Emotional MATURITY – Relational, Spiritual


I CAN SEE THINGS CLEARLY
making all my relationships easier

Previous: Emotional Maturity – Cognitive, Practical

REMINDER: See ACRONYM Page for abbrev.

4. RELATIONSHIPS
Re. US
• We relate well with others, connecting in a cooperative & positive way, while knowing we do not fit with everyone
• Genuinely care about others and express that in all that we do
• We accept responsibility for who we pick to be with & how we act with them, which adds to our self-respect
• Can to take in genuine love & respect, in large or small ways, without having to ‘pay’ for it
• Comfortable experiencing intimacy with appropriate people, being open, approachable, gentle & transparentworld friends
• Are comfortable being playful, creative & expressing our silly, zany side
• Can form deep relationships with people from other backgrounds, races, cultures, economic & educational classes
• Have sufficient & the right kind of boundaries, based on knowing our values, needs & tastes, knowing when to be a realistic help to someone, vs. when to let go so they can handle their own life stressors
• Thoughtfully evaluate friends and social contacts. Avoid people and situations that push our buttons, but look for any opportunity that will bring out the best in us

• Don’t expect special consideration from anyone, but are comfortable being appreciated, thanked & valuedavoid insulters
• Can accept our current limitations, and take help when needed
• Evaluate legitimate criticism & accept it gratefully, being glad for an opportunity to learn & improve
Avoid getting easily offended, don’t bite when baited, but also let others know what’s acceptable or not
• Are regularly able to say ‘“No” to requests that are harmful, or that will overextend us unnecessarily

RE: OTHERS
• Understand & accept others as they really are, rather than what we want them to be
• Are friendly and share resources, cooperative with peers and teams.
• Communicate information and decisions clearly, with respect
• Are good listeners, not judging, trying to fix or push our own ways of doing things on others
• Look for the good in others rather with a critical eye, being compassionate, not critical
• Have the ability to nurture others without rescuing or controlling
• Can empathize with other people’s experience & feelings, taking the time to imagine what it feels like to live in their shoes
getting along• NOT easily fooled by or idealize people or situations which are unhealthy, abuse or just not fitting for us
• Willing to forgive others for hurting us, & ourselves for any wrongs we have done, making amends whenever possible without shame or self-hate

• Don’t judge others who are different from us, or whom we don’t understand, but try to learn, connect & be a peacemaker when possible
• Can work inter-dependently with others when required to do so, not having to show off or always be center of attention
• Are pleased to cooperate in order to find “win-win” solutions to conflicts.    We avoid dominating others. If a solution to a problem isn’t good for each party involved, it won’t be conflict resolutiongood for the relationship
Resolve conflict in a clear, direct & respectful way (NOT with painful put downs, avoidance, escalating tensions, or going to a third-party rather than to the person directly)
• Able to ‘confront’ someone when they have hurt or disappointed us, using the “I’ form, without attack or blame

5. SPIRITUAL
GENERAL
● We’ve found a meaning in life that gives us a connection to all of humanity, not just self-interest
● Have humility (“I have value but am not better than”), rather than feel humiliated
● Have outgrown the “all or nothing” stage, appreciating the Golden Mean (desirable middle between two extremes, via Aristotle, Confucius…).  Recognize that no person or situation is wholly good or wholly bad
● Have some insight & wisdom to see the beauty & value in all of life, in spite of the negatives we encounter
● Are generous & unselfish, out of our inner abundancespiritual connections

● We know we’re an organic part of a larger whole, contributing our part to each group we’re a member of
● We take care of ourselves because we are precious, and therefore can be generous from our own inner abundance, which gives us satisfaction
● Are filled with joy & a sense of humor, rather than being wounded because of what others say or do
● Know that life is full of uncertainties, but are not brought down because of it
● Live by the motto “Don’t quit before the miracle”, therefore don’t use endless escapes (chemicals, sex, money, food, suicide….)

SPECIFIC
● Pray to be given the faith to believe in a caring God, when we are afraid or in doubt, knowing that the Supreme Being is not an alcoholic parent!
● Overall, have faith in a Power greater than ourselves, & keep that connection current
● Enjoy being alone in quiet reflection with God and ourselves (our personal version of daily prayer & meditation)spirit-human connect
Pray for guidance & healing, to be given grace & peace, instead of trying to ‘go it alone’
● We have a definite set of personal & spiritual principles we live by
● We obey the spiritual essence of the Golden Rule:  “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself”, while making sure we do not harm ourselves
● We’re to thank God for all our past life experiences, understanding how He has used them to uniquely shape us into who we are
● We acknowledge & appreciating all the opportunities & help God has provided in our life which has supported us in surviving & outgrowing our difficulties

NEXT: What is Character #1

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