ACCEPTANCE ISN’T SO BAD
once I understand it
PREVIOUS: Acceptance & ACoAs (Part 1)
2. HEALTHY ACCEPTANCE – Positive Acceptance IS acknowledging the TRUTH about things, without any make-up. It’s ONLY about what actually IS or WAS! It’s about reality, not what we wish things were like, what we think they should be, what others say things are like, or even what could potentially be.
It’s only about WHAT IS, such as:
• being damaged in childhood, whether from an alcoholic family or not
• that it caused us great harm
• that we are NOT the source of that damage
• that we’re responsible for fixing that damage, no matter how unfair
• that people aren’t always what we want them to be
• that we don’t have the power or the right to try to change people
• who people ACTUALLY are, not ignoring the parts that hurt us – etc
TWO WAYS to APPLY Acceptance
a. To break thru our Denial
Of the 3 As – Acceptance takes the longest because it includes:
✶ PAIN: This is hard, because we’ve already suffered so much, so don’t want any more & don’t believe it will ever end if we let ourselves ‘go there’
✶ TIME: We don’t want to hear that – after all, healing will take ‘forever’! We want it all now, because if something isn’t immediate, the I.C. is sure it never will happen – just more ‘proof’ that the universe doesn’t want us to have anything! Also, most ACoAs don’t have a realistic sense of how long things take, whether renovating an apartment or renovating our mind!
✶ PROCESS – (another concept we hate!), which goes on too darn long AND we don’t know how to do it. It all feels way too risky! No wonder we want to skip the middle ‘A’.
b. To increase our Healing
This also take time, because accepting good things into our life makes us very uncomfortable. It not only disobeys several Toxic Rules, but also because we’ve been living in a distorted universe, & gotten used to walking at a slant, crabbing along crooked walls, with rooms we’re not allowed in & others we hang out in that are filled with poisonous gas & broken furniture.
We don’t belong there but we think we don’t have the right or the ability to move out!
The way across seems invisible, but just like Indiana Jones, when we take that first step, suddenly there’s a narrow bridge that will get us to the other side. For a while we totter along with our arms out, always afraid we’ll fall into the abyss. Sometimes we run back to the familiar ugliness, & then tentatively try again. Eventually we notice the mansion turn into the shack it always was, & being in it becomes more & more noxious until we never want to go back.
ACCEPTING good things requires that we slowly:
• leave behind all our ratty, smelly baggage & garbage in the old inner universe with that broken down spooky old mess we grew up in, dropping the rags of our False Self a piece at a time
• and gradually move our True Self into a new inner universe, with a castle that we have a full deed to, which has level floors, clearly defined halls, stairs & comfortable rooms, with beautiful furnishings!
Some Positive things to Accept and CELEBRATE:
• We’re OK just as we are, today, imperfectly
• Recovery is possible, for each of us, according to our capacity
• We have the right to be loved unconditionally, & to love others without sacrificing ourselves
• We have a right to all our emotions, & to express them appropriately
• We can follow our bliss & express all our talents
• It’s OK to make mistakes – without feeling stupid or humiliated
• There’s no such thing as failure, only opportunities to try out new things & learn from things that don’t work for us
• We have many good qualities and talents (do a positive inventory)
• There are safe, kind people in the world, & they do/will like / love our True Self
• It’s good to take time out. Vegging is useful & necessary, from time to time – for processing our experiences & our emotions, – etc.
The 3 As can be used in small ways every day, to improve our life, like:
A-1 = AWARENESS that I’m not feeling well today
A-2 = ACCEPTANCE that I have a right to take care of myself, I don’t have to be on the go all the time, I can only do so much…
A-3 = ACTION that I can call in sick, stay in, get help, cancel something, rest…
♥ YOU are worth the effort, whether or not your family valued you. ♥
NEXT:Why resist talking to The IC? #1