I KNOW WHO I AM
& it’s OK to not be perfect
PREVIOUS: Being Confident, Part 3
SITE: “Line of confidence” chart, to help businesses & families
QUOTES: “The more you love your decisions, the less you need other to love them too.” Anon
“I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become.” Carl Jung
REMINDER: Do NOT let yourself get overwhelmed by this 5-part list. It’s meant to be a guide, qualities to work towards. Looking at the cup half full – or more – notice & then acknowledge when you have expressed a little of any one of these in your daily life. Then give yourself a pat on the back, & remind your Inner Child of your progress!
CONFIDENT People (cont):
● are driven to improve themselves. They take the time to be introspective, evaluate their actions, own weaknesses, process any leftover childhood damage, & always look to the future. They relish searching for & finding how things work, what they can do to improve themselves & their performance – in all area of their life, & are willing to outgrow any bad habits that hinder their progress.
● trust their judgment. Instead of focusing on trusting others, they rely on their experience & observations to identify who’s safe & who’s not. They don’t need to second-guess themselves, because they know their rights as human beings, as well as their personal tastes & opinions.
● don’t mind making mistakes. They can admit in any circumstance that they don’t have all the answers. Not worried about being wrong, they can graciously accept & admit it when they are. They bounce back from errors, using it as an opportunity to learn about what is correct. Even the most confident people have some insecurities. They’ve learned that life is full of ups & downs, & that feeling insecure may depend on where they are, who they’re with, their health, good or bad events…. but it doesn’t last.
● recognize mistakes & setbacks are learning opportunities. They don’t berate themselves for errors in action or judgment, realizing that every mistake is an opportunity to learn more about their likes & dislikes, who other people are, what’s possible or not in the world. They just figure out ways to be more successful next time. Seeing errors or setbacks in this way shifts ones thinking toward the positive, creating more confidence.
● aren’t afraid to look silly. They don’t mind being seen when they’re not at their best. Occasionally “looking bad” makes them more human & accessible. They don’t have to be 100% a 100% of the time. They can be caught off guard, unprepared, be the butt of a joke, having a bad hair day, or find that the equipment isn’t working for a presentation – without becoming self-conscious or awkward. They may be able to quietly ‘fix’ the problem, get help or just go with the flow, depending on the circumstance.
• Confident people have a good sense of humor, about themselves & life in general, so even if they can’t tell a joke to save their lives, they can appreciate the irony in everyday events. Being genuine & unpretentious encourages other people to laugh with them, not at them.
● avoid self-promotion. Positive self-assurance permits genuine modesty / humility. They’re not as bothered (as insecure people are) if they don’t get all the credit for their ideas or hard work. Braggers are insecure & lack self-respect, who secretly think: “Please notice me and tell me that I’m special”.
• Confident people know what they’re capable of – or not – & their actions speak for them. They enjoy being acknowledged, admired, lauded, respected…. because they’re comfortable with who they are & what they’ve achieved. But they don’t need the glory from others, since true validation is an inside job.
● don’t need approval from the whole world. A professional and social network of hundreds or even thousands may have some business advantages, but don’t contribute to self-esteem. Confident people would rather have the respect & trust of a handful of people they consider important. Where ever they go or what they try, those who truly matter believe in them & are consistently supportive, whether at home, at work or in public.
● don’t gossip, envy or compare. They can keep confidences (+), & don’t want to participate in rag-fests (-), since they don’t have a need to be one-up to anyone.
They don’t compare themselves to others, or others to each other. Each person is unique, with their own personality & experiences. Al-Anon says to not “compare & despair”.
They rarely focus on envy or jealousy, (which is intensified by comparisons), because they are empowered by being able to achieve their own goal. For confident people, what others are or have is ‘none of their business’.
NEXT: Confident People (Part 5)