Emotional MATURITY – Cognitive, Practical


maturity 1 

‘I KNOW WHAT I KNOW’
and I’m also willing to learn

PREVIOUS: Emotional Maturity – General

QUOTE: “I began to understand that suffering and disappointments and melancholy are there not to vex us or cheapen us or deprive us of our dignity but to mature and transfigure us.”  Hermann Hesse, in ‘Peter Camenzind’

NOTE: As recovering ACoAs, many of us start the maturing process much later in life than we would if we had come from a healthy, loving family. This is perfectly natural.
Therefore, we need to :
• mourn the loss of time & possibilities our damage has stolen from us
• express our rage at the unfairness of having to clean up the mess our parents bequeathed us – in safe places & appropriate ways
• be able to consistently work at our Recovery, & persevere in the face of how hard & long this process takes
• keep looking for, finding & accepting the appropriate people & support systems that will nurture our growth
• know in our bones that Recovery & therefore EM is a realistic goal for ourselves (NEVER ‘compare & despair’). You are NOT someone else!

2. COGNITIVE
• Are able to & comfortable with self-appraisal, of who we are & what we want in life
• Consciously look for the motives behind our actions, with compassion
• Mentally able to face reality, in ourselves & in others, the way things are  right now (acceptance)
• Comfortable taking responsibility for our decisions. Able to admit when we’re wrong, without being overly guilt or shame ridden
• Decide what we believe, based on our own experiences & feelings, not on what others say or do – or what they want of us. Are sure that “I know what I know”bla, bla, bla

• Come to personal conclusions about people, places & things, by realizing that because there are many different opinions in the world, that we can’t use others to form our identity
• Are comfortable changing our opinions about people or situations, when we receive new info
• We have the ability to accurately chose information from available data, & then apply that knowledge to make positive decisions for ourselves

• Use mainly reason to decide how to behave. We need our emotions to tell us what is suitable or nor – for us – but they are not always or automatically to be acted on
• Think before acting and therefore have control over our behavior
• Eliminate magical thinking (grandiosity), unrealistic expectations, projections & other CDs
• Learn to live with being imperfect & sometimes failing. It does not reflect on our personal value, no matter what we were told as a kid

• We’re open-minded enough to listen thoughtfully to the opinions of others. We understand and tolerate dgaather knowledgeiffering views, without feeling they in any way diminishes us
• We accept that not everyone will feel the same way about a situation, stimulus or idea as we do
• We understand that there’s a relationship between core values and our emotions / feelings
• Always looking to learn new things that will improve ourselves & make us more effective & useful in the world

3. PRACTICAL
• Overall, take responsibility for our own life (& our small children) without making endless excuses, but not be responsible for the lives or needs of other adults
• Be fundamentally self-reliant in all areas of our life, but not isolated or afraid to ask for help when needed
• Willing to admit to & then deal with the consequences of our actions or in actions
• Use moderation & balance in all things, but allow for extremes once in a wshoot for dreamshile when appropriate
• Know what we want to do with our life & then pursue it with enthusiasm & patience, persevering even when there are obstacles

• Be willing to work hard toward our goals, not compulsively
or to the point of exhaustion, but with a reasonable plan that can be modified or enhanced according to circumstances
• Remembers to asses the risks of a potential or planned situation (date, interview…) we’re already familiar with, or which we know enough about to evaluate – without projecting negatively. When in doubt about possible pitfalls / risks of an upcoming event, do some research & then use your info wisely (not being impulsive, compulsive)
• Able to accept when we fail to succeed at any endeavor, figure out what went wrong, learn from any mistakes we made, & make the necessary corrections – when possible, & without shame

• Plan things in advance, being realistic & practical, rather than letting things go till the last-minute. Use inspiration & intuition when faced with an unexpected problem but not as a substitute for being preparedbalancing
• Have the capacity to tackle difficult and demanding situations – even when scared – trusting we can use our knowledge & experience, & not forgetting our past successes
• Have the ability to follow through things we’ve started, even when it is difficult, but also know when to let go of a hopeless situation
• Be able to balance family, rest, work & play – without trying to do it perfectly, or do it well all the time

ARTICLE:Knowing your Strengths gives you Clearer Direction

NEXT: Emotional Maturity – Emotional

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