I WISH THEY HAD BEEN
more helpful & supportive!
PREVIOUS: Parent styles, #2
BOOK: “Parenting with Love & Logic” includes Drill Sergeant, Helicopter, Counselor/Consultant – Forster Cline, M.D. & Jin Fay
Obviously, different parental styles contribute to how each child turns out – their adapted personalities types – most often forming the false Persona of wounded people. It is a major factor in how well a child will succeed in life – whether they manage, achieve, meet & overcome challenges OR flounder, run from stress, fail to cope or give up.
A 1994 study found that “good adjustment” in adolescence was overwhelmingly associated with parenting style. (Steinberg, Samborn, Darling, Mounts & Dornbusch, in ‘Child Development’).
Of interest is what helps or hinders the development of wisdom, which involves being flexible – the ability to use different kinds of behavior when circumstances demand a change in response.
Whatever the reason or circumstance, when parents stick to only one style, a child will only learn that way of dealing with conflict & uncertainty. When parents are inability or unwillingness to vary their way of interacting, they stifle the kind of flexibility needed to develop wisdom in later life.
RESULTS of Parent Styles (short form)
Autocratic (authoritarian) parents tend to produce children who are “dismissing” of others. Other people have no intrinsic worth but must prove themselves worthy of respect and attention, just as the child had to do with his/her parents. This is commonly referred to as “conditional regard.” You are only worth what you earn.
Indulgent parents who give their children free rein, tend to create adults with a “preoccupied” relationship with others. As adults they want to reproduce with others the same indulgent, ‘unconditional regard’ they got from their parents, forever chasing a lost childhood.
Indifferent parents who are cold & fitfully controlling, create an atmosphere of uncertainty & doubt for their children. An absence of affection, rules or emotional support sets a child adrift in a chaotic social world without a built-in compass. This creates ‘fearful’ adults who usually find the social world extremely difficult & so try to limit or avoid relationships.
Democratic parents produce a more ‘secure’ adult, from receiving warmth & affection, but within a set of rules for behavioral guide-lines.
However, if these parents are too supportive without letting the child know when something is ‘off’ in their thinking or behavior, they may grow up to be overconfident about their ability to engage with & persuade others, the same way they were able to do with their parents. Without any sense of uncertainty /insecurity, these adults may form delusions of grandeur, with the belief that they’re capable of greatness, without the actual ability.
LONG FORM – composite