Ennea Type 8 – Flaws in us ALL

type 8 

PREVIOUS: Type 7 flaws
IMPORTANT: To understand the meaning / purpose of each topic, review ‘Type Flaws in us ALL – INTRO’.
Associated Type inside the  ( )

Type 8 COWARDICE because of Cognitive Distortions (#6)
— Re. asking for support: believe that only the weak ask for support, & that others aren’t strong enough to support you anyway
— Re. appearing weak: think that showing any vulnerability or anxiety is a chink in your armor, which others will take advantage of
— Re. being completely honest: think that you’re always truthful, even though it’s not always true (nor possible)

Type 8 FLATTERY (#2)
— Think strategically about how to “win over” potential opponents, by flattering them & appealing to their ego or self-interest
— Think it’s better to not say something that could be construed as negative, therefore using deletion as a form of flattery
— Act completely interested in someone then abruptly or completely withdraw – a good hint you weren’t sincerely interested in the first place

Type 8 LAZINESS – Indolence (#9)
You don’t appear indolent – in fact you often seem to be in touch with reality, but…like all of us, you can also:
— Obsess about whatever you lust after (8’s excess) as a way of avoiding feeling vulnerable
— Believe your ‘truth’ or sense of reality is accurate, so can be too lazy to think through all other possibilities that are valid
— Go into mental denial that something’s wrong, even your health

Type 8 MOODINESS (melancholy & resulting separation) (#4)
— Convinced there isn’t anyone who can or will truly support you
— Believe you can handle everything, big & small, so when you can’t, you can get lost in mental gloom & doom
— Think about the tremendous suffering & abuse in the world, which you believe you should be able to stop from happening

Type 8 PLANNING – as compulsion (#7)
— THINK about how to take charge
— how to not be taken advantage of
— how to get things under control
— how to expand you territory

Type 8 RESENTMENT (#1)
— be disgusted with & dismissive of someone who you believed in – when they waste, misuse or not use – their potential
— confused & obsessed about something important you can’t make happen
— outraged when you’re not in control of something you believe you have a right to be in charge of

Type 8 STINGINESS (#5)vulnarable
— about sharing power, because of assuming it is limited. So if others have it, your own power is diminished
— about sharing your vulnerabilities, believing if you do, others will take advantage of it
— about your protectiveness, thinking you should & can protect others from abuse. But are highly selective about who you choose to ‘help’, & have trouble seeing when some of your behavior is abusive

Type 8 VANITY (#3)
— Think you’re stronger than other people
— Believe you can make happen anything you want to
— Think that your truth is The Truth

Type 8 VENGEANCE (#8)
What sets you off is thinking someone has –
— stepped on the down-trodden
— illegitimately challenged your authority
— not taken responsibility for your own negative behavior
— been untruthful and untrustworthy

REACTION: think about how to gain control & authority, as a way to dis-empower the other person and put them in their place
GROWTH: Ask “Am I sharing my feelings of vulnerability and showing my softer sides to both myself and others?”

One-dimensional – only seeing one version of reality
Lesson: 8s remind us that a limited view of the truth/reality usually ignores all the other possibilities. Assuming we know exactly what’s happening doesn’t make it so, because Reality happens simultaneously as well as sequentially

Type 8 HANGING ON (Need to let go)
Hold on to: avenging wrongs done by others, being able to move mountains through your extraordinary will, energy & power, always being in command or in control
Why: To maintain your ‘sense of self as a person who’ is so strong you can protect anyone you choose, never showing weakness or vulnerability
Let go of: the belief you have to be strong and big at all times and under all circumstances

— by someone standing up to you without backing down
— feeling highly vulnerable & not have the strength to hide itbe defended
— feeling exhausted and depleted

Type 8 MAYA (delusion)
Think that you don’t dare let your guard down because if you do, something terrible will happen to you. Most of the time – not.

Type 8 WORRY
“Who’s really strong enough to help or support me? What if I’m too strong? What if I’m not strong enough? What advantage will they take if I show my vulnerability? Why did they let me down?”

