Anger – Negative USES (Part 2)

anger at selfNOTE to READERS: Here is Part 2
which I forgot to add in Feb!

REVIEW: – Anger : Negative Uses

SITEs: “Angry/negative people can be bad for your brain” (Mirror Neurons &  Emotional contagion).
ALSO: PFC & Mirror Neurons: The Arena of Shen & Hun?” (scroll way down) From Chinese medicine

BOOK: “IN SHEEP’S CLOTHING re. manipulative people

NEGATIVE uses of Anger (cont)
ISOLATION – being so angry at the way people are – disappointing, hurtful, thoughtless, unavailable…. (“The whole world sucks, so I’m not participating”)
FALSE POWER, to let us feel like we’re in charge of Self, others & life in general, when we’re actually NOT
ATTENTION – a negative way to be seen, heard, respected, feared….

ATTACKING – display of anger used as a weapon, but not necessarily from actually feeling angry: to intimidate, punish, destroy someone’s self-image, shock into submission

COERCION – use one’s position of power to dominate, force someone to back down, be quiet, do only what we want – against their will…. Bullies only win if they appear powerful AND the other side’s options are limited

— to mange or change how some else feelscontrolling
— to get our own way about something, at another’s expense
— to make someone feel guilty so we don’t have to
— keep trying to get someone to change for us (be what we want / think we need)

DEFENSE against:
— being abandoned (“if I keep finding fault & being angry at you, I can leave first”)
— others’ emotions, which can trigger Es in us we don’t want to feel / also against someone’s FEAR, which makes us feel afraid too
DEMEANING another to feel one-up or less vulnerable : make fun of, dismiss, degrade, insult, roll one’s eyes, shame, mimic….

DISTANCE: prevent others from getting too close, as false boundaries put up walls to protect our vulnerable inner self
— avoid physical &/or emotional intimacy
— blocks communicationScreen Shot 2016-06-01 at 4.11.54 PM

DIVERSION / deflecting someone’s attention away from:
— a sensitive / painful topic
— info the person wants to hide
— a situations the person can’t handle or wants to escape /
— a personal weakness or limitation

Getting away with inappropriate anger creates & then reinforces a false sense of entitlement, an illusory feeling of moral superiority that can be used to justify immoral actions, with the belief that”the end justifies the means” (used to justify bullying, collateral damage, purges, terrorism…)

MANIPULATION – keep people off-balance, even if we’re not really angry,
— so we don’t have to do what they want, (but won’t admit it)Screen Shot 2016-06-01 at 4.11.43 PM
— are not able to give them what they want (afraid to say so)
— stop them from something demanding of us
— deflect their anger at us

— of our abusive/neglectful parents onto others OR
— projecting only negative outcomes into the future , about something we want or is imp to us & assume we won’t get it

PUNISHMENT / revenge, as payback for real or imagined injury

SEPARATION – inappropriate way to separate (cover FoA) – always starting a fight before leaving
— destroy other people’s boundaries (need for symbiosis)
— the needs of another – so we don’t have to deal with or provide them
— the emotions of others – so they don’t trigger our own vulnerability, & feel like we have to fix them (but don’t know how & don’t really want to!)

NEXT: New Template


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