HOW DO I FEEL ABOUT YOU?
I’m thinking, I’m thinking!
PREVIOUS: Infatuation, Sexual…..
See ACRONYM page for abbrev.
TO LIKE OR NOT TO LIKE, that is the question 🙂
ACoAs are often confused about their thoughts & emotions regarding others. We are:
• not encouraged to know what we want
• not allowed to have it if we do know
• more worried about how others feel about us – if they’ll approve or be angry at us, will leave us….
• in conflict between our damaged (WIC) & our developing Recovery (HA & LP) voices
BESIDES being given distorted thinking, ACoAs grow up with little or no information about what ‘normal’ is, to help us figure out what’s going on in our head & with others. These 2 posts list 60 questions to ask yourself about your thoughts & emotions:
• regarding a new romance or marriage partner – OR
• review how you feel now about someone you’ve been in relationship with for a while (even yrs) but may be wondering how to evaluate it now
Taken from “The Love Test” book by Harold Bessell, PhD, 1984
• This quiz is designed to measure the degree of excitement about a specific person & your desire for a permanent intimate relationship – sexual, mental, emotional & spiritual – with them. The focus is on the person-to-person factor, not sexual interest
• Research suggests that 6 out of 7 times, a strong romantic attraction can dissipate within 3-4 months. If the romantic desire remains after that period, it will likely continue for many years, if there is frequent & continual contact
• The 4 month rule doesn’t apply if there is physical distance, a fantasy connection (letters, email…) or an attraction to someone who is not available. The interest in this type of lover will usually dissolve in a few days if you have to spend face-to-face time with the real person
• Also, when someone has a ‘fear of intimacy’, living together or getting married may actually be a trigger for withdrawing of affection & sexual closeness. This disruption of the bond with a loved one is not because of a lack of compatibility but rather a person’s unresolved issues
• When taking the test, you will get the best results if you are NOT too tired, depressed, angry, sad, frightened or overwhelmed. If any of these emotional states are persistent, take the test several times & see if there is a combined average
• There are no wrong answers – only your honest evaluation.
➼ Print out Part 1 & 2. Put a check mark in the column which best fits your responses about a specific person: _____________ (♥)
• Use #1 as the weakest to #5 as the strongest feeling you have about each statement. Do NOT consider #5 as ‘perfect’, only as intensity
• If you don’t know or are confused, mark #3. You can always go back later & fill the ‘blanks’ or reevaluate your answers
• Take your time considering your answers – think about your own experience with that person AND what you know about them
• If possible have your partner take the same test
• Total up each column & then add them all together. Part 2 will include how to interpret your scores
PART 2 : R.A. Qs, 31-60