NEXT: All Flaws – Type 9

Ennea Type 9 – Flaws in us ALL

type 9

PREVIOUS: All flaws – Type 8

IMPORTANT: To understand the meaning / purpose of each topic, review ‘Type Flaws in us ALL – INTRO’.
Associated Type inside the ( )


Type 9 COWARDICE because of CDs (#6)
— Re. self-assertion: believe it’s not OK to assert yourself in most situations. Instead, assume it’s best to not “make waves” or create controversy
— Re. stating opinions: believe that either they don’t matter or that it is not worth the effort to express them
— Re. conflict: think that it creates disharmony in relationships, & worry when someone is upset with you or when you’re upset with others

Type 9 FLATTERY (#2)
— Get into conversations with people you don’t like or are not interesting to you, or stay far longer than you’d like, while thinking how to continue it so you won’t be considered rude
— Think of a way to draw out the opinions from others, even when they’re boring, not knowledgeable or not very bright
— Think about how to offer time, energy & resources to someone you don’t think highly of or care about, just to be “nice” & avoid conflict

Type 9 LAZINESS (of mind or action) (#9)
— see only the positive side of your beliefs about people, situations, world events – as a way of maintaining harmony
— forget what matters to you, or what you truly think – as a way of not making waves or calling attention to yourself
— ignore or forget what you’re supposed to be doing (priorities) as a way to de-stress & not generate conflict – although this often generates more conflict later

Type 9 MOODINESS / melancholy (#4)
— believe that you don’t really matter
— see yourself as not being able to stand up for yourself the way others can
— think you’re going to lose everything & everyone if you express your anger

Type 9 PLANNING – as compulsion (#7)
— about how not to plan
— about how to not allow others to make demands or put pressure on you because of their plans

Type 9 RESENTMENT (#1)
— thoughts that create a slow-burning anger when your opinions have not been taken seriously, which has been building for a while
— thinking that others should be more open-minded & less judgmental when you’re in the middle of highly unbalanced thinking & actions
— ‘ugly’ thoughts that come up after you feel taken advantage of for being so nice & accommodating

Type 9 STINGINESS (#5)ambition
— with expressing your ideas, believing what you have to say doesn’t matter as much as what others express
— with acknowledging your ambitions, seeing yourself as someone who’s humble & not competitive (even tho’ this is not always the case)
— with expressing anger: Thinking that expressing your anger will damage or sever all relationships

Type 9 VANITY (#3)
— believe you’re above being ambitious
— see yourself as above mere mortals who get reactive & angry, but you don’t!
— think that when you muster the energy to state an honest opinion, it’s absolutely correct

Type 9 VENGEANCE (#8)
What sets you off is thinking someone has –
— chronically disrupted your peace & harmony
— been rude to you or others, particularly more than once
— ignored you, especially in a disrespectful way
— pressured, demanded or tried to control you

REACTIONS: think about how to keep others at a distance & from trying to control you, because of their plans
GROWTH: Ask “Am I taking a clear stand on issues, by expressing my thoughts and feelings directly, especially my anger?”

Too loose lenses (Type 9). Some of us may look at things so openly & loosely that we miss the granulated nature of things, or think that everything in our lens is equally important without enough differentiation
Lesson: 9s remind us that when we observe in too diffused a manner, we may see everything that’s there, but completely miss what is most important.

Hang on to: — being in positive resonance with others around you, at any cost
— not asserting or expressing yourself directly, and believing you don’t really matter as much as others
Why: to keep a sense of ‘self as someone who’ can bring reconciliation to disruption, rapport to discord, & agreement where there’s disrespect &/or misunderstanding
Let go of: the belief that the way you matter is to not matter

Thrown by: — feeling angry but not being willing to express it
— pressure or a demand to do something, particularly something you don’t want to dohelping?
— being put in the middle of an unresolvable conflict between others for an extended period

Type 9 MAYA (illusion) – Thin that  you’re so consistently kind & nice, without recognizing that your under-experienced & unexpressed anger has painful consequences for self & others

Type 9 WORRY
“What do I really think? Why was I ignored? How can I get rid of the external tension? Where is my passion? Why didn’t I say what I really thought?”

