ACoAs – Arrogance vs HUMILITY (Part 2a)

to think well of myself – realistically

PREVIOUS: ARROGANCE vs Humility (Part 1)

SITE: The key to Dignified Humility: Admitting you’re Wrong

: So, I’m not Perfect! – A Psychology of Humility ~ Robert J. Fury (not religious)

QUOTEs: “True humility is strength, not weakness. It disarms antagonism and ultimately conquers it.” ~Meher Baba
“To be truly great one has to stand with people, not above them” ~ Charles de Montesquieu, French politician & philosopher

DEF: From the Latin ‘humilitas’ = ‘low, from the earth, grounded’
• To not think oneself better than others (but never self-deprecating!)
• Recognize & accept our limitations based on an accurate estimate of our importance & value. Opposite of grandiosity, narcissism, hubris, & other forms of negative pride. EXP:Usain Bolt
NOT H: IF Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt were to say that he is not a speedy guy, it would either be a joke, false humility or S-H, since he’s truly the speediest of all!
YES H: What he DID say was that – his accomplishments need to be placed in the context of Jamaican track-and-field emphasis and excellence, which reflect those who have helped him. !

HUMILITY (H), sometimes called “modesty”, is most often talked & written about in religious terms. The great religions espouse it, spiritual teachers encourage it, preachers & parents try to instill it.
➼ However, here we mainly want to consider what it means as a psychological & social character trait.

• But even without a religious context, H can still take on a moral and/or ethical dimension. It’s the ability to acknowledge that we have problems, faults, pains, make mistakes, act in ways that we don’t want to, say and think things that we know are not good…. Humility is acknowledging how we actually are, right now.

Oscar Ichazo, in ‘The Enneagram of Personality’, gives us a good clue to the meaning of H – as being a true virtue: “It is acceptance of the limits of the body – its capacities. The intellect holds unreal beliefs about its own powers. The body knows precisely what it can and cannot do. Humility in its largest sense is the knowledge of the true human position in the cosmic scale.”

Appropriate H (not martyrdom, S-H,  or victimhoodVictim vs Martyr (click on chart) is firmly rooted in self-esteem, an inner security that comes from permission to be oneself,  & the ability to provide for one’s own needs & wants – so we don’t have to depend on what others think of us to  be OK with ourselves. H people are clear that, while they know they definitely have personal value, they must see themselves in perspective, with the understanding that each of    us is a very small cog in a very large universe.
➼ With this broad & realistic view, the truly humble person cannot be humiliated.

NOTE: To develop H, children need to form a secure attachment, starting in infancy, which comes from receive balanced & consistent parenting, firm guidance & realistic role-modeling.
✥ As adults – a most important aspect of H is the realization that our lives & concerns are valuable, but no more important than anyone else’s.

H & P AXISDIAGRAM – Any extreme is unhealthy:
• Too much Pride & we act superior, untouchable
Too much H, & we’ll let every one walk on us
Healthy Pride is empowering
Healthy H means we don’t need to engage in impression management  ~ Barbara C. McCloskey, author

LaBouff & Assoc. ran 3 H studies (2012) with college students, which showed that humble people are more helpful than those who are less so. Students who reported valuing humility were willing to help another student, even without much external pressure. Other people also matter, & we can matter more to others if we matter ‘less’ to ourselves.

• Other studies echo this conclusion. H makes one a more valuable member of society & is a consistent predictor of generosity. It has been linked with better academic and job performance, & correlated with the Need for achievement (Na). It helps advance one’s fortune in the world, & is excellent for leadership.
▶ Humble people have better social relationships: tend to be cooperative, compassionate, flexible, forgiving, grateful, open, admit mistakes & avoid deception.

• Exline & Hill showed that H people are well-adjusted, kind, self-aware, intelligent without thinking they’re all-knowing, & accept their limitations. They ALSO value the welfare of other people, having the ability to ‘forget themselves’, when appropriate.  ARTICLE (5/12)

NEXT: Humility (Part 2b)


2 thoughts on “ACoAs – Arrogance vs HUMILITY (Part 2a)

  1. Your topics are always spot-on with what’s going on with me.
    Thanks for continuing your hard work & sharing it with us. Invaluable.

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