Blog ADDITIONS

Contact Donna:
acoarecovery@yahoo.com

FREE INTRO Session

 


1. NEW PAGE

So far, there are close to 100 topics, & almost 900 posts.

To make finding a subject a little easier, I’ve listed them all alphabetically with year & month – in a chart in TOPICS, found at the top of the Home page.
Once you’ve found the topic you’re interested in, go back to the MENU, click on the appropriate year & scroll to the month.

💻

2. New INVENTORY Form (by DMT)
This is part of the post “What to do when Confused – #5” , July 2016
Venn Diagram chart
PURPOSE:
to get an overview of where you stand on any aspect of your life right now
USE:
You can make the chart into a collage, use the computer or just free-hand it on a large sheet of paper

The biggest circle (Spirituality) is the background to our whole life.

EACH person’s Diagram will look different.
If you’re ambitious or curious, you can make one for where you were 10 or 20 yrs ago, as a comparison.

• Think about all the areas of your life that will go on the chart, & decide their relative importance to you at present. Change or add any not listed.
Draw / cut the size circle for each topic as it relates to their current importance

• Play with the positions of circles…. change them around until the chart feels right. Place them close to, overlapping or far away from each other, depending on how they connect in real life

• Label circles, & draw lines to form pie wedges in each one.
— You decide how many lines (slices) based on how many problems & victories for each – you’ll probably have to guess-timate

IMP
: each slice represents an issue related to the circle’s topic
EXP: re. $$$ – keeping track of spending, get an IRA, have separate accounts, update checkbook, curb compulsive spending, pay old debts……

a. Filled in slices are any aspect of that topic you’re confident you have a good handle on (never perfectly)
EXP:
No longer use drugs & alcohol

b. Zig-zag (or cross hatch) slices are aspects you’re still working on but making progress. The degree of progress in one may be different than in another slice. Make zig-zag density accordingly
EXP: Get to places on time more often

AND THEN: Most likely there will always be one or more empty slices – representing:
c. Grey – things about a topic you know need correcting / to change, but are not ready or willing to tackle

d. Blank – problems & challenges about each topic you simply don’t know you need to work on – yet

Happy hunting! (for 💛 self-awareness & 💚 healing)

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INTROVERTS – True or False (Part 3)

PREVIOUS: Myths #1

SITES: 10 Extra-income ideas for Is (like single moms)

Why Is beat Es in the corporate world

Diff between Introversion & Social Anxiety (good reminder)

Es = Extroverts // Is = Introverts

PREJUDICES & Corrections (cont.)

💼 BUSINESS / WORK
FALSE: They don’t like working in groups
TRUTH:
Introverts often do their best work alone, but excel in small group situations, & enjoy working that way as long as their opinion is valued

FALSE: They’re rude
TRUTH: Is
tend to be more direct (even blunt), & can show a bit of boredom or impatience, because they can’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. But their intention in not rudeness. Small talk feels like a waste of time. They want everyone to be real & honest, preferring intimate, meaningful conversations. But when it’s important, they’re willing to add a little ‘sugar’ to make things work

FALSE: They’re under-achievers
TRUTH :  Achievement is not related to personality type. Because our culture has such an affinity for the charismatic, extroverted personality, some people assume that Is are underachievers, especially compared to Es

This misconception may be because most Is don’t want or need to brag or blab about what they’ve done. In fact, there are millions of successful – even famous – introverted scientists, artists, physicians, writers & philosophers, but only well-know if promoted by Es 😊 (EXP: Stephen Wozniak, developer of world’s 1st personal computer)

FALSE: They don’t make good leaders (like Es)
TRUTH: While fewer Is are attracted to high-profile positions (less that 10%), one study tracking Leadership Effectiveness showed that Es & Is were equally successful overall, but each did better with different types of employees. Introverted leaders help their staff thrive by validating initiative & carefully listening to their suggestions, rather than hogging the limelight

FALSE: They’re plagued by public speaking anxiety
TRUTH: One study rating public speaking anxiety did show that Is who are prone to anxiety are more likely to anticipate being nervous onstage, based on how much they project the audience to be hostile, or worry about bombing.
“Speaking is not an act of extroversion,” notes Malcolm Gladwell, another I writer who spends plenty of time on stage. “It’s a performance, & many performers are hugely introverted.”