NEXT: Ennea Humor #5

Ennea Type 7 – Flaws in us ALL

type 7

PREVIOUS: Type 6 flaws
IMPORTANT: To understand the meaning / purpose of each topic, review ‘Type Flaws in us ALL – INTRO’.
Associated Type inside the  ( )

Type 7 COWARDICE because of CDs (#6)
–Re. pain: think that all ‘pain’ is a waste of time, unnecessary & something you’re not equipped to deal with
— Re. restraint: believe that freedom is the absence of any limits, & that no one has the right to restrain you
— Re. standing (sitting) still: see it as worthless or as an opening for a flood of despair, which you’re terrified of

Type 7 FLATTERY (#2)
— Think about a possible activity someone suggested merely because it keeps you all doing something, not because it’s a very good idea at all
— Re-frame a put-down by someone,making it seem kind and generous
— Think (often unconsciously) how to befriend authority figures with flattering attention, as a way to neutralize their potential ability to limit your freedom in any way

Type 7 LAZINESS / Indolence (#9)
You almost always seem to be energetic, but a person can be highly energetic & still be indolent
— Think about pleasure but rarely about pain, if ever
— Not notice what you physical sensations are telling you
— Re-frame potential negative information into a positive, as a way of not paying attention to what’s actually happening

Type 7 MOODINESS (melancholy & resulting separation) (#4)
— Wonder why, with all you joy, you don’t feel full inside
— Feel an empty space inside you don’t know what to do about
— Think that even you mild feelings of pain or suffering are catastrophic (primarily because you’re so unused to them)

Type 7 PLANNING – as compulsion (#7)
— About positive possibilities: reacting immediately to stimuli (positive or negative) so your mind goes into a “hyper-gear” of associations, where one idea follows another in rapid-fire succession

Type 7 RESENTMENT (#1)
— If you feel restricted, think that no one has the right to do that to you
— Think negative thoughts about another when they cause you pain
— Rationalize away having actually done something wrong or that others may see as below standard or unacceptable in some way

Type 7 STINGINESS (#5)patience
— with slowing down: Believe “down time” is boring and a waste
— with patience: Think that others are terribly slow because they can’t follow you line of thinking or mental pace
— with introspection: Don’t consider your interior world as fascinating or enjoyable as external experiences

Type 7 VANITY (#3)
—  Think you’re not only quicker minded than others, but that you also catch onto new ideas better than most
—  Believe that most of their ideas have merit
— See yourself as capable of enjoying life in a way more than others

Type 7 VENGEANCE (#8)
What sets you off is thinking someone has –
— tried to limit you
— not listened to or taken your ideas seriously
— been insincere and, therefore, can’t be trusted
— acted abusively (or is considering it) and needs to be stopped

REACTION: think about how to keep yourself & others safe from this person, which may include disarming them
GROWTH: Ask “ Am I willing to deal with & stay focused on painful or difficult issues?”

Tainted-color (Rosy) – looking through colored lenses make everything appear brighter than it really is
Lesson: 7s remind us of the opposite: everything is not nearly as rosy as we might want it to be, & just thinking/wishing doesn’t make it so!

Hold on to: being fun-loving, completely free, pleasure-oriented, & your unalterable right to avoid restrictions or painful experiences
Why: to maintain your ‘sense of self as a person who’ lives in a world where anything is possible, & there are no limits unless we create them
Let go of: the belief that freedom means having no limits

— By anyone or anything bursting your bubble of enthusiasm
— Feel trapped or cornered in any way
— Someone treating you as if you shouldn’t be taken seriouslyhole-in-soul

Type 7 MAYA (delusion)
Think that you’re forced to live forever with a deep hole inside, when in fact all you need to do is go inside – you are there!

Type 7 WORRY
“Why do they want to bring me down? Why am I not taken as seriously as I desire? Are they trying to trap me? How can I fill that empty hole inside me? Why don’t I seem to feel as deeply as others when I do feel deeply about some things?”

