IT’S UP TO ME
what I allow in, & what I don’t agree to!
PREVIOUS:
Boundaries Defined (#1)
REVIEW: My Rights – Qs. & Having Rights
VISUAL IMAGES of Boundaries
a. As an impermeable but clear energy container completely surrounding us, with an invisible zipper down the front, from head to toe. We can see out & others can see us, but we are inside a protective shield. The zipper allows for easy access, but what’s of major importance is whether the zipper tab in on the inside or the outside!
• EXTERNAL: If the tab is on the outside everyone we come in contact can pull it up or down, as they please, so we’re at the mercy of others
• INTERNAL: If it’s on the inside then WE decide when to open ourselves up, or not, and how far down we pull the tab speaks to how much of ourselves we choose to expose, depending on the situation
b. It’s like our skin – it:
• breathes, so it lets toxins out and take in nutrients
• can be injured, but also repaired
• covers us completely, thus containing all our physical components
• is elastic, so can expand & contract….
PURPOSE of Boundaries
They are ‘Ego Barriers’ which are needed to guard our Inner Space, so we can:
1. Deal with the OUTSIDE WORLD positively
• by Screening: ie. To protect from danger or unpleasantness
— cut down intake of too much noise, info, activities, people
— eliminate toxic people, substances, locations – whenever possible
— protect from subtle manipulation, too many demands, confusing communications – anything that can inundate us
• by Interpreting: ie. To understand the particular meaning of something
— be able to read people & situations accurately
— not assume everyone or everything is dangerous to us
— correctly assess what someone is saying or wanting from us
— think of 2-3 different causes for events – not just negative ones
2. Manage our INTERACTIONS with the world
• by Modulating oneself: ie. To temper, soften, tone down, vary
— not over-react to ‘normal’ situations
— choose when & where to be boisterous vs silent, angry or rageful, when to fight vs back down….
— know when to say something & when not to, and how
• by Regulating oneself: ie. To adjust according to a standard in order to insure success
— behave appropriately, depending on the venue & event – based on self-respect
— pick the right time to ask questions, do business or communicate our upset, bad news…. with someone
— accomplish a goal: follow the rules of the relevant group we want to interact with – if not in conflict with our personal values
NEXT: Boundaries & ACoAs (Part 1)