FALSE: They don’t make good public speakers
TRUTH: “At least half the people who speak for a living are Is,” said Kahnweiler in Quiet Influence. “They just prepare & practice really well, then draw from their strengths.” Such as Susan Cain, an excellent speaker, & author of Quiet: the Power of Introverts (TED talk)

FALSE: They’re not as good at networking (as Es)
TRUTH: While Es find schmoozing easier, have more FB friends & go on more interviews, it doesn’t automatically translate into more jobs.
EXP: Fortune’s best networker was an Introverted computer engineer.
• Getting a job is about building rapport with a potential employer, which Is are better at, since they aren’t trying to be one-up. Many Is are quite sociable, starting conversations with random people at parties, but are easily overwhelmed by bright lights & loud noises (like at rock concerts). SEE: ‘Networking for Introverts‘

FALSE: They’re not as good salespeople (as Es)
TRUTH: Like in any other business, some Is will be very effective & others a complete failure. The key is in the specific type of sales position, & the I’s other characteristics, such as communication & thinking style, empathy level, need for acceptance, perseverance, persuasiveness, prospecting ability, response to others…..
See: “An Introvert in Sales?”

NEXT: Resilience #1

INTROVERTS – True or False (Part 2)

 

 

PREVIOUS: Myths #1

SITECaring for Your Introvert 
• Cartoons (re. Is) tell the story

 

 

 

PREJUDICES & Corrections (cont.)

😺 EMOTIONAL
FALSE: They’re not emotional
TRUTH : The opposite is true – Introverts tend to have very deep feelings, but keep then inside, preferring to control their emotions around others, & in fact are much more even-keeled than Es, even under stress. In conversation, they may not show feelings with facial expressions or gestures, but it doesn’t mean they’re not interested – they usually are

FALSE: They have low self-esteem
TRUTH : Both Es & Is can have S-H, which is be expressed in different ways, but being internally oriented does not indicate lack of self-confidence

FALSE: They’re shy
TRUTH: Shyness is about being afraid of people, which has nothing to do with Introversion. Is need a reason to interact – not just for the sake of being ‘social’. If you want to talk to an Introvert, it’s up to you to get it started, without being impolite or pushy (Article)

FALSE: They’re isolators
TRUTH: Just as Is are not inherently shy (fear-based), they’re not isolators by ‘nature’, which also comes from fear, lack of boundaries & poor self-esteem. It’s just that they’re perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts, working out problems or solving puzzles. But they do crave someone to share their ideas & discoveries with, one person at a time who is authentic, intelligent & sincere

FALSE: Introverts aren’t happy (or – Es are happier)
TRUTH: Is & Es are happy in different ways. Is prefer low-arousal good feelings & like to be peaceful & relaxed. Es are happier with exciting activities & people

👥 SOCIAL
FALSE: They’re uptight party-poopers & can’t have fun (relax)
TRUTH: Because Es & Is have different dominant neuro-pathways, Is are not thrill seekers & adrenaline junkies. Their brains are too sensitive to Dopamine, which is generated by lots of activity.
Interesting: A 2006 Japanese study found Is to have lower blood pressure

• They just tailor their fun to suit their unique needs – like book clubs, blogging, designing web-comics, listening to frogs in a pond, quilting, throwing pottery, watching sports on tv….. They typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places, & will shut down if there’s too much talking or other noise.