NEXT: All flaws – Type 8

Ennea Type 6 – Flaws in us ALL

type 6

PREVIOUS: Type 5 – All flaws

IMPORTANT: To understand the meaning / purpose of each topic, review ‘Type Flaws in us ALL – INTRO’. Associated Type inside the  ( )


Type 6 COWARDICE because of CDs (#6)
— Re. others: believe that you can’t really trust or count on others (except a few who have been tried & tested)
— Re. yourself: believe you can’t fundamentally trust or count on yourself (even tho experience shows that it’s not true in most cases)
— Re. authority: think that authority figures can’t be trusted or, at least, must be carefully & continuously watched

Type 6 FLATTERY (#2)
— Mentally idealize people you want to think of as all “good”
— Think & say “nice” comments that aren’t completely true, in order to placate others or keep the peace
— Think it’s not OK to say what you really think to someone if you’re anticipating a negative reaction

Type 6 LAZINESS / Indolence (#9)
You seem to be very energized (concerns in motion), but a person can be energized & indolent (not paying attention), which is most obvious in 6s
— Think only about the things that scare you
— Believe that you can’t allow yourself to relax into ‘fun’ (truer for self-preserving and social sub-type 6s than one-to-one 6s)
— Can’t or don’t want to take the time to separate out your projections from your motivations, hopes & fears

Type 6 MOODINESS (melancholy & resulting separation) (#4)
— Believe that no one can truly be counted on, so you’re alone
— Project that others will always leave you at some point
— Blame yourself when things don’t go well, but also blame others that end up hurting your relationships, leaving you worried about being isolated

Type 6 PLANNING – as compulsion (#7)
How to anticipate problems before they occur: often instantaneously calculating what might be an obstacles to getting what you think is both possible, desirable, plausible or dangerous

Type 6 RESENTMENT (#1)
— Wondering why other people are treating you badly (supposedly)
— Angry about how someone in authority could treat you badly after being consistently dutiful & loyal
— Projecting bad things happening to you

Type 6 STINGINESS (#5)
— with trust: Believe you have to be really careful about who relaxing
you trust, thinking you have to continuously “test” the integrity of others
— with self-confidence: Think that if you constantly question yourself, somehow the best/safest answer will emerge
— with relaxing: Believe that if you relax too much or too long (or at all), something will inevitably go wrong

Type 6 VANITY (#3)
— Believe you’re the best problem solver
— Think that no one but you is others are not trustworthy & reliable
— See yourself as the person who is most capable & willing to stand up for the group, when others don’t seem to be aware or courageous enough to do so

Type 6 VENGEANCE (#8)
What sets you off is thinking someone has — put pressure on you
— been deceptive and is, therefore, dangerous
— appeared insincere and, therefore, can’t be trusted
— acted abusively, &needs to be stopped

REACTION: think about how to keep yourself others safe from this ‘bad’ person, which may include disarming them
GROWTH: Ask “Am I accurately separating projections and insights?”

Tainted-color (grey) – vision is clouded by a grayish overlay
Lesson: 6s remind us that not everything is as cloudy, confused, or complex as we imagine, when we are anxious

Hang on to: — always having to be the person who raises difficult issues
— to the assumption that everyone & everything in your environment is harmful to you & others
— not being able to trust others, especially anyone in position of strong influence or authority 

Why: to maintain your ‘sense of self as a person who’ understands the risks & uncertainty of being in the world, & who can overcome this through your mind
Let go of: the belief that true authority only ‘lives’ outside yourself

— By authority figure acting unpredictably or rashly, that could harm you people or ideas/causes that matter to you
— Seemingly high-risk situations that take you by surprise
— Any outside pressure to do something when you’re not preparedhard work

Type 6 MAYA (delusion)
That if you focus & work very intensely on an issue or problem, that effort will definitely get the issue solved or resolved. This is not always the case.

