I‘VE WORKED A LONG TIME
to have peace of mind
PREVIOUS: Dis-comfort & Comfort #3b
QUOTES: A man (or woman) cannot be comfortable without his own approval. ~ Mark Twain“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside can do you no harm.” – old African proverb
“If we are happy within ourselves, we don’t accept or demand that our partner should fulfill every need. We need to be comfortable with our own company.”
~ Nathaniel Branden
1. Positive Dis-comfort (Part 3a & b)
2. POSITIVE Comfort
Dictionary DEF: “Producing or affording physical comfort, support, or ease // In a state of physical or mental ease; contented, undisturbed
ACTIONS: “Do what’s comfortable” does not mean being complacent, being stuck, lazy, backsliding into old ways, giving up hope, settling or not continuing to grow & expand horizons.
BE-ING : Ultimately, true Comfort is an inside job. It comes from developing a deep sense of worth (not arrogance) & faith in a Higher Power. It allows us to enjoy the good things about ourselves & the world. And when difficulties, stressors or pain come our way, we can allow ourselves to have a variety of intense emotions (Es), but our thinking (T) stays realistic & sound.
INNER COMFORT is the result of self-compassion, expressed very day, in large & small ways. It is not self-pity, self-indulgence or self-esteem – the latter often based on being special, standing out from the crowd, social position, visible accomplishments & income
— It is being kind to yourself equally whether you you’re doing well or not, by accepting your humanness no matter how messy or complicated.
SITEs: Cultivating Self-compassion
Exercises & Meditations for Self-compassion
Expressions of Inner Comfort develop from knowing who you are, what your specific needs, likes & dislikes are – & then providing them for yourself:
** Function mainly from my Authentic Self, using my UNIT (healthy adult/loving parent) to take care of myself
• “I know what I know” & I don’t have to know everything to be safe!
• most of the time have no S-H (self-hate)
• like where I live, inside & out
• have the job/career that suits me
• can stand up for my rights without being pushy of starting fights
• mainly have relationships w/ people who at the very least respect me, & who are kind – most of the time. And at the most those people who love me, enjoy my company & suit my personality
• find ways to have fun & enjoy myself
• have a sense of humor about almost everything
• Have little or no desire to fix, rescue or take care of, & without guilt, since my anxiety level has gone down to a whisper
**Knowing what I have & don’t have control over.
See the Serenity Prayer
“50 Things You Can Control Right Now”
• Say YES to any good thing that comes my way!
INNER COMFORT is protected & maintained by healthy attitudes & actions. The goal is to live well, to the best of our ability ODAT (one-day-at-a-time) – never to seek perfection, since it does not exist. It is liberating, allowing many other wonderful opportunities & relationships to occur. ———- REVIEW:
— Understand what makes you come alive – respect it, protect it. Create a life you love living. Hone your intuition.
— Love who you are! With each year – celebrate, don’t hate.
— Find a career / a life/ a passion you fall madly in love with
— Step away from your childhood (home, friends, town) & explore the world.
— Never speak negatively about yourself to others. Stop apologizing. Recognize the harm of being your own worst critic and find a healthy balance
— Become comfortable with your own company without using technology as a crutch. Become comfortable with silence.
— Accept imperfections, yours & others’, while striving for excellence. Maintain an air of mystery
— Admit all needs. Embrace your unique qualities
— Make laughter a bigger part of your life.
<—–CHART: Self-awareness exercises explained
— Set goals to strive toward. Create a life schedule that includes time for hard work and productivity, as well as regularly pampering & self-rejuvenation
— Give of your talents & time comfortably, not for recognition or praise, but because you have something to contribute
— Stop trying to fix everything especially the impossible
— Stop tolerating! Stop trying to impress others
— Tactfully walk away from people who will never understand
— Realize that relationship status doesn’t determine one’s contentment, rather a content person determines their own contentment
— Spend time with people who make you feel good
BOOK: Enhancing Social Skills in Older Adults,
— Think of yourself as a beautiful person. Honor your strengths.
— Think positively. Speak with confidence. Express your creativity
— Become an insatiable sponge for knowledge. Dream big & out loud
— See each day is an opportunity to grow & evolve. Keep a gratitude journal
— Take time out to reflect, process & feel. Pray, meditate, read Scripture
— Treat your body with respect & take care of physical needs. “Like your body” (women) . Exercise, walk, dance…..
— Learn the art of dressing your body and for your life. Look confident to feel confident ( Modified from: Be C. in your Skin and Comfortable Woman)
Mental Exercise as reminder & re-enforcement:
Give yourself 5 minutes of loving kindness every day. You’ll feel an inner softness develop as you keeping practicing. Place your hands over your heart & say :
“May I be safe / May I be happy / May I be healthy /May I live with ease”
Say it 4x in a soft & gentle tone, aloud or silently. Then gently direct your attention to any part of you that feels disconnected & say 4x each: “May that part be filled with loving kindness” & “May my whole body be filled with loving kindness”. End by repeating:
“May I be safe, May I be happy, May I be healthy, May I live with ease.” (MORE….)