Below): James Lawley, presented at June 1999 ANLP , with Penny Tompkins

BINDS
Levels: Every person or system has its own built-in self-preservation, & acting to maintain their identity (in unhealthy or healthy ways) – as seen in the family mobile. To do this successfully, the system is able to change at one level (lower) in order to maintain itself an another ‘higher’ level. See DBs, Part 2.

• However, these same processes which keep a system from dissolving or spiraling out of safe bounds can also act to block, brake, constrain,hinder, inhibit or prevent development and transformation
-via BINDS: any repetitive self-preserving pattern which never-the-less is inappropriate or unhelpful, & which the person has not been able to change

• Although the organization of each bind is unique, they can be expressed many ways – non-verbally, as multi-layer conundrums, in recursive patterns (repeating itself indefinitely), conceptually – such as the line by Groucho Marx, “I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member”, & metaphors: “I’m trying to run round a track to overtake my ideal self twice, and the more I develop the more the gap widens.”

RESOLVING binds in THERAPY
As clients become aware of their binding patterns they’re faced with a hard choice: to be forever trapped in the bind OR risk moving into that scariest of places – the Unknown. But as their binds become clearer and clearer, they may spontaneously reorganize, which modifies or eliminates their need to DB themselves or others.

PROCESS – See chart
• Name and locate the parts of ones metaphoric ideas (what’s underneath the beliefs, using “Being stuck is like ….. Because …..” statements)
• Clarify the relationships between components, and the patterns across ideas / beliefs
• Once identified, the patterns themselves can be named, symbolically represented and explored

• Thus the modeling process (gathering all the elements & then subtracting what’s not relevant) continues at a higher, more inclusive level of organization (DBs, #2).
The combination of components provides a Metaphor Landscape, a context in which a pattern of the patterns – the larger organization – emerges, which provides the conditions for change

Note: The “Operational Closure” at each level of this procedure occurs when the various components and their inter-relationships are clear enough so that the whole ‘fame’ is brought into the person’s consciousness
Full explanation of Chart…..
resolve DBs

Double BINDS – Positive Use (Part 11)

DBs - contrastTHERE’S ALWAYS A WAY AROUND
if I only knew how!

PREVIOUS: Double Binds (Part 10)

SITE:Talking to Toddlers: Double Binds in Parenting Young Kids”

QUOTE: “If a man achieves or suffers change in premises which are deeply embedded in his mind, he will surely find that the results of that change will ramify throughout his whole universe.” ~ Gregory Bateson

After all these post on the ‘evil’ of D. Messages & D. Binds – would you believe there are actually ways to use DM for good?
On the one hand they can cause untold suffering. On the other – the pain can motivate us to transform ourselves, if we’re willing to do the work.
Invaluable leaps in learning & personal development involve “including & transcending” (Wilber) both our negative and our positive binding patterns. Often our greatest strengths come from being doubly bound to enact them. Steve Jobs couldn’t not innovate.

PSYCHOLOGY
PURPOSE: to help clients release painful emotions & get past their resistance to positive changes. Sometimes clients don’t want either choice of a positive bind, even tho both are to their benefit. DBs are one of the most effective indirect language device available for inducing trance, as a way to encouraging therapeutic ‘movement’.

• The POSITIVE use of DBs was instituted by Dr. Milton Erickson, as a therapeutic tool. He first learned the art of the DB from his father, who would ask, “Do you want to feed the chickens first or the hogs, and then do you want to fill the wood box or pump the water for the cows first.” The elder Erickson gave Milton a choice of which chore to do first, but the boy was not free to leave the chores undone. Erickson admitted he consented mainly because he chose the order in which he did them.

Clinical Hypnotherapist Dr. Jay Stone uses double & triple binds to subtly aid the client. EXP:
Double Bs “Will you apply your lesson of self-care before or after you let go of your resentment?” THEN:
Triple B “Will you apply your lesson of self-care daily, weekly or monthly?” If the answer is ‘daily’, then clients are asked: “Will you
apply your lessons of self-care 1 time, 2 times or 5 times a day?”

• In two-level communication, the conscious mind gets a choice, but the unconscious mind does DBs - POSITIVEnot
• In the triple bind, the client’s conscious mind is allowed to choose how often to apply the lesson, but the unconscious mind has agreed to self-care as soon as the conscious mind made its choice of frequency.  USE Sample Form

ACoAs: This way of using DBs is very effective with toddlers (see ‘SITE’ above) and is worth learning to use with our WIC, who is usually resistant to more direct forms of change.  (Read more…..)

WIN-WIN We can learn how to create win-wins for ourselves and others, using positive / therapeutic DBs to help create a desired outcome, rather than living in anxiety. This would make both Sender & Receiver right, no matter what they do or say. Once we’ve mastered the skills to deal with DBs, we gain greater confidence. There are five dimensions of the Win/Win model: Character, Relationships, Agreements, Supportive Systems and Processes.

Examples from Business &/or Parenting Screen Shot 2013-09-08 at 4.29.04 PM
a. When forging good relationships is the main focus & goal, Win/Win is the desirable outcome.
b. BUT in a competitive situation OR in an unhealthy one, where making a safe connection isn’t possible, Win/Lose is a valid option.  (More….)
• In that case, the “Purpose frame” is applicable – to give the other person what they want (actual need), but not what they asked for (request).
EXP: Eskimo needs warm feet…. (Read )

2. BUDDHISM
Alan Watts, philosopher & theologian, noted that DBs have long been used in the East as a therapeutic tool & a path to spiritual wisdom. The Zen Master purposefully imposes them on his students through various skillful means (upaya) in the hope that they achieve enlightenment (satori). One of their most prominent techniques, especially in the Rinzai school, is called the koan (unsolvable problems), where students are posed a Q. and instructed to pour all their mental energies into finding the answer.
EXP: A student can be asked “Show me who you really are.” OR “What was your original face before you were born?”. These are to be meditated on until the student can give an appropriate answer.

• Since there is no correct answer possible, the goal is for the student to become so frustrated in the quest that the ego relinquishes its hold, and the student gains enlightenment by seeing through the false mind of duality – the DB. According to Watts, the student will eventually realize there’s nothing to do, and nothing they cannot do, to present their True Self, thus learning the Buddhist concept of anatman (non-self) via reductio ad absurdum.

• Bateson’s book “Towards a Theory of….” tells of a Zen koan: The Master holds a stick over the pupil’s head and says fiercely:
— If you say this stick is real, I will strike you with it
— If you say this stick is not real, I will strike you with it
— If you don’t say anything, I will strike you with it ….
…. and the student submits to the conflict in order to learn. The pupil might: reach up & take the stick away from the Master, then break it, or make it into a broom stick to sweep the room, or…. This would resolve the impasse, and the relief of finding a way out would be its own reward. (3rd possible way to counter a DB, see Part 3).

• Since the ZEN master is trying to help, he’s relatively open about the contradictions presented, accepting and approving of the student who finds a solution to the dilemma.
In contrast, in a destructive DB relationship, unacceptable contradictory parts are presented covertly or in a way that makes them inaccessible, so that the victim who does finds any way out is made to be wrong or otherwise punished.

NEXT: DBs – Part 12

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