THE WAY I COMMUNICATE
is consistent with my Type
PREVIOUS: EnneaLanguage – Basics 1c
SITE: ✥ Tapes of famous people’s talk style ✥
BOOK: “Full Face to God: Introduction to the Enneagram”, David Mahon
TALK STYLES (outline) The Enneagram opens the doors of communication in many ways, which always begins with us. The better we knows ourselves, the easier it is to communicate effectively with others.
INTERNALLY referenced people provide their own motivation. They decide about the quality of their own work & have trouble accepting other people’s opinions or outside direction. They will gather info from others, questioning input from others, then choose what to do with it.
Language Pattern: They know or decide on their own, evaluating their own performance. They resisting instruction from others, which is only seen as info.
EXTERNALLY references people need others’ opinions & outside direction. They are motivated by what others want or decide. If they don’t get feedback, they can’t always tell how they’re doing. They have trouble starting or continuing activities without some kind of mirroring.
Language Pattern: Need to compare their work to a norm or standard. Other people or external sources of info are their guide & judge, & is taken as a decision or order.
Each type has :
— a unique approach to speaking & writing, based on inborn talent, which can easily be picked up on — conversation stoppers blocking healthy communication, used unconsciously when anxious & based in our defensive pattern
● BUT, sometimes we do need a version of conversation stoppers to help set reasonable limits, indicate personal boundaries and protect us from unhealthy, boundary-violating exchanges — language blockers can be used to manipulate & cause conflict, whether deliberately or not. When used to push away or attack others, at best they lead to poor quality conversations, at worst they’re poisonous. ● The counter to the blocking style comes from each type’s natural ART, creating FLOW in communication & an aid to relationships, but needs to be practiced, since it’s not usually our default position
Talking Styles by Type (CHART)
JAXON-BAER / ROHR
1 Preaching – Moralizing
2 Advising – Flattering, advising
3 Propaganda – Wooing, impressing
4 Lamentation – Lyrical lamentation
5 Treatise – Explaining, systematizing
6 Setting limits – Warning, limiting
7 Stories – Garrulous, storytelling
8 Laying trips – Challenging, unmasking
9 Saga – Monotonous, rambling
✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥
TYPE 1s give SERMONS, PREACH & TEACH
Self-talk: ‘That’s not right, I am good, I know best, I want perfection’
Their WORDS are about: judging, bad/good, what’s correct, excellent, must, ought to, perfection, policies, responsibility, right/wrong, should
Public Speaking Manner: Preachy
Style: 1s often have tense voices, as if there’s some sort of upset or anger underneath, that they’re suppressing. THEY are:
• Concise, direct, detailed, exacting, precise
• Defensive if criticized
• React quickly to ideas, especially if they strongly agree or disagree
• More likely to share thoughts about tasks rather than emotions
Pitfalls: 1s can pontificate – because they ‘know’ what’s right! When they get so caught up in minutia – they lose their listeners, OR end up never giving a speech at all because it isn’t right – yet. Can be so rigid they never change their message, for fear it will be wrong.
USE language to: admonish, correct, find fault, preach, remind others of obligations
Others can experience 1s as closed-minded & unfeeling
CONFLICT Style: have a poker face, admonish, condescend, find fault, moralize, nitpick, unemotional or explosive if pushed too far
MANIPULATE / cause Conflict by: constantly correcting others, pointing out what’s wring in the environment, insisting that others share the standards & values of the #1
BLOCK others by: being critical, disapproving, judgmental
For BOUNDARIES: 1s need realistic & healthy judgment, to determine what is and isn’t helpful, safe, right for self & others
To FLOW in conversation, need GRACE: use Tact & Respect – to forgive, heal & be compassionate To RESOLVE conflicts with 1s: Don’t tell them they‘re wrong. Find a way to validate their opinion, but hold your ground. Try to avoid the words ‘wrong, incorrect, bad’ to prevent escalation. Gently help them see how they’re being angry or hurtful, as 1s have a fear of their own anger
NEXT: TALK types (Part 2b)