ACoAs UNDER-Trusting (Part 3)


but I’m afraid to let anyone in

PREVIOUS: Under-Trusting (Part 2)

REVIEW post: ”Lack of Trust

QUOTES: “Our distrust is very expensive.”  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
“….but you will live in torment unless you trust enough.” ~Frank Crane
“He who does not trust enough, will not be trusted.” ~Lao Tzu

A perception of competence is the belief that when we need to cooperate with other people, we’re capable of giving each other what we need. In abusive situations, perhaps the most obvious violation of competence is the neglectful parent.

A perception of intentions in a trusting relationship is when we believe that everyone’s working towards some shared desire and no one’s going to be exploited. However – we can’t trust someone who we think / know is trying to use us – only for their own benefit    (MORE….)

RESULTS of UNDER-Trusting (UT)
• Cause problems in fulfilling our potential, because we don’t trust genuine praise, OR helpful info from friends, bosses, teachers….deprivation

• Deprivation – we end up having to do everything ourselves & what we can’t do alone gets left undone – even if it’s important

• Don’t experience the joys & challenges of intimacy because we never let our guard down AND don’t find out what’s really going on w/ someone else

• Don’t let others know who we are – really, not just our needs but our abilities, SO don’t get the mirroring, validation we need

• Keeps us from risking (which takes a certain trust / faith in the possibility of good outcomes), because we don’t have help when needed (sick, moving, fired, divorce, kids…)

• Keeps us isolonely-seniorlated: we start out suspicious / paranoid from childhood & the isolation makes us more so because we don’t know what’s really going on around us

• Lose respect & ‘street cred’ at work for not being more social or a team player

• Makes us bitter & cynical about others, because we miss out on great friendships & love – that can heal

• Miss out on available info, opportunities which could help us advance or find a new direction in life we would prefer

• Miss out of fun, camaraderie, alleviates some of the loneliness, AND provide relaxation

• People don’t easily come to us for our knowledge, expertise, help…SO we don’t always get the admiration & honors we’ve earned & wish for

• Possibly lose loved ones, friends, even jobs – by being stingy, suspicious, unfriendly, uncommunicativespiritual disconnect

• On a broader scale, under-trusting separates us from the world at large. It can make us suspicious of anyone ‘not like us’, potentially leading to anti-social behavior

• UT makes it hard to have a spiritual connection which prevents us from having a sense of belonging to the human race, leaving us ‘out in the cold’ just like we were in our family

NEXT: Patterns of Mistrust – #1

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