IF I LISTEN CAREFULLY
I’ll be able to catch the NI’s lies
PREVIOUS: Negative Introject (Part 3)
See ACRONYM page for abbrev.
A starting point to free ourselves of this self-destructive attachment is to clearly hear what’s being whispered in our inner ear. We may never completely rid ourselves of the bad voice, but we can go a long way to setting it aside by no longer believing it & so not obeying it.
• Take each phrase that applies & write how it makes you feel emotionally (Es), & what negative patterns you’ve developed in response to it (As). Add any phrases of your own. Then for each one, find a loving & logical counter you can tell your Inner Child.
The NI / PP may be saying:
• “I’m JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU” – but everything the NI says is actually cruel, discouraging, fear-based & inaccurate/ distorted
• “I want to be proud of you, isn’t that normal?” – unfortunately it’s ONLY about how we reflect on IT, not what’s truly good for us
• “You can do anything you want”- but only as long as the NI approves
• ”You’re such a Good Boy / Good Girl” – as long as you do what I want!
• “I just want to stop you from making a big mistake” – It’s projecting:
— its own fear of taking any risks, much less positive ones
— mistakes it has made, without owning them or explaining to us
— its inability or unwillingness to see US for who we are – our abilities & personality. Can it image us a separate being, who may know what we want? who can take care of ourselves? who want something different out of life?
OR the NI may be saying:
• You’re a looser, so don’t bother, you never do anything right anyway
• you’re ugly, stupid, selfish… no one will ever want / love you
• no matter what you do, you’ll never get anywhere ….
….NONE of which is true about US, since when we first heard those awful things we were TOO YOUNG to have made a mess of OUR life yet!
About the world
“Sure, you can leave home (us) but just remember:
• the world is a dog-eat-dog place, don’t trust anyone
• no one will help you, you’re on your own
• everyone’s out to get you, so always watch your back….”
…..is what our parents really did experience, but in the larger sense it’s only somewhat true about the outside world, but for US, very true about our home life!
That’s how we know that what they told us was their dis-owned projections & which is now incorporated into our Negative Introject.
The Negative Introject is ONLY interested in itself, NOT us, no matter what it’s saying. We need to get this on a cellular level – in spite of the fact that it may say it “only wants to be helpful / only wants our best” – it’s really talking about its own survival, focused only on its own loneliness, fear of abandonment & self-hate, NOT ours.
• To the degree that it represent one or both damaged parents, the NI (they) wants to be taken care of, & not take care of us, in any way. Keep in mind that those original adults were also run by their WIC’s pain. They were narcissists (or worse) – emotional children who wanted to be rescued, to vent their rage & frustrations, using us to dump that on. Only their needs counted!
For many of our caretakers, the only POWER they had in the world came from controlling weaker beings (us) who wouldn’t defy them or leave – sometimes employees or friends, often a spouse, always the kids.
THIS IS CRUCIAL to understand, because the WIC is still trying to get their attention & love. THIS IS not possible!
YES, our external parents may say / have said they love us, but even if they felt an attachment it is/was in a selfish way – as an extension of themselves, not for who we are inherently. We can tell this by:
• the fact that we never felt safe, seen or loved by them AND feel rage, depressed, incompetent, even suicidal after spending time with them, now!
AND BY —
• paying attention to all they ways they disapprove(d) of us – not just some of our behavior & choices in order to teach & correct, as would be normal for loving parents, BUT of our Natural self – our very essence!
NEXT: Positive Introject – Healing