ACoAs MANIPULATING Self & Others (Part 2d)


 

PREVIOUS: Manipulating self #2c

 


INNER CHILD :  WIC’s manipulation 
(cont.)
a. ACTION/practical (Part 2c)


b. EMOTIONAL self-con (cont.)
As a result:
• We keep putting off the Es we are aware of, including any which crop up as a result of life’s interactions (painful or happy ones)
• AND stay unaware of the backlog we’ve hidden from ourselves. We may be shocked & ashamed of how we act them out.

So, by allowing the WIC to con us into not acknowledging & getting our feelings out, old & more recent Es keep piling up. At some point the kettle boils over & we explode or we implode, turning the Es inward into paralyzing depression
Since our WIC is choking on all the unprocessed pain we’ve accumulated thru the years – when we’re triggered by a person or event similar to our early experiences :hide from Es

Either we go numb, & compulsively find things to distract us, often for hours on end (TV, Facebook, self-pleasuring, sleeping, isolating, drinking, spending, cleaning, exercising ….)
This is a way the WIC cons us into not recognizing Es, assuming it’s not safe to do so – while in fact that just makes us more stuffed up (like not being able to breathe from a bad cold), & therefore more weighed down, more distressed.

OR our Es go from 0 to 100 (instant rage, overwhelming sadness, depression, hopelessness, OR ecstatic fantasy highs), & over-react internally or to people around us without considering the consequences to ourselves or others.
The KID jusraging Est wants to vent, convinced that if it doesn’t it will burst. It doesn’t want to be reined in – assuming that any restriction represents being told to not have its feelings – the same as in our childhood.

• AND, Some of us are more emotionally oriented (dramatic Ennea 4s, Water Signs….). We are flooded with Es & assume we can’t modify or keep them in.
But in Recovery we learn that intense Es come from sitting on decades of pain – no matter what our Natural type is. And we come to understand that impulsively venting them willy-nilly is neither healthy for us nor an acceptable way of treating others.

Attacking, blaming, snarling at, insulting, yelling at, cold-shouldering…. may feel ‘normal’ to the WIC, but it’s actually acting out, ‘throwing up’ & cdramaticopying one or more of our family members
— on to innocent victims, who are not responsible for our damage, & can’t heal us, OR
— on the original perpetrators, trying to force them to acknowledge our suffering & their abuse – to no avail.

RECOVERY
This is when using “influence/ persuasion” (normal manipulation) is required. The WIC has been running our inner world, which has given it a sense of power, no matter how illusory.  Now we’re saying – No – do it this new way, & the kid says “F-U”.  So we need to find ways around the resistance to disobeying Bad Rules <—- > to find the chink in the wall of defenses
BY:
• Providing logical & accurate arguments to counter the cognitive distortions (mental cons / mind-games) of the WIC or PP
EXP: “You don’t have the power to harm another person (parents) by just feeling your feelings – in an appropriate place & in WALL 2a safe way” //  “You cannot be both damaged (fixable) & defective (un-fixable)”

• Making a bargain with the WIC for something legitimate it wants very much, & so will give in a little to get it
EXP: I’ll take you to the movies/comedy show/ dance…. if you quietly let me do my Adult work first. THEN – you, the grownup, must keep your promise as soon as possible – or you lose all credibility.

• Regularly using exercises for the Right Brain, to bypass or reprogram our negative thinking, with new info, insight & understanding (Left brain)
EXP: meditation, drawing, music & dance, prayer, making collages…..& things like Brain Gym & Bio-Feedback to reorganize & restore the mind’s natural balance.  Studying & then using NLP for ourselves helps correct actions, beliefs & emotional reactions  (MORE...)

AND Inner Child visualizations – try several from Yahoo – for any you’d like

NEXT:  Manipulating OTHERS #3a

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