PREVIOUS: Forgiving our Adult #6b
See ACRONYM page for abbrev.
RECOVERY from “Too Nice Syndrome” (TNS) cont.
Tool 5c. FORGIVING Ourselves – as ADULTS – is to:
1. LET GO of old patterns (As), harsh judgements & pointless comparisons (Ts)
————- See “Letting go means….“, and to:
2. GIVE UP torturing ourselves for all the ways we’ve messed up (T.E.As)
• Use these 18 steps to process any Ts, Es or As you feel guilty about, as a way to take responsibility
• Write down what you’ve learned from all the tools (1-5) you’ve been using & any actions you’ve taken to repair or make amends. Let this sink in. Appreciate yourself.
• Decide what if anything remains to be done – inside your own heart or out in the world – and then do it. Let it sink in that you’re doing it, & appreciate yourself for this, too.
• Consciously continue forgiving yourself when needed:
“I forgive myself today for ______ , knowing that even with self-defeating T.E.A.s I am a good person with the RIGHT to be valued & loved. I take responsibility for my life (but not for other adults) & do what I could to make things better.”
PRACTICE Self-Forgiveness. Give yourself the empathy you always craved as a child. (“Is self-love selfish?” 10 good Answers)
Every morning look in the mirror & say to yourself:
❤️ I love you. I am grateful for another day
❤️ I am accountable for my decisions & actions today
❤️ I forgive me for anything that was not forgiven last night
❤️ I love you. Have a great day!
And each evening, look & say:
💜 I love you. I am sorry for anything left undone today
💜 I am sorry for any fearful decisions & actions today
💜 I forgive myself, & am grateful for total forgiveness
💜 I accept & enjoy ALL my blessings. I love you. Sleep well. (MORE…..)
NOTE: Compassion is wired in from birth, and is good for us & for humanity. (But as ACoAs we know it can be cruelly suppressed by family & community!)
Putting time & caring into each activity will reinforce your determination to outgrow co-dep & re-connect with your Natural Compassion. REPEAT often!
• Write a letter to your WIC listing all the things you’re ‘let go‘ of on his/her behalf
• Build a visual bridge – from here to where you want to be
• Write a 3rd person story or poem as the narrator, about how the main character (you) has / can / will free themselves of guilt & shame
• Create a tangible expression of old painful experiences & your fondest wishes:
– sand tray art, and adult many topic ideas
– a collage, drawings or junk sculptures (Google images) to express emotions
• Make a memory bracelet or necklace with a colored bead or charm for every time you have already forgiven yourself, & add one when you do so from now on (w/ memory wire)
• Do something physical you enjoy – to release anger & hurt (run, bike, dance, t’ai chi, yoga, swim…..)
• Use Trauma Release work on unfinished business:
= Several methods – scroll down // About the Pain Body // Tension & Trauma Releasing Exercises // Dealing with Recent or Childhood Trauma
► The benefits of letting go & acceptance are worth the great struggle of having to outgrow our damage – by releasing the rage at ourselves & our abusers.