MY WORDS & EXPRESSIONS
always give me away
PREVIOUS: Talk Types 2a
REVIEW: Intro explanation from Part 2a
TYPE 2s give ADVICE, COMPLIMENTS, HELP, PRAISE & SYMPATHY
Self-talk: ‘You need me’.
Words are About: connection, falling in love, inspirational, help, need, potential, service, strong/weak, we/us
Public Speaking Manner: Warmth
Style: 2s talk to people attentively, showing they’re interested by eye contact & verbal encouragement. They like to give & get compliments, and love to give helpful advice. But – when upset, 2s can speak with hysterical fury.
THEY: • Ask question
• Talk in a soft voice unless angry or agitated
• Focus on what others are talking about, with fewer references to self
• Get angry or complain when they dislike what others say about something that matters to them
Pitfalls: Get lost in the emotional stories and lose the audience. Get over-emotional. Feel pride for giving so much, & think the audience should be grateful. ‘Shape-shift’ to be liked – can seem wishy-washy.
USE language to: befriend, comfort, get personal, meet needs, offer friendly advice, pitch in, support
Others can experience 2s as over-helpful, nagging, controlling, resentful
CONFLICT STYLE: blustery anger, dramatic, emotionally explosive, entitled, OR acting the martyr, sulking, teary. 2s are set off by thinking they’re not kind, helpful or by the implication that their ‘helping’ efforts aren’t well received.
MANIPULATE / create CONFLICT by: forming dependency on themselves – always ready to give helpful tips, consoling or teaching advice. Masters at creating rapport & then by figuring out & trying to provide what they think others need & want
BLOCK others by: being presumptuous – over-helping, over-advising
For BOUNDARIES: 2s need ‘arrogance’ – actually assertiveness – to speak up for themselves
For FLOW in conversation, need COMFORT: for themselves – physical, emotional and intellectual
To RESOLVE conflicts with 2s: When they feel used or undervalued, assure them their efforts are appreciated & are not in vain. BUT:
— remind them they’re choosing to do whatever they’re doing
— you want them to take care of themselves
— Acknowledge their emotions, but don’t cater to their histrionics
✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥
TYPE 3s use PROPAGANDA, SALES, PITCHES, SELF-PROMOTION
Self-talk: ‘Watch me shine’.
Their WORDS are About: achievement, completion of tasks, doing, goals, efficiency, success, winning. Say: Awesome, Outstanding, Wonderful……
Public Speaking Manner : Convincing
Style: 3s can have a fixed stare when talking to others, which can come across as fake, like they’re pretending to listen but are much more interested in the impression they are making. They often name-drop & ‘casually’ mention new projects or acquisitions to show how successful they have become (the humble brag?).
THEY: • Think and respond quickly, with confidence
• Are confident, direct, enthusiastic, fast-paced, topic-focused
• Are impatient with lengthy conversations
• Avoid topics they don’t know much about or reflect badly on them
• Use clear, efficient, logical, well formulated words, concrete examples
Pitfalls: May not have a real message – being strong on style but low on content or having an actual point. Can seem too slick, too polished, so the audience won’t trust them. Can cut corners and slide through by pretend to know more than they actually do.
Use language to: advertise, exclaim, motivate, perform, promote
Others can experience 3s as overly efficient, restrictive, & overriding others’ views
MANIPULATE / create CONFLICT by: being charming, & taking on whatever image will ‘work’ to look good & get what they want. Trying to impress by always talking about how well they’re doing, how great things are, what-all they’ve done.
BLOCK others by: dishonesty – outright lies or by evasions
CONFLICT style: arrogant, condescending, dismissive, evasive, sly, narcissistic, superior, undermining. 3s are triggered when they feel undervalued or dismissed. They can easily get angry when their success & drivenness are misunderstood or undermined
For BOUNDARIES: need ‘untruth’ by omitting bragging or status language (to avoid truth-paralysis) so they can move forward
To FLOW in conversation, need APPRECIATION: by appreciating self & others – maximize strengths & minimize weaknesses
To RESOLVE conflicts with 3s: Set aside some time to discuss issues, & don’t let them try to smooth things over with promises or apologies, especially when they don’t understand the situation.
In a close relationship, appreciate their hard work but emphasize the importance of connecting. Help them express emotions instead of “just the facts”, as they use that to prevent feeling too much.
NEXT: Ennea Humor -Part 2