Anger – Ways to REACT (Part 1)

Screen Shot 2015-06-07 at 3.15.09 PM I HAVE LOTS OF OPTION
for expressing my anger!

PREVIOUS: Anger – Negative uses  (#2)

SITE: List of phrases about anger or conflict (date rape, hot-blooded, road rage, tit-for-tat….)

See ‘ACRONYM’ page for abbrev.

NOTE: The following posts give several versions of the BASIC ways to categorize how people react to their own or other people’s anger/rage (Unsafe ‘In or Out’ & Safe).

DEALING with Anger – ours & others’
A & C – OUTWARD : directed at other people, places or things
A. Indirect, sneaky or passive ways of taking out ones anger on others without admitting or dealing with it
C. Direct, being:
• Assaultive – physical, verbal & sexual cruelty
• Aggressive – attack on the other person’s identity rather than on their actions/non-actions
CHART:  ‘Captain Cranky
B. INWARD: anger is suppressed & used against oneself, for FEAR of:
— hurting / offending othersMY dynamics of anger
— being disliked / rejected
— losing control
— disobeying “Never get angry”
— the emotional intensity
— losing close relationships

It can be EXPRESSED as:
— anxiety, guilt, illness, tiredness
— any form of self harm
— lack of sexual desire
— all types of Self-Hate
— all addictive behavior
— whining, complaining
— little communication / quiet remoteness, depression

Anger RESOLUTION, finding direct ways to managing, changing or leaving problem situations, using the Healthy Adult ego state

ANIMAL Symbolism
This chart contrasts the Ostrich (Passive), Rhinoceros (Aggressive) & Elephant (Healthy) ways of dealing with anger :
• Ostrich = ignore, deny emotion / • Rhino = attack, deny responsibility
• Elephant (best) = be calm, understand, negotiate, expressed by:
1. Knowing ‘anger-signals’, from self or others, & then staying awake for their appearance
2. Using a variety of productive & safe ways to respond (MORE….)

One of these 3 anger ANIMALSprotocols:
• Face & deal with the problem
• Ask questions to have enough information to solve the problem
• Re-frame the situation – “What else could this mean?”
Don’t take criticism personally, but learn from it – if it fits
• Disconnect from ‘ego’ to be part of the solution
• Use the S.M.A.R.T. action plan to solve problems
• Ask yourself what you can learn from this situation
• Then let it go of the whole thing. Forgive yourself, if appropriate
ELEPHANT JOURNAL Article : “How anger serves us & How to let go”

MOOD MAPS can be used to become aware of our own anger & place to in relation to other emotions. (Chart)











CHART: A healthy expression of anger is one way to be assertive (not aggressive).
— Unhealthy expression is to dump anger – either at others or at oneself.
— Doing nothing with one’s anger is a form of suppression/denial & leads toanger reactions depression.

NOTE: Sounding FIRM is not automatically an expression of anger. It can simply mean being sure of something, determination or wanting to make a point.  This also applies to teaching, correcting & providing discipline, which is meant to guide & support.
— However, if you hear firmness, corrections or giving direction as an attack or put-down, when it’s not meant as such, the WIC will experience the same fear & weakness as if it were, based on childhood trauma.

NEXT: Ways to React (Part 2)

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