List of HEALTHY Boundaries (Part 2)


 

I KNOW WHO I AM & WHAT I NEED,
& I can say it clearly

PREVIOUS: Part 1 – Emotional Bs

SITE: Personal Responsibility

 

WHAT BOUNDARIES DO
• they’re pre-set guidelines for all areas of life. When we periodically regress into a symbiotic or self-effacing state (inevitable), we may need someone to help us re-established them
• they protect our values & our right to always be treated with dignity and respect
• protect us from letting anyone enter our lives inappropriately or try getting us to do anything we don’t want to do
• protect us from our own emotional instability (from the WIC), in situations that make us feel vulnerable – provided the Healthy Adult is in charge
• act as a warning sign when we are about to enter relationships or places that are unsuitable or dangerous – for us
• identify specific consequences when a boundary is breached

2. PHYSICAL (P)
Healthy Bs means that you CAN:
• stay in your body (be congruent) “I am my body”
• have self-esteem about your P self, no matter how you look• can give & receive P. comfort
• protect your physical space from intrusion, invasion or abuse
• weigh the consequences before acting on a sexual impulsebody Bs
• say NO to food, gifts, touch, sex, … that you don’t want
• touch & be touched – with discrimination
KNOW
• it’s OK to move towards or away from someone
• the most comfortable space needed between you & another
• what is appropriate modesty & openness with yourself & others
• aren’t afraid to distance yourself from anyone who can’t respect your Bs
NOTE: Modesty is not = to being a prude! It’s about self-respect.

3. MENTAL
With regard to YOURSELF
Healthy Bs means that you CAN:
• know it’s OK to have some privacy/ secrecy without guilt, even in intimate relationships
• take back your projections (be able to see others for who they really are, not what we think or wish them to be – or who your parents were)
• know when a miscommunication or CD is yours & when it belongs to someone else
• empower yourself to make healthy choices & be responsible for your thoughts
• act aswisdomsertive (not aggressive) by stating opinions, emotions & needs, respectfully
• know what you believe (values) & what you want
• value your opinions, tastes & viewpoints, as much as those of others
• think & speak for yourself (without always quoting others)
• trust your own decisions, defining your truth as you see it
• own your toxic beliefs & work on replacing them
• say No or Yes, honestly, and know that you’re OK when others say No to you

With regard to OTHERS
Healthy Bs means that you:
• are able to ask for practical support & info, when you need it
• communicate needs & wants clearly in all relationshipsrelationship types
• notice any time others boundary-invade you
• give personal info gradually, in a mutually trusting atmosphere, then check to see how the other person responds
• avoid expectations – know that you might get turned down, but still have the right to ask

• go slow in a new relationship while checking for compatibility
• you decide whether a potential relationship will be good for you
• recognize that friends and partners are not mind readers
• teach others to treat you with dignity & respect
• respect others’ boundaries – like: ask if it’s ok before touching them
✶ you can stand up for our beliefs, even when you’re in the minority
✶ accuracy is more important that agreement, in your communications

EMOTIONAL & MENTAL RECOVERY Truths
✦ Aloneness is a bounty from which we choose what we want
✦ No matter who walks with us, no one can walk it for us
✦ No one can tell us who we are
✦ No one can live our pain or our joy
✦ More is possible than we think, if we truly believe
✦ Our eyes can never see as clearly as our hearts
✦ Wisdom is in hearing & believing our own voice
smarts
✦ Friends can only stand by while we make our discoveries
✦ To want nothing is as selfish as to give nothing
✦ Second-best may really be just second-arrived
✦ What we think we want may be inferior to what we receive
✦ Help doesn’t always appear in the way we expect or demand
✦ Sharing cannot be real unless we keep enough for ourselves
✦ Giving is never losing, & giving freely is a semi-circle which completes itself in receiving
✦ Often we may feel we are walking alone
✦ We are never alone if we know who we are

NEXT: Setting Healthy Bs (Part 3)

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