Types of ABUSERS (Part 2)


but I still feel trapped

PREVIOUS: Types of Perps (Part 2b)

SEE ACRONYM Page for abbrev.



• Usually have had several failed relationships, all with a history of being rescued, kept, or protected in various ways – ie. infantilized.  Expect special treatment because they’re ‘needy’, wounded, damaged, suffering…, & expect a mentor/caretaker/parent figure to for all areas of their life.  Want constant reassurance they’re OK, & neither has nor want outside friends, relationships, or interests.
• Want you to make big & small decisions for them, be told what to do, act incompetent parent seeker(they’re really not) & need direction to get anything done. But they’re also passive aggressive, blaming you for being controlling & complain/whine when they don’t like your choices for them.

Want to be waited on and refuses to do even basic things for themselves or help with adult chores. Claim they want/need you to do things for them because it makes them feel good. Pout or guilt-trips if you don’t wait on them hand & foot. Underachieve as a way of avoiding responsibility or the possibility of failure.  (Modified from : Stop Abusive Relationships“)

They’re chameleons who can be all things to all people, smart & sneakily manipulative. Have a natural instinct for sensing people who are vulnerable or sensitive, that have low self-esteem, weak emotional and sexual boundaries, are sexually frustrated, lonely, needy, bored, desperate for a relationship, on the rebound, ignored, wounded… so the predator can take advantage.

• If you’re the mark, they’ll watch your eye & body language, & listen carefully to what you say – when you’re not aware. Later they use it to make it seem they magically know you right away – before spending enough time to actually know all of you. They’re a smooth talker with all the right things to say, seemingly with all the same interests as you – so they sound insightful, ‘deep’ & the soul mate you’ve been waiting for.

• To sweep you off your feet they come on fast and strong, create a lot of excitement & fun, while exciting charmerkeeping an air of mystery about themselves.  They push right away to get every detail of your life & most private info (bank accounts, family connections,….).  They move in or wants to get married too quickly, fulfilling your physical, financial, emotional needs, are overly helpful, comforting and understanding – as they take over every aspect of your life by becoming adviser, parent figure, spiritual leader, mentor.
• At first you feel seen, heard, understood, important – but after a while you may realize you’re caught in a web – you’re the slave, the child, the worshiper – but never an equal, never separate.


They were taken to counseling as a child with no improvement, and not been helped or changed with adult counseling. They use black and white thinking, are inflexible and have difficulty being spontaneous. Always bring the conversation around to themselves, believe or act as though rules are for everyone except them,  engage in daredevil /dangerous behaviors, think they’re special, unique – and should be treated as suchmental illness

• Are currently being treated for a psychiatric disorder, on any kind of psychiatric medication. Are on disability for a mental condition, have been jailed for illegal or ‘crazy’ behavior &/or hospitalized for emotional problems or life-threatening acts. Are or have been under the supervision of a case manager with community mental-health services. Difficulty keeping a job, relationships, a place to live….  Have been diagnosed with a psychiatric or personality disorder:
a. Dramatic/ erratic: Antisocial,  Borderline, Histrionic, Narcissistic, Passive-aggressive
b. Fearful / anxious: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-compulsive, Paranoid, Schizoid (NOT schizophrenic)
Medical : Active chemical Addictions, Manic-Depression, Schizophrenia, or any illness used as defense, exploit someone or as a stick to keep others in line

NEXT: Partner Abuse


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