ACoAs & Emotional Immaturity (Part 2)


lazy-boy 

AS MUCH AS I HATE IT
I can’t seem to let them go!

PREVIOUS :  E. Immaturity (Part 1)

QUOTEs: “If you’re always waiting to get caught, welcome to a life of immaturity” Eymadreamer
“Immaturity is the incapacity to use one’s intelligence without the guidance of another” Emmanuel Kant
“Play is an essential function of the passage from immaturity to emotional maturity… without the opportunities for adequate play in early life you will go on seeking them in the stuff of adult life”  Unknown

4. NOT SELF-AWARE
LACK : • access to our own ‘voice’ & True Self
• awareness of how we communicate, that we don’t make genuine connections, or what effect we have on others by what we say
• appropriate sense of boundaries (over or under-functioning)
• ability to question or reflect on the consequences of our actions
• genuine empathy for or perspective re. others
• awareness of our emotions or interior life (being cutoff, reactive, stressed, anxious) OR why we think, feel & do what we do

5. EMOTIONALLY UNEVEN
• project our Shadow side onto others & then react negatively towards them
• regularly feel like we’re going to lose control (& often do) & are afraid of change
• lack ability to be emotionally neutral – either irrationally negative (antagonistic) or blindly positive (loyal)
• are easily frustrated. If things don’t go our way, we will demand others change, or refuse to out of controlparticipate further.  May have temper tantrums, prolonged pouts & rapid mood shifts
• find it hard to successfully manage our emotions during or after a crisis – either fall apart or become physically or emotionally distant, especially during a confrontation

• don’t handle criticism well (over-react), take every slight as a personal attack, take ourselves too seriously
• are prone to jealousy & envy – may wish bad things on other who have better fortune than ourselves
• great difficulty forgiving (letting go) of slights & hurts. Either throw it in someone’s face over & over, or withdraw without explanation
• can be pleasant as long as things go our way, then suddenly explode with anger over a trivial (but not to us) remark or incident.  Others don’t know how to be around us, never knowing how we’ll react

6. NOT RESPONSIBLE
• make bad choices, or none at all
• don’t own our part in bad situations, re. our own problems or difficulties with othersking-baby
• are convinced other people’s actions cause our own lack of ability or poor performance
• don’t have a realistic view of ourselves, and can’t take in or make use of constructive criticism
• rely on others for care and protection, being superficial & thoughtless
• only focus on our own gain or loss, avoid or deny money, work & relationship problems
• may become defensive or antagonistic if others try to point out any part we played in our troubles

7. NOT DEPENDABLE
• are generally unreliable, often late, not doing what we say they’ll do, letting people down (with lots of ready excuses)
• regularly promise things we can’t or don’t want to fulfill, so constantly disappointing others
• our life is chaotic & impulsive, making us unpredictable & ‘difficult’
• only focus on our own gain or loss, so have a hard time with integrity

PS: The roles of Hero, Martyr or Co-dependent may make us seem ‘strong’ & responsible, but compulsive over-doing, placating, & people-pleasing are to the detriment of self-care & the true needs & feelings of others!

8. UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
• compulsively choose the most unhealthy, inappropriate friends & mates, as well as work, living, social environments
• OR accept any person or situation offered to us, without considering if we like it, if it suits us, how safe or healthy it is…. Screen Shot 2015-08-02 at 6.45.19 AM
• use relationships to manage our anxiety. Have a great need for a large support system so we don’t have to face & outgrow our abandonment issues
• focus most of our efforts on winning over people who are not interested in us
• react in extremes, in most relationships (idealize or demonize)
• personal loyalty lasts only as long as the relationship is somehow useful
• disruptions with people important to us are usually caused by us being  judgmental, over-reactive, having inappropriate expectations & demands

NEXT: Emotional Immaturity (Part 3)

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2 thoughts on “ACoAs & Emotional Immaturity (Part 2)

  1. I think I meet all criteria for emotional immaturity. I need to take deep breaths now and avoid self-judgement.

    • Yes – No S-H, please – as that prolongs the immaturity. It’s not our fault we were not given a healthy base.
      Use the Maturity list for setting goals for your growth.

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