ATTACKS COME FROM EVERYWHERE!
I have to protect myself at all costs
PREVIOUS: RISK – Intro
See ACRONYM page for abbrev.
1. RISK-AVERSE – This category is a form of withholding & resistance. It’s expressed:
— by not opening up emotionally in the right places, in order to heal (“You’re only as sick as your secrets”)
— by not being willing to feel & deal with our damage
— as all kinds of anorexia, not only with food but in many other areas of life ($$, love, career, self-care….)
We prevent ourselves from taking in all the good things available to us, depriving ourselves because of S-H, from the belief that we don’t have a right to prosperity & peacefulness. But the deeper reason for not risking very much is to keep up the fantasy / demand that someone else will eventually rescue us from having to grow up & be responsible for ourselves.
SOME ACoAs are :
a. MORE risk-averse – hardly ever taking risks of any kind, living mainly as victims, who stay in menial or unfulfilling jobs most of their work life, stay closer to home, don’t try new things, don’t reach out…
b. LESS averse: There are also some who are more adventuresome in many ways, possibly in the ‘action’ category, but afraid to risk in other important areas, often emotional, or a combination. EXAMPLES —
• speaking up for yourself, asking for your needs or preferences, protecting the Inner Child
• asking for help; making calls; talking to unfamiliar people
• responding to a Q which you know the answer to; asking Qs when unsure or confused
• setting boundaries or limits on what is acceptable behavior from others
• avoiding people who are needy, users, leaches, abusers
• leaving a bad or outgrown relationship OR rarely or never being in one; having an adequate support system
• having an adequate salary to live comfortably (under-earning), or greatly increasing your income
• pursuing a career passion or vocation which has been a long-held dream; taking classes to expand your world, ‘following your bliss‘
• starting over, somewhere else that’s more suitable to you
• trying out new foods; changing personal style of clothes or hair when appropriate (with age…), improving your living conditions
• looking for new, better or easier ways to do things —– etc.
• learning & then doing something creative, & showing it off
• can’t take center stage in your own life
• copy a parent’s life-long fear of risk
• obey your specific toxic rules
• rebel against family demands for success
• don’t want to lose the proof of their abuse
• not allowed to be visible, or out-shine them
also FEAR – of:
• abandonment, reprisals, punishment
• authority; not being perfect; not picking the right thing
• being a ‘laughing stock’
• being shown as incompetent (not knowing)
• dealing with competition
• having to deal with others’ jealousy
• not getting deepest desires, anyway
AND / OR
• we’ll have to face our childhood damage AND CHANGE!
• have to S & I (outgrow & out do unsuccessful family)
• may have to leave someone unsafe or incompatible (parent, friends, mate, children, job, addictions, locations….) if they prevent our growth
• have to deal with the discomfort of getting good things & being successful, as an adult – which the WIC says it doesn’t know how to be
• then have to take more risky steps after that… maybe even scarier (like: write something, then publish, then promote, then…)
RECOVERY: In terms of T.E.A., while risk is primarily about Actions, there are many which fit into Emotion & Thinking – the risk of personal growth, which comes from the WIC’s fear, as a result of:
T. – internally disbelieving & disobeying the Negative Introject, which is our addiction & attachment to our family (giving up our denial)
E. – being able to tolerate the painful emotions what surface in the process of letting go, both from re-experiencing pent-up old pain, as well as facing being hurt by current family judgment & abuse for ‘leaving them’ ie. upsetting the family mobile by changing the dysfunctional dynamics.
A. …. & all the healthy actions: clearly objecting to abuse, disobeying Toxic Rules by doing positive things, & sometimes having to distance ourselves from actual family members & dealing with the possible fallout
NEXT: Risk Addicted