PROCESS – Recovery (Part 2b)

good life 

makes life easier

PREVIOUS: PROCESS – Recovery (#1)

BOOKsRecycles of Power” & “Cycles of life”, ~ Pam Levin

a. Awareness  (Part 1)
b. Acceptance

i. What: Present-day behavior patterns
• based on real-world info & experience
• motivated by self-respect & permission to act on our own behalf
• the result of S & I – taking center stage in our own life
• considering our effect on others, without being codependent

ii. HOW:
• taking appropriate risks, then observing the resultsfeed the mind
learning by trial & error, & never giving up
• always looking for possible, appropriate options
• considering realistic consequences
• asking for, gathering & using a variety of help

iii. WHO: Definitely from the Healthy Adult &/or Good Parent
• H.A. – the competent, objective part of us that has accumulated knowledge & experience about ourselves & the world
• G.P. – the mature care-taking part of us that has both kindness & boundaries, patience & limits, is compassionate but realistic

vi. About:
• do things for our own growth, not just for others
• stop to decide what to say or do, before ‘jumping’ ( not reacting)
• choose activities that are pleasurable but not self-destructive
• NOT using activities as a cover up for self-hate, loneliness, avoidance of painful emotions & relationship difficulties
• act based on our needs & in accordance with spiritual beliefs
• based on sound planning, & knowing our current limitations
• consider both the ‘price’ & rewards of our actions
• sometimes NO action is thtiminge best option
• some act. need to be repeated many times, to be effective
• learn timing – don’t force or try to control, but don’t wait too long; don’t try to do too much at the same time or schedule things too close together
• always give ourselves, & others, enough time to get things done

RECOVERY – 2 major ways to change our actions:
1. Do the opposite of our old behavior patterns (“Actions: Healthy Opposites post).  The trick is knowing what rational, healthy opposites are
2. Doing the same activity for an opposite reason.  The basic issue here is motive. This is even trickier, unless we are clear what our reasons are for our actions. And, others may not understand, so will sometimes give us a hard time, or walk away frustrated & disgusted.

EXP:  We may repeat an old behavior: staying in bed a lot, sleeping longer than usual, spending more time alone than with others (assuming we’re not physically ill), eating ‘family type’ foods
Old Motivation: To escape, to not feel old pain, not deal with difficult life situations, fear of ‘people, places & things’

Healthy Motivation (same action, new reason)
• to recover from re-experiencing deep emotional trauma (childhood pain)self growth
• to process a major stressor in the present (death, divorce, moving, marriage, a baby, new job, a fire…), when too many things are happening at once, especially if we have no control
• recover from Introject attacks – because we’re doing so well
• catch up on a lot of positive, new input – internally or externally
• resting up after a big event (wedding, surgery, travel….)

AND: IF we can NOT take some positive actions we would like to – YET – we can practice patience –  keep working at it & never give up!

NEXT: Ego States – Summary


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