Type 6 WORRY
“Why do I worry all the time? What should I do here? What dreadful thing might befall me? Why do I feel not fully part of things? Why do I hold onto my concerns for so long? Why do people have so many hidden agendas”

NEXT: All flaws – Type 7

Ennea Type 5 – Flaws in us ALL

type 5

PREVIOUS: Ennea Humor – #4

IMPORTANT: To understand the meaning / purpose of each topic, review ‘Type Flaws in us ALL – INTRO’. Associated Type inside the ( )


Type 5 COWARDICE because of CDs (#6)
— about intrusion: Think that others are going to invade your time, space & privacy
— about feelings: Fearful of expressing emotions in real-time, & highly uncertain about what you do feel or even how to know it
— about attachments: Believe you must not be attached to anything or anyone, because if you are, your energy will be sapped & your autonomy threatened

Type 5 FLATTERY (#2)
— Think there is something wrong with you for not liking “small talk” when others seem to like it just fine (thinking there is something “right” with others)
— Continue a conversation about a topic you have little interest in
— Decide to not share information you actually do have, being sure you don’t know enough about the topic, yet still listening to others who know a lot less than you about it

Type 5 LAZINESS / Indolence (#9)
— Confuse thinking with feeling, so you don’t pay much attention to your emotional life
— Don’t consider your feelings much at all. In fact, think that they have limited value, & that it takes too much energy to figure them out
— Believe that only their minds matter, so ignore (be indolent about) physical sensations that are a source of important information

Type 5 MOODINESS (melancholy & resulting separation) (#4)
— Think you’re depleted, drained of sufficient resources & life force
— Believe you don’t have truly deep relationships like others seem to
— See yourself as an island adrift from the major continent of people

Type 5 PLANNING – as compulsion (#7)
— How to prevent draining situations, by limiting intrusions, demands on your time and energy or emotionally charged interactions
— Strategize ways to overcome potentially dangerous situations

Type 5 RESENTMENT (#1)
— Focus on the intrusiveness and aggressiveness of others
— Imagine / assume harmful actions you think others are up to
— Wonder why someone has the right to make demands on you for personal information, your time….

Type 5 STINGINESS (#5)resources
— with resources & knowledge: Think the world has limited resources so you have to conserve almost everything
— with interpersonal engagement: Believe you don’t need or want to fully engage with others because they’ll will drain you or want too much
— with sharing: Believe you have to withhold information about yourself with almost everyone (except the very few you trust), otherwise your privacy will be violated

Type 5 VANITY (#3)
— Think that others are inferior for having too many needs, being dependent / not autonomous
— Believe you have a superior intellect
— Think that others’ expressing of emotions is inferior to your own reliance on reason, logic, emotional self-containment & detachment

Type 5 VENGEANCE (#8)
What sets you off is thinking someone has –
— violated your privacy, such as breaking a confidence
— kept information from you, especially if it’s important to you
— lied, such as said they’d deliver work on time and then didn’t
— made unreasonable or not-agreed-to demands on you

REACTION: think & plan how to neutralize that person or keep them at a distance
— strategizing how to get that person removed and harmless (if they’ve really scared you or violated a deeply held value)
GROWTH: Ask “ Am I expressing my real feelings in the moment?”

Too-far: missing the nuances of what’s close up.
Lesson: 5s remind us that when we create too much distance, we lose seeing the finer detail, including ourselves & how we interact with a situation.

Hold on to:
— to being autonomous, needing too much privacy, using up limited space and resources
— and under-explored feelings and needs
Why: to maintain your ‘sense of self as a person who’ doesn’t need to rely on anyone or anything other than yourself
Let go of: your false belief in scarcity (of energy, resources….)

— By someone standing too close for too long
— Having to put out energy and effort when already feeling depleted
— Expected to share personal information when you’re not clear why this matters or what don't feelsomeone will do with it

Type 5 MAYA (delusion)
You think that you either don’t know or don’t experience your emotional states, when in fact your emotions are extremely pure

Type 5 WORRY
“What do they want from me? How can I get away from this? Why am I feeling so drained and depleted? Why can’t I express myself?”