FALSE: They don’t like to go out in public
TRUTH: Is don’t want to be around a lot of hubbub for too long. Turning down social invitations they know will drain them is simply a way to take care of themselves – not weird or insulting.
When they are out, they don’t need to be somewhere for long to “get it,” since they take in experiences & info quickly. They may well have enjoyed the time somewhere, but if they always leave events early, it’s because they’re tank is full. They’re ready to go home, recharge & process it all

FALSE: They don’t like (hate) people & have no friends

TRUTH: Is are thoughtful & occasionally skeptical people, valuing calmness & intelligence. They don’t hate people, only too much hoopla (unlike the robot in “Short Circuit”, begging for “More Input, more input…!”).

• They don’t want to be alone. They may struggle to form friendships because they’re selective, looking for people who’ll make valuable long-term companions.
While they may only have a few friends, they value them greatly. If you’re lucky enough to be one of those few, you probably have a loyal ally for life. If you’ve earned their respect for being a person of substance, be complimented

NEXT: Introvert  T or F (#3)

INTROVERTS – True or False (Part 1)

PREVIOUS: Introvert Intro #2

SITEs: “How to piss off an Introvert” (a List)

Revenge of the Introverts (scroll down)

Es = Extroverts // Is = Introverts

PREJUDICES & Corrections

😱  GENERAL
FALSE: You are either an introvert or an extrovert
TRUTH: Introversion & extroversion is on a continuum, & complex. While some people land more at one extreme or the other, most people have some of both tendencies, quiet in some situations & loud in others, alternating between grabbing the spotlight & standing in the wings….. Some studies indicate Is are up to 50% of the U.S. population, while others say that Es dominate western cultures. Ours definitely favors E behavior, considering it ‘better’ for success. Not true – since both Types shine in many of the same areas of life, but with a different emphasis on style & interactions

FALSE: They’re all weird
TRUTH: Introverts are often individualists, ‘following their own drummer’, valuing eccentricity, not making most decisions by what’s popular or trendy. They think for themselves, often challenging the norm, & prefer being valued for their uniqueness

FALSE: They’re stuck-up nerds

TRUTH: It’s not that they don’t notice what’s going on around them (most are actually very observant), it’s just that their inner world is much more interesting & rewarding to them. Without Is there would be few artists, doctors, filmmakers, musicians, mathematicians, poets, philosophers, scientists, writers…. They need to be acknowledges for their inborn temperament, & respected for their contributions to humanity 
SEE: “Top 10 Benefits Of Being An Introvert

FALSE: They’re sneaky & devious
TRUTH: Because they go off by themselves a lot & don’t share themselves willy-nilly, Es can be suspicious, assuming they’re hiding something. Instead, Is simply need alone-time to revitalize – not making plans to swindle, steal or take over the world (like in “Pinky & the Brain”)

FALSE: Introversion is ‘wrong’, so Is need to become extroverted

TRUTH: There’s nothing to fix, because they’re not broken! Since it’s the way one is born, no matter to what degree, it’s as ‘normal’ as one’s height, gender, nationality……

🤓 MENTAL
FALSE: They’re mentally inept, even stupid
TRUTH: As a group they’re intelligent & insightful. Anyone willing to observe & listen to them will find them a fountain of useful knowledge, with well-constructed thinking. Being quiet does not = stupidity, just like being loud doesn’t = intelligence One study (Silverman, 1986) suggests that people with higher IQ tend to be more introverted (along with curiosity, concentration, wide interests…..), but Introversion itself does not cause brainyness

FALSE: They are arrogant
TRUE: No more than some Es – arrogance is an equal-opportunity flaw. It’s normal for Is to be preoccupied with thinking & processing info internally, which can get them labeled as snobby, like they think they’re superior. Actually, Is are cool in the beginning with people they don’t know, waiting to see who they’re dealing with, but warm up if the other person is sincere

FALSE: They don’t like to talk
TRUTH: They’re more likely to be listen carefully, & to think before contributing.  If there are a lot of people around (mostly Es), Is can have a hard time getting a word in edgewise, so they’re quiet, but alert. They don’t see any point in voicing a well thought-out opinion if it will fall on deaf ears. But get an introvert started on something they’re interested in, & they won’t shut up for days. There are some Is who talk to everyone they run into, but they keep it light, saving depth for a few intimates.

