RECOVERY Thoughts for ACoAs

lion & lamb 

– just don’t obey it!

PREVIOUS: My Rights Qs (25-48)

SITE: 5 Major Benefits of Recovery

This is a open-ended review – which can be used as  goals to work toward & to our see progress. Add your own to each category.

♥ Be healed enough to:
• be able to take care of ourselves, reasonably well
• be able to hear what other people are actually telling us about themselves
• not trying to fix others, no matter how much pain or trouble they’re in
• no longer be sexually attracted to emotionally or physically inappropriate or dangerous people (rage-aholics, alcoholics, gamblers drug addicts, & other narcissists)
• stay at a respectful distance from ‘nice people’ who are passive-aggressive, needy, or so shut down that we can’t connect with them
• act appropriately in most social situations – neither from perfectionism nor from rebellion, not from co-dependence or from terror
• not have to obey our Toxic Rules
• to listen to good advice, but ultimately follow our gut

♥ Be willing to:
• listen to the needs, thoughts & emotions of the I.C.
• not let the IC run our lives; not let the kid do self-harming things
• be the Good Parent & Healthy Adult, taking care of the kid
• never give up, no matter how hard things are, but it’s good to take breaks
• keep looking for answers to our difficulties. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help before we collapse!
• be as emotionally honest with others as we’re capable of, without hurting ourselves or them (live in our truth)
• express all our talents  (skilled or imperfectly)
• follow our dreams, no matter who objects

♥ Be Aware :
• of our talents, gift, accumulated knowledge & experienceouter child
• of the options we have in most situations
• of our effect on others, positive or negative
• of how other people can trigger our old pain (our buttons)
• that we are not our own Higher Power
• that God is not an alcoholic parent
• that our emotions cannot harm others – only our words & actions
• that others’ reactions to us are their responsibility

♥ Be Accepting of:
• all our emotions, no matter how unpleasant or socially unpopular
• other people’s differences; we don’t need them to be carbon copies
• our childhood damage, without constantly repeating it
• the time it takes to work on our issues
• our own reactions to what others do & say to us
• our Inner Sadist (IS).  The more they hurt us as kids, the angrier we are. If we make friends with the I.S. we don’t have to act it out on anyone
• other people’s kindness, compliments, validation
• our humanity, with it’s beauty & it’s imperfections

♥ Be absolutely sure that we:
• have a right to be alive, and be exactly who & what we are
• “Know what we Know”
• have a right to and can achieve a measure of healing & happiness
• can be of service to others without being co-dependent
• are damaged, not defective. Damage can be healed, & we are OK

MAJOR RECOVERY TRUTH: A sure sign of mental health & emotional maturity is to know in our very self-love treebones that: Most things being done to us or around us have NOTHING to do with US! Being convinced that it does – comes from either the PP or WIC.

To repeat: Most the time, “It’s not about us”!  That includes all the stuff our parents did to us.  Done to us, at us, on us, around us, BUT not about who we are fundamentally! Even when people react to something we did or said, their behavior is their responsibility.
For the balance to this, see post on ‘Personal Responsibility’.

NEXT: “Feelings aren’t facts” #1


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