ACoAs: DIS-comfort & Comfort (Part 4)

happy w/ myselfI‘VE WORKED A LONG TIME
to have peace of mind

PREVIOUS: Dis-comfort & Comfort #3b

SITE:  Start being comfortable in your own skin
“Being Comfortable in your own skin”  (Women)

QUOTES: A man (or woman) cannot be comfortable without his own approval. ~ Mark Twain“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside can do you no harm.” – old African proverb
“If we are happy within ourselves, we don’t accept or demand that our partner should fulfill every need. We need to be comfortable with our own company.”
~ Nathaniel Branden

1. Positive Dis-comfort (Part 3a & b)
2. POSITIVE Comfort
Dictionary DEF:  “Producing or affording physical comfort, support, or ease // In a state of physical or mental ease; contented, undisturbed

ACTIONS: “Do what’s comfortable” does not mean being complacent, being stuck, lazy, backsliding into old ways, giving up hope, settling or not continuing to grow & expand horizons.

BE-ING : Ultimately, true Comfort is an inside job. It comes fromBE-ing bear developing a deep sense of worth (not arrogance) & faith in a Higher Power. It allows us to enjoy the good things about ourselves & the world. And when difficulties, stressors or pain come our way, we can allow ourselves to have a variety of intense emotions (Es), but our thinking (T) stays realistic & sound.

INNER COMFORT is the result of self-compassion, expressed very day, in large & small ways. It is not self-pity, self-indulgence or self-esteem – the latter often based on being special, standing out from the crowd, social position, visible accomplishments & income
— It is being kind to yourself equally whether you you’re doing well or not, by accepting your humanness no matter how messy or complicated.
SITEs: Cultivating Self-compassion
Exercises & Meditations for Self-compassion  pos-pos

Expressions of Inner Comfort develop from knowing who you are, what your specific needs,  likes & dislikes are – & then providing them for yourself:
** Function mainly from my Authentic Self, using my UNIT (healthy adult/loving parent) to take care of myself
• “I know what I know” & I don’t have to know everything to be safe!
• most of the time have no S-H (self-hate)
• like where I live, inside & out
• have the job/career that suits me

• can stand up for my rights without being pushy of starting fights
• mainly have relationships w/ people who at the very least respect me, & who are kind – most of the time. And at the most those people who love me, enjoy my company & suit my personality
• find ways to have fun & enjoy myselfbe in control
• have a sense of humor about almost everything
• Have little or no desire to fix, rescue or take care of, & without guilt, since my anxiety level has gone down to a whisper
**Knowing what I have & don’t have control over.
See the Serenity Prayer
“50 Things You Can Control Right Now”
Say YES to any good thing that comes my way!

INNER COMFORT is protected & maintained by healthy attitudes & actions. The goal is to live well, to the best of our ability ODAT (one-day-at-a-time) – never to seek perfection, since it does not exist.  It is liberating, allowing many other wonderful opportunities & relationships to occur. ———- REVIEW:
— Understand what makes you come alive – respect it, protect it. Create a life you love living.  Hone your intuition.
— Love who you are! With each year – celebrate, don’t hate.
— Find a career / a life/ a passion you fall madly in love with

— Step away from your childhood (home, friends, town) & explore the world.
— Never speak negatively about yourself to others. Stop apologizing. Recognize the harm of being your own worst critic and find a healthy balance
— Become comfortable with your own company without using technology as a crutch. Become comfortable with silence.
— Accept imperfections, yours & others’, while striving for excellence. Maintain an air of mystery
— Admit all needs. Embrace your unique qualities
— Make laughter a bigger part of your life.
<—–CHART:  Self-awareness exercises explained

— Set goals to strive toward.  Create a life schedule that includes time for hard work and productivity, as well as regularly pampering & self-rejuvenation
— Give of your talents & time comfortably, not for recognition or praise, but because you have something to contribute
— Stop trying to fix everything especially the impossible

— Stop tolerating! Stop trying to impress others
— Tactfully walk away from people who will never understand social skills=older
— Realize that relationship status doesn’t determine one’s contentment, rather a content person determines their own contentment
— Spend time with people who make you feel good
BOOK: Enhancing Social Skills in Older Adults, 

— Think of yourself as a beautiful person. Honor your strengths.
— Think positively. Speak with confidence. Express your creativity
— Become an insatiable sponge for knowledge. Dream big & out loud
— See each day is an opportunity to grow & evolve. Keep a gratitude journal
— Take time out to reflect, process & feel. Pray, meditate, read Scripture

— Treat your body with respect & take care of physical needs. “Like your body” (women) . Exercise, walk, dance…..
— Learn the art of dressing your body and for your life. Look confident to feel confident   ( Modified from Be C. in your Skin and Comfortable Woman)

Mental Exercise as reminder & re-enforcement:visualize
Give yourself 5 minutes of loving kindness every day. You’ll feel an inner softness develop as you keeping practicing. Place your hands over your heart & say :
“May I be safe / May I be happy / May I be healthy /May I live with ease”

Say it 4x in a soft & gentle tone, aloud or silently. Then gently direct your attention to any part of you that feels disconnected & say 4x each: “May that part be filled with loving kindness” & “May my whole body be filled with loving kindness”. End by repeating:
“May I be safe, May I be happy, May I be healthy, May I live with ease.”  (MORE….)



2 thoughts on “ACoAs: DIS-comfort & Comfort (Part 4)

  1. I’m continuing to enjoy and value these blogs. I realize I can overdo trying to fix or rescue people. However, sometimes there is a genuine desire to be of assistance. I’m at the age where my life increasingly will revolve around caring for elderly parents. Sometimes I feel unsure about when to help and when not to help. I’m aware that I can easily go into resentment mode if I am not careful. At the moment, I am setting time limits on myself as to what I do, as well as making sure that I have time to pursue my own interests. There is also in me a greater ability to be truthful. As a person with an enneagram six pattern, I guess my journey is to learn to trust my own inner knowing and to listen to the signals my body sends as to what is best to do in each situation that I encounter.

  2. Thank you for reading. We need both our Inner Voice & the correct info. The ‘Healthy Helping’ lays out some basic rules. Keep up the good work.

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