ACoAS & WEAK Boundaries (Part 2)


rigid Bs 

I DON’T LET MYSELF SAY ANYTHING
so I don’t upset other people

PREVIOUS: ACoAs & WEAK Bs (Part 1)

REVIEW: ACoA Rules – Healthy (Part 1-3)


CHARACTERISTICS of weak Bs
Weak Bs represent not having the right to our needs, & is expressed as a general passivity in our dealings with the world – letting people &circumstances push us around.
BTW, you may notice that some of these expressions of weak Bs are the same or similar to those of rigid Bs. This is only natural since the underlying causes all come from our unhealthy upbringing.

SEXUALB invasion
We have weak Bs if we:
• are unable to distinguish between love and sex
• have sex when we do not want to
• feel a need to always be in a sexual relationship
• attach our self-esteem to being sexually attractive
• let others touch us, even when it’s uncomfortable or inappropriate
fall in love at first sight (just because someone seems interested or reaches out to us

PRACTICAL
We have weak Bs if we:
• are unpredictable, undependable because of being indecisive
• allow others to take as much as they can from us (time, $$, energy….)
• set no specific limits on our willingness to help
• sacrifice our own goals, projects and self-care to help others – from FoA
• don’t protect our need for privacy, so allow our physical space to be invaded, such as let people
— stand or sit too close
— take and/or use something of ours without asking
— snoop around in our things…… without doing something about it
no choicehave to do something a certain way or modify our behavior so that someone else can continue their unproductive or unsafe behavior – being an enabler of any kind of bad or self-destructive behavior
• let others determine our wants, needs & tastes, sacrificing them to the desire of others
• give too much either by being controlling (B invading) OR overly responsible (having to do everything ourselves)
• allow others to take as much as they can from us (time, $$, energy….)• overcompensate for when we think we’ve messed up in word or action
• measure another person’s caring by material gifts – how much, what kind
• accept unwanted gifts to not hurt feelings or make others angry

MENTAL
We have weak Bs if we:
• let other people influence / effect our behavior, unclear about our own preferences
• verbally we agree with others even when we actually don’t
• are unable to ask for help, so have to constantly manipulate to get what we want (can’t ask directly)
• personalize everything, over-reacting to feelings or behavior of others (assume other’s reactions are all about us)

• feel like we’re covering something up or keeping a secret, such as battered wives hiding injuries, kids covering up parental addictions, emotional torture, mental illness….
• get too close too fast, share too much personal info (especially our faults) before establishing mutual trust/sharing
• ignore our inner voice & rely on others’ opinions, values & emotions more than our own
• allow the expectations of others to define our potential
• compromise values and beliefs to please others or to avoid conflict

EMOTIONAL
We have weak Bs if we:
• are dependent for our identity & emotional well-being on what blend or leave
others think of us, so have become chameleons OR isolates
• symbiotically attach ourselves to someone, or something
• need constant reassurance from others
• feel everything ‘too much’ & cannot contain own emotions
• are not comfortable being alone – at least some of the time

• people-please – say yes when we wants to say no, & then act out later, either on ourselves (S-H) or at the other (passive-aggression)
• are constantly preoccupied with & overwhelmed by others’ emotions, needs & problems (take on as if our own), feeling responsible for their happiness and fulfillment
• ignore our own discomfort, anger, anxiety or fear so someone else can be happy & comfortable
• feel & act like victims, have no balance of power or responsibility in relationships
• have a high tolerance for abuse, for being treated with disrespect
• can’t say no, even when wanting to, for fear of rejection (abandonment)

NEXT: RIGID Boundaries – #1

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2 thoughts on “ACoAS & WEAK Boundaries (Part 2)

  1. Great post. I have weak boundaries in all of the categories but by far most of them are in the category of emotional.

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