NEXT: All flaws – Type 6

Enneagram Type 4 – Flaws in us ALL

type 4

PREVIOUS: Type 4 flaws

IMPORTANT: If needed, to understand the meaning / purpose of each topic, review ‘Type Flaws in us ALL – INTRO’. Associated Type indie the ( )


Type 4 COWARDICE because of CDs (#6)
— about rejection: Worry about & interpreting events as rejecting you
— about closeness: Think that if you get too close to someone they’ll find your intrinsic defects, become critical, and then leave
— about affirmation: Think mainly about what is wrong with you, & a reluctance to consider what’s just fine about yourself

Type 4 FLATTERY (#2)
— Comparing yourself negatively to others, making them so much better
— Act interested, make conversation, & pay attention to another when what you’re really rather leave
— Believe what other says about you, as if it were more real than what you actually know about yourself (honor someone else’s opinion over your own)

Type 4 LAZINESS / indolence (#9)
You can seem distracted even under normal times, but especially when distressed in any way.
— Spend too much time & effort on how to express yourself so you’ll be understood, or not misunderstood, that you lose track of what you really meant to say
— Think that your most recent emotions are the realest, being too lazy to go deeper to find what’s underneath
— Think about how to shift your hurt onto others so you won’t feel quite so upset, without taking the time to consider what motivates this tactic, or what effect this has on yourself & others

Type 4 MOODINESS (melancholy & resulting separation) (#4)
— Think only about what you don’t have, instead of what they do have
— See yourself as fundamentally inferior to or less than other
— Recycle negative thoughts about yourself, other people & situation

Type 4 PLANNING (as compulsion) (#7)
— about how to avoid feeling deficient
— about how to not get into situations that can trigger your sense of being not-good-enough, or the opposite
— about how to directly fight situations that might cause your feelings of inadequacy

Type 4 RESENTMENT (#1)
— Obsess about what you’re missing, what’s wrong with you & others
— Wonder why others seem to have or get what they want, but not you
— Think about how reality comes up short compared to your internal dreams & ideas of how you want things can be

Type 4 STINGINESS (#7)
— with sharing qualities, accomplishments… which are very important to you: Think that if others have sharingsomething of value, you need to have it too, & even wish the other person didn’t have it (greed/envy)
— with attention: Convinced you always need attention from others, & if someone else is getting it instead, you have to either attract more focus for yourself or diminish the other person in some way
— with self-affirmations: Think mainly about what’s deficient in yourself, rather than your excellent qualities

Type 4 VANITY (#3)
— Think you’re superior to others because you’re ‘deeper’, more sophisticated, or more in touch with a higher reality
— Believe you have a more advanced capacity for understanding emotions, symbols & esoterica than everyone else
— Think that ‘authentic relating’ is the absolute best way of interacting & that you’re the best at it

Type 4 VENGEANCE (#8)
What sets you off is thinking someone has –
— ignored or slighted or demeaned you in any way
— implicitly compared you to another to make you “less than”
— misunderstood or violated your values

decide that person is a ‘perpetrator abusing innocent victims’
— convinced they has an over-inflated sense of self
— thinking of all the ways to bring that person “down to size”
GROWTH:  Ask “Am I displaying my objectivity and emotional balance?”

Too-close – you’re can only see what is right in front of you instead of the bigger picture
Lesson: 4s remind us that we can take things too personally, & focus on unimportant details & our reactions to everything, so that we miss other information that would let us be objective

Hold on to: — to being different from everyone
— feeling constantly slighted
— identify with our shifting emotional states
— long for an idyllic “dream-world” where everyone feels the deepest sense of beauty & inter-connectivity
Why: to maintain ‘your sense of self as the person who’ is different & unique from others because you’ve chosen to be that way, which lets you feel in control of a sense of existential deficiency.
Let go of: the belief that there’s something wrong with you that’s not wrong with others

— By having intense, shifting emotions & not understanding them
— Feeling rejected by anyone, but particularly someone you care about
— Wanting to manifest you dreams, but not knowing how

Type 4 MAYA (delusion) Screen Shot 2015-08-26 at 12.00.37 AM
You think that being so in touch with your feelings, & pondering them with such great intensity – makes them real, when in fact the emotions you ‘explore & express’ are neither your deepest nor the most real

Type 4 WORRY
“Why do I feel so continuously hurt? Why did he/she/they act that way toward me? What’s wrong with me? Why do they keep doing those things to me? I must be doing something wrong, but what is it? Why don’t they understand me?”

