Alcoholism – Personality TRAITS (#3b)


PREVIOUS: Personality TRAITS (#2a)

SITE: “Personality and Alcoholism: Establishing the Link” ~ Stanton Peele (author of “Love & Addiction” highly recommended)

PERSONALITY TRAITS  (cont.)

🏴 REMINDER: NO ONE has ALL these characteristics!
Pick out several that fit your ‘favorite’ addict (or yourself ??), the ones that really stand out, that are over-blown, that keep getting in the way of a success, happy life.

2. PSYCHOLOGICAL defences
Underlying the addiction are what 12-Step programs call ‘character defects’, which contribute to the desire to escape.
ACTIONS
Blackmail. Use threats of emotional withdrawal of love, affection, sex, approval, acceptance….to get the other person to do something they don’t want to
Bully. Demand others be or do what the addict wants, & won’t take no for an answer. Push, push push

Chase. Run after someone not immediately available, or not interested in them (short of stalking). Impatient, can’t wait for things to unfold naturally, insist on getting attention
Come-here-go-away. Crazy-making, drawing someone toward themselves & them pushing them away (sabotaging….) when the other gets ‘too close’

Impulsive. Often acts before really thinking through consequences
Irresponsible. Undependable, rarely /never follows thru, arbitrarily changes plans, regularly breaks promises …

VERBAL
Argumentative. Always looking to start a verbal tussle, & even when they actually agree with the other’s point of view, feels the need to fight against it

Cognitive distorted. Have many unrealistic or completely erroneous beliefs. Includes ‘all-or-nothing’, ‘black-or-white; thinking…..
Combative. Always feels disrespected (bumped in the subway, not being greeted….) as an excuse to be angry, or pick a fight

Compulsive Liar. Lie when not necessary – lost conscious contact with The Truth
Complain. Highly critical of others & Self, often their own worst enemy. Whiny.
Cynical. Bitter, overall very negative assessment of people & life

Double-messaging. Cause great confusion or paralysis in others by giving opposing info, as if they were both true, (love you / hate you) OR demand that 2 incompatible rules both be obeyed

PSYCHOLOGICAL
Boundary-less. Don’t how wen/where to set limits, with self or others
Chameleon. Easily change attitude & actions to match people & their environment, blend right in, but not ‘real Self’

Dependent. Needy. Expecting others to do for them what they can, but won’t do for themselves
• Fake. What they feel inside is not what they show on the outside
Idealizing. Unwilling to see others for who they really are, making them better than what’s real, & better than themselves

Low Frustration tolerance. Easily upset & knocked off
 balance
Narcissistic. Everything is about the addict, only their point of view & needs are valid

Passive. Unwilling to exert themself, have an opinion, participate….
Perfectionist. Their’s is the only ‘Right Way’. If something isn’t perfect it’s worthless – causing procrastination & paralysis

• Separate. Never feels part of or belonging anywhere – even in ‘similar’ groups. ‘Different, not like the rest’
Superiority complex. The attitude / belief (not emotion) of seeing oneself as better than others

Victim. Suicidal thoughts / feelings (NOT because of severe physical pain, debility or actually being trapped). Instead:
– Rage: wanting to punish everyone who’s ever hurt or abandoned them (“I’ll show you!”)
– Unwilling to dig deep into their emotional pain, for healing

SOCIAL
Arrogant. Condescending, sometimes or always ‘full of it’
Demanding. “I want what I want – NOW!”
Defiant. Don’t want to be told what to do, do opposite of what someone needs, wants or asks for – just to be ‘difficult’ but not from actual disagreement

• Isolated. Socially withdrawn, even when with others, not really connected. Can’t be reached, but complains that no-one understands
People-pleaser. Overly agreeable, to keep the focus off themselves & get people to like them

Sadistic (‘perpetrator’). Gets pleasure from hurting people, or secretly seeing them be hurt (physically, financially, socially….). Also harm animals & children
• Socially awkward. Feel like they don’t know what to do or say

Thrill junkie.  Deliberately goes for risky behavior, stuck in self-destructive mode
• Thwarts Authority. Rebels against ‘status quo’

SPIRITUAL
Lost / Tortured Soul – wandering in the ‘land of the living dead’
 Unearthly. Truly believes that an ideal world possible,& that it ‘should be’. See everyone as one united family. However, often feels disillusioned & disheartened when the world fails to live up to their Utopian ideals.

NEXT: Alcoholism – Physical

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