NEXT: Introverts T or F #2

MBTI : INTROVERSION – Intro (Part 2)

PREVIOUS: Intro #1

SITEs: Seeking Pleasure & Avoiding Pain
Sensitivity to Reward and Punishment

 INTROVERTS (Is):
• Are deliberate, independent, & tend to keep emotions private
• Are seen as reserved but ‘centered’, which seems to have a calming effect on those around them (even if they’re boiling inside)

• Focused on inner mental activity. Tend to be self-aware, interested in self-knowledge & self-understanding
• Enjoy understanding details, learn well through observation

• Can spend too much time reflecting, & not taking enough action, or not acting quickly enough when needed
•  They sometimes forget to check with the outside world to see if their ideas really fit their internal experience or with reality (more on Es vs Is chart)

REWARD vs PUNISHMENT
The 2 halves of the brain control opposite psychological functions.
😀 The LEFT frontal hemisphere is more active when we experience pleasant emotions (reward approach = BAS)
☹️ The RIGHT frontal is more activated by unpleasant emotions (punishment withdrawal = BIS).
Also, anticipation of both reward & punishment is associated with the orbito-frontal cortex (BAS and BIS).

BAS: The Behavioral Activation System is a positive feedback device, based in the interactions between a dorsal & a ventral brain subsystem (see E & I brains #2). BAS signals the end of punishment, & helps us recognize external PPT as potentially rewarding, which triggers a desire to move toward them. This system is associated with Extroversion.
A person with a very reactive BAS is especially sensitive to reward incentives (sex, money, prizes….), & their ability to stop their behavior decreases as they approach a goal – making them progressively more impulsive.

Note: People with weaker urges & desires (low BAS) tend to be more Introverted, while those with strong urges & desires (high BAS activity) are usually more Extroverted.

BIS: In contrast, Introverts (Is) are strongly influenced by the brain’s Behavioral Inhibition System, causing them to be less externally active/reactive. It’s a negative feedback device (inhibiting, to stop behavior) generated by brain structures that are part of the septo-hippocampal system, which increases a person’s attention & sensitivity to environmental cues that indicate frustration (lack of reward), uncertainty (novelty) or punishment (various forms).

In immediate or potentially dangerous situations, the effect of BIS activation is to increase anxiety, which makes us quickly limit, avoid or stop any behavior that can cause us trouble. It also helps us use & remember current events as predictors of future events that are most likely to be unsafe.

How do we know Is correlate more with the BIS?
An MRI study of 30 ‘normal’ volunteers examined the possible connection between BIS reactions & the hippocampal structure. It showed that the larger the hippocampus the higher the scores were on the Sensitivity to Punishment scale, & this was found mainly on the brain’s Right side. (More….)

This is relevant because the longer acetylcholine pathway in the brain of Is includes the hippocampus, which is not part of the shorter Extrovert dopamine path. People with an over-worked Right fore-brain (intense BIS), are slower to act, & more susceptible to unpleasant emotions such as anxiety, fear & sadness. (see Post: “Growth for Is – #1″) (More….)

Note: When the BIS is activated too often & for too long (as in a traumatic childhood), it causes emotional & physical damage, such as depression, PTSD, exhaustion, chronic illnesses….
Interesting: Psychopaths have high BAS & low BIS quotients

• More CHARTS from Illustrations That Are All Too Real For Is
posted by Anna Borges on BuzzFeed (8/12/15)


QUESTIONNAIRE

NOTE – Since we are all some mixture of E & I, it’s possible to answer True to many of these Qs but actually be an E. That could be so – not only because of the mood you’re in when taking the test – but because of your age, profession, state of health…. So if you’re mainly an E – while you need regular periods of down time like Is – you’re still very comfortable mingling with lots of people, & enjoys busy, complex places.
☆ To identify as either E or I – look for your most consistent preferences over a lifetime.

