PREVIOUS: Anger Categories (Part 3)
OTHER Anger-EXPRESSIONS (cont)
Bullies vent their anger on those who don’t matter to them, or who they’re actively trying to under-mine. They need to intimidate (using Anger + Fear) to be one up – via verbal assaults, seduction, mind games, political maneuvering….
— Even tho they are indeed be fueled by aggressive anger, bullies can control outward signs of it much of the time in public, by disguising their true intentions & emotions, especially around people they feel the need to impress & who are therefore unlikely to see the bully’s cruel side. (MORE….re. the workplace)
NOTE: Both severe narcissists & bullies are only interested in getting their own way & can’t empathize with their victims. However, one basic difference is that:
• bullies know their victims hate what’s happening to them & that they haven’t done anything to the perpetrator directly. Targets are just seen as fearful, passive & vulnerable (weak), so ‘deserve’ to be pick on, while —-
• narcissists can’t even imagine that other people have needs or feelings different from their own & are completely baffled when someone disagrees, balks or gets mad. They can’t understand how anyone would object to their words, demands or actions – since others are just tools to be used – not separate entities in their own right.
CHEMICAL anger – This can include an imbalance of neuro-chemicals such as serotonin & testosterone, poor nutrition, low blood sugar levels, and a side effect of some medication, ‘natural substances’, & drugs (‘roid rage, PCP berserking….). In terms of substance abuse – many street drugs have serious adverse effects, & we know that alcohol suppresses ‘normal’ internal inhibitions, seriously impairing awareness & responses to external social cues. We see this in the violent or ‘mean drunk’. What they say may or may not be what they really think & feel, unleashed because they’ve temporarily lost self-control. (MORE...)
A way to gain power over other people & situation, to force things to go their way, or when something doesn’t turn out the way they wanted. This anger can be in the form of acting superior, being a poor loser, expecting kiss/ make-up sessions to solve problems, not paying attention, not delegating, mistrusting everyone, showing off, talking over people’s heads, wanting center stage all the time…. (Post: “ACoAs acting controlling”)
• If someone is afraid of losing their job they may feel anger, which can be acted out in many ways, such as badmouthing co-workers, in the hope of getting them fired to save one’s own position
• If someone or group is afraid their candidate will lose an election, they might get angry & argue with anyone leaning toward the opponent to get them to switch sides, rather than focusing on the issues or the candidates’ records……
Deliberate / Planned: Sounding & acting angry when the person is not actually angry about something – at least at first. This type is all about control, so you won’t expect them to blow up, making their reaction even more shocking. They really know what they’re doing. It’s a performance, without having to invest any real emotion, a way achieve power by threatening or bullying others – but this only works on the damaged & vulnerable for any length of time.
This is a tactic actually taught to cops, interrogators & top salespeople,
& used by some parents, teachers & bosses…. as a way to manipulate & intimidate a person or group into doing what they want (be quiet, buy a product, do a task, go away….)
— OR used ‘positively’ by some preachers, therapists, politician or other group leaders – as a way to rouse a person or group to action for the good of their soul, their family, community or world.
(Article: “What Do You Mean I’m Being Controlling?”)
DEF: DBs are created by trying to force you to obey or accept 2 opposing messages at the same time. You can’t object & you’ll be punished for whichever one you can’t ‘do’, so either choice will be the wrong one, causing loss & pain. Trapped between Scylla & Charybdis. (POSTS: D.Messages // D.Binds)
• Anger used to create a DB
EXP: Workplace displays of anger raise the status of men BUT lower that of women (a form of Ambivalent Sexism)
• Anger from being put in a DB
The Person in a DB is trapped & as long as they try to please the Sender, they end up paralyzed, because there is no resolution (except to get out). This no-win position inevitably causes frustration, anger, & eventually helpless rage. (Women & Anger – D. Bind)
Sarcasm, at its most complex, causes psychological DBs, producing mental & emotional tension. Depending on circumstances, this tension will be released either as anger/aggression, verbal relief or relaxation. (MORE….. excellent info)
NEXT: Anger Categories (Part 5)