ACoAs: DIS-comfort & Comfort (Part 3)


SOME THINGS BOTHER ME
a lot more than others

PREVIOUS: Dis-comfort & Comfort #2

SITE: Answer Qs: Are you happy in your own skin? (Body issues)

See ACRONYM page for abbrev.


2. NEGATIVE DIS-comfort
(cont.)
UNDER ‘feel’ (Part 2)

OVER ‘feel’
At the same time, having so much of our energy tied up in denial we’re the ‘walking wounded’, leaving us with very little reserve for dealing with anything unexpected. So when something big does hit us, we withdraw, fall apart, get sick, get belligerent….. & generally take a long time to get over it.

over-reactingPrecisely because of our pain backlog, many ACoAs’ default setting is to make everything into a big drama. We can over-react to even ‘minor’ frustrations more than is called for – as if they’re life & death events. “Touch me & I bleed!” We get too angry, too impatient & frustrated, too easily insulted, take things too personally….. no matter the size or importance of an issue in reality, including  situations that have nothing to do with us. Losing a favorite object can feel just as terrible as losing a loved one!

BTW – This intensity tell us that no matter how trivial something is – if we’re triggered (have a very strong emotional reaction) – the very fact that it upsets us is absolute proof that it is similar or identical to something that happened to us over & over in childhood (an emotional/ mental/ verbal /sexual abuse or neglect…), either a literal copy or representing an underlying negative message.

Discomfort can be separated into:
— the nigglies – ongoing ‘minor’ irritants which represent our lack of self-care, copying the way our parents neglected themselves & us
Biggies, the many ways we harm ourselves & let others harm us –  visible (to others, but not always to ourselves) in how we interact with people, events & situations (PPT).

a. The Nigglies
— annoyances we tend to ignore, usually short-term & could easily be gum on heeldealt with, but which chip away at us if we don’t, either physically or emotionally
• don’t use bathroom when needed
• live with bad shoes, small aches (bad chair), “wrong’ clothes/ not warm enough …
• live or work in unclean & ugly environments
• make jokes about something serious
• ignore household chores, so they pile up
• ruminate about someone ‘ignoring or dissing us
• stay on the phoneg-negne too long
• not leave somewhere when you want to
• always do things the hardest way
• let things slide & then obsess about them
• live in your mind rather than take actions
• not mend torn clothes, live with broken things at home
• be impatient with ‘normal’ daily delays
• don’t write things down & then forget
• don’t take care of personal business, until too late
• don’t protect yourself from noises (loud or annoying)

b. The Biggies
— long-term, difficult to correct & weighs us down
• insist on self-hating thinking – esp. when we know better
• stay in abusive, dangerous relationshipsscreen-shot-2017-01-12-at-1-24-34-pm
• all forms of addition (<—–see chart )
• be in the ‘wrong’ job/profession too long
• social anxiety from negative beliefs (SAS site)
• don’t get help when you really need it – or never
• don’t get medical attention for persistent ailments/ pain/ disabilities

• compulsive denial & suppression of emotions
• self-deprivation – of many needs & wants
• deliberately hurting other people/animals
• suicide attempts / neglecting any mental health issue
• ignore or dismiss successes, accomplishments
• sexual anorexia or promiscuity
self-harm chart• deny childhood trauma
• over-spending & debting, living in over-whelming clutter
• fear of intimacy, so pick unavailable or dangerous friends & partners
• compulsive isolation, thereby ‘starving’ oneself of positive experiences
• self-defeating actions when trying to get disallowed needs met
• sabotage possible good relationships / jobs / gifts / opportunities….
• habitual procrastinationpre-cursers
• poor eating & sleep patterns
• self-injury   (Chart) ↘
↗ (Chart)

More SITES:
13 Things All Self-Destructive People Need To Stop Doing
How to STOP S-d behaviors
How to Overcome Self Destructive Behavior

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