 

ALSO: Extended QUESTIONNAIRE

NEXT:

MBTI : INTROVERSION – Intro (Part 1)

PREVIOUS: E/I Anatomy #2

SITE: MBTI historical info

BOOK: “Introvert Guide to Self-love” – by Luna & Sol


NOTE:
Introversion is NOT isolation.
Dr. Carl Jung identified it as an “attitude type” (inborn), observing that Introversion & Extroversion are both healthy variations in personality style. (See earlier posts)

DEF: Introverts (Is) are both energized & rested by drawing energy from their own thoughts & feelings, comfortable with solitary activities, & so place less emphasis on ‘people skills’ & talking. They perform well in analytical roles that require focus & logic.

Based on Jonathan Cheek’s research, there are 4 styles of Introversion:
• Social: Prefer to stay at home with quiet activities, or hang out with a few close friends instead of events with lots of strangers (NOT shyness)
• Thinking: Very introspective, thoughtful & self-reflective, highly creative, often daydreamers with a rich imagination. Occasionally don’t mind a busy social scene
• Reserved: Operate at a slower pace, think before acting, careful decision-makers & take time to start things

• Anxious: Not confident in social settings, often worried about what could go wrong (projecting). Painful shy around others, especially strangers or with new people. Nor does the anxiety always go away when they’re alone, because later they obsess about how they ‘failed’

EDITORIAL: Since Is are naturally wired a specific way, the last type may actually be one of the other 3, but wounded in childhood. Introversion does not by itself cause dysfunction!

Interesting: Researchers discovered that Introverted participants who acted like Es – when taking cognitive tests – had slower reaction times than Is who were being themselves. The effort & time they wasted trying to be something they’re not naturally wired for – was distracting & depleting. This especially applies to Is having to fake it for a long time. They can give themselves the freedom to be the way they’re ‘built’, even if the rest of the world keeps trying to mold them into Es.

Misleading: Many illustrations & cartoons portray Is as awkward, misfits, fearful & unfriendly – all signs of emotional damage. Es often judge Is as isolators, but that’s caused by FoA, S-H & lack of Bs, not Introversion.
In fact – it’s not unusual for Is to be gregarious, helpful, charming, warm & prodigious talkers. It’s just that they need more alone-time than Es to recover from all that expended energy
)👁 👁(
Using the O.C.E.A.N inventory, National Institute on Aging researchers Paul Costa & Robert McCrae expanded on the Big 5 characteristics, to include 6 facets within each dimension.
Introverts high on:
1. Activity Level – like to take it easy, are laid back & react slowly as situations develop
2. Assertiveness – let others lead the way, stay in the background & keep their opinions to themselves. Really don’t like to be pushy or demanding

3. Excitement – need peace & quiet, perfectly happy with daily routines. They make better roommates or neighbors since they prefer a steady, quiet lifestyle
4. Gregariousness – are friendly but do just fine by themselves, avoid crowds, preferring quiet activities such as reading or reviewing their day

5. Positive emotion – are usually content without show it outwardly. They’re not as likely to express strong emotions, but feel them deeply
6. Warmth – are hard to get to know at first, & can feel uncomfortable around people they don’t know well. They hold back in social situations, waiting to be approached, but may be the most interesting ones around

ACoAs
Most Introverts (Is) were not accepted by family, school & friends, the majority of whom are Es & think typical Is are weird or disobedient. But if only someone had understood their basic traits & been willing to accept & encourage them, it would have fostered self-esteem & made life much easier.

Now we can use this info helps us better understand & accept our mates, friends, bosses…., but especially ourselves, so we can treat our WIC with greater clarity & compassion. And anyone who has an internally oriented son or daughter can help them flourish, no matter what age

• CHARTS : Illustrations That Are All Too Real For Is
posted by Anna Borges on BuzzFeed (8/12/15)

 

 

NEXT:  Introverts = Intro #2

MBTI – Introvert vs Extrovert ANATOMY (Part 2)

 

PREVIOUS: E/I anatomy #1

SITE: “How to read body language…”

 

Es = Extroverts
Is = Introverts

👁 👁 3. EYES
Some studies suggest that eyes of Es are drawn to warmer colors, like red & orange (exciting), while eyes of Is go toward cooler ones like blue & green (quiet). It may be related to Es finding their energy in activities, people & things, while Is are more energized from within.