NEXT: Ennea Humor Part 4

Enneagram Type 3 – Flaws in us ALL

Screen Shot 2015-08-25 at 1.16.26 AM

PREVIOUS: Type 2 flaws


IMPORTANT: If needed, to understand the meaning / purpose of each topic, review ‘Type Flaws in us ALL – INTRO’. Associated Type inside the  ( )

Type 3 COWARDICE because of CDs (#6)
— about failure: think that failure is simply not allowed in you vocabulary, or is something you’ve never experienced first-hand
— about being unmasked: worry, often unconsciously, that you’ll be found out to be a fraud in some way
— about intimacy: think you can’t get too close to others emotionally, because it would make you too vulnerable, be less able to function/achieve, or reveal your inadequacy in this area

Type 3 FLATTERY (#2)
— think about how to create a positive impression in another’s eyes by pretending to be more interested in the others than you actually are
— think through how to engage famous or important people so that some of their celebrity rubs off on you
— don’t share all of your thoughts (especially negative ones) about another person, so you won’t ruin your image or your relationship

Type 3 LAZINESS / Indolence (#9)
You’re are often thought of as very focused (even over-focused), but many 3s use their Arrow Line to Nine as a break from stress
— don’t want to think about anything serious, so get into relaxing routines such as video games, jogging, cooking (eating?), but more as a way to not pay attention to oneself (the movement of Threes to Nine)
— believe that emotions are a distraction from work, then engage in activity as a way to avoid feelings
— don’t reflect on who you really are. Instead, see yourself as the persona you’ve created

Type 3 MOODINESS (melancholy & resulting separation) (#4)
— Think of yourself as a fake who is pretending to be something you’re not (or not fully) & will get ‘caught’
— believe you’re totally without value when something you’ve tried to do doesn’t work out
— think you’re completely adrift & a nobody when you have no goals or plans

Type 3 PLANNING – as compulsion (#7)
Planning about how to achieve a specific goal you’ve set for yourself, how to get from point A to point B as efficiently & effectively as possible

Type 3 RESENTMENT (#1)
— Think about why someone disrespected you for your abilities
treated them in a way that showed a lack of
— Obsess about how someone in authority changed the rules of the game on you in mid-stream
— Can’t understand why other team members are so incompetence or show such a lack of commitment to your joint activity

Type 3 STINGINESS (#5)share success?
— with time: think yours is more valuable than that of others
— with sharing success: Believe you must compete with others to be successful and win, or else you’ve failed
— with sharing certain information about yourself: think that opening up about yourself, in any way, would make you seem less confident or not accomplished

Type 3 VANITY (#3)
— Decide, consciously or unconsciously, to delete information about yourself, that would make you look bad
 to yourself & to others
— Think you can accomplish just about anything you set your mind to
— Believe you’re the image of success which you’ve created – confusing your Real Self with that image

Type 3 VENGEANCE (#8)
What sets you off is thinking someone has — — made you look bad or sabotaged you
— blamed you for a problem that was not you responsibility
— taken credit for your work
REACTION: dismissing the person as a ‘loser’
— thinking of ways to not engage or interact with that person
GROWTH: Ask “Am I willing to disclose information that may not make me look good or may not conform with my ‘public’ image?”

Narrow-focus : embellishing reality by assume your accomplishments & qualities are better than you imagine them to be
Lesson: 3s remind us that with ‘blinders’ on any part of our vision we can miss the most important elements of a situation

Type 3 HANGING ON (need to let go)
Hold on to: — under-expressed sadness, anxiety, anger
— being competent, resourceful, goal-driven, effective, successful, confident
Why: to maintain your ‘sense of self as the person who’ can make happen whatever you want by being goal orientation, intense focus, personal drive
Let go of: the belief you must follow societal (or social-referent group) standards of success to feel good about themselves

— By having goals changed on you by an outside factor or individual
— Being disoriented by not knowing what you want to do
— Being ‘forced’ to discuss strong emotional reactions in-depthfalse freedom

Type 3 MAYA (delusion)
It’s that doing what you think you want is actually doing what you think you should want, & not understanding the difference between them

Type 3 WORRY
“What if I can’t really do this? What if I don’t live up to expectations? How do I know what I really want (rather than what I think I should want)? Will I get found out?”

NEXT: All Flaws – Type 4