There are 2 primary iris types – Jewel & Flower, modified by 2 secondary patterns – either Stream or Shaker. (longer descriptions). Personality styles are different for each, modified by other factors such as birth order, physical environment …..
Iris structure indicates a fundamental genetic tendency, rather than what someone has developed or learned throughout life. (shorter)

JEWEL: Thinking-oriented, analytical type // FLOWER: Feeling-oriented type
STREAM: Kinesthetic type  // SHAKER: Extremist or movement-oriented type

Using the structural indicators of a person’s heritage – irises of Is & Es were compared by looking at the ring of expression, based on variations in fiber density encircling the pupil. This physical ring suggests how far out from their core a person is psychologically willing to extend themselves (E vs I style), & how easy it is for others to pick up on their energy field.

For Extroverts – the ring is quite a distance from the pupil, (arrows), easily noticeable, showing a greater outward-orientation.
It’s considered a physical expression of the basic underlying E personality:
The wider the eye’s central aperture, the easier & ‘wider’ Es may express themselves, since they’re more likely to extend themselves to whoever’s nearby

With Introverts, the ring of expression is so close to the pupil that it’s much harder to find – one has to get very close & really focus to see it at all. This is considered a reflection of the I style – the tendency to be invisible – a familiar but irritating & perplexing condition (to Es). It’s especially noticeable in withdrawn ‘extreme introverts’. (see last ¶ in Part 1)

👍🏽 👎🏽 4. HANDS
Using the ‘BIG 5’ Dimensions, research exploring hand prints identified 6 different sets of ‘vertical’ patterns for Es & Is, consistent in both male & female groups. (Holland, 1992)
Recent studies have added a 7th vertical hand factor related to these dermato-glyphic lines, making it possible to separate all Es from all Is who were studied. Detailed phantom pictures made for the hand help to identify underlying biological mechanisms. (⬇ CHART info) (Also See Google Images)

NOTE that these finding represent averages – interesting but not definitive. EXP:  Based on the charts, this female ENFJ has • the long middle finger AND the head-line crease not quite touching the life-line of introverts, BUT • the wider palm width of extroverts & the relatively straight unconnected heart-line of ambiverts                                                      

 

EXTROVERT hand indicators
Shape: • Shorter palm width, relative to breadth
• Hi mount of moon vs. mount of venus
Fingers: • short, relative to palm breadth
• Low 2D:4D digit ratio (thumb to ring finger)
Lines: • Sharply curved upward heart-line crease
• Heart-line crease connected to life-line

INTROVERT hand indicators are the reverse.

👄 5. LANGUAGE / Talking
People communicate differently because of the longer vs shorter brain-blood-pathway, which can lead to forming the wrong conclusions about each other, causing many misunderstandings
Es tend to engage by jumping into conversation, without enough reflection. Is are more likely to take the time to think, which can make them seem ‘slow’ or stuck-up

Es talk more abstractly, (“This article is interesting / Lets get some food”). Most are spontaneous, moving quickly thru their life, so are not as verbally accurate or detailed. People scoring higher in extroversion tended to use more words having to do with relationships

• Is are more concrete (“This article is very informative / Maybe we could go for dinner”). They tend to be more cautious (with words like: perhaps, maybe…), use more articles (the/a) – which refer to objects or events rather than people, & more quantifiable terms (#s, dates, times….)

Re. learning a second language, Es have the upper hand because they’re more willing to push whatever they know to the limit. Unlike Is, they take more risks in using what they learn – more willing to make conversation in the new language, in & out of the classroom.

NEXT: