Psychological DISORDERS (3c)

 

MY CHARACTER DEFECTS
are just twisted versions of the True me!

PREVIOUS: Disorders #3a

SITE:   What is High-functioning Anxiety?

 


2. NEUROSES  – 
From a DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE (cont.)

c. Transactional Analysis  – The IMPASSE
Def : 
A road or passage having no exit, as a cul-de-sac
A situation so difficult that no progress can be made. Deadlock/stalemate

In psychological terms, impasses are formed as Type 1, 2 & 3 developmental stages in childhood, during which script-decisions are made. Scripts – our unconscious plan for life /internal ‘story’ – are usually based on unmet needs & abuse. This causes inner conflicts between one’s Parent & Child ego states, & usually experienced by the child first as a personal failure – an internalized sense of inadequacy. Parents, wider family & society present, repeat & reinforce scripts – in some cases positive, but in most cases harmful. (See the Gouldings’ 12 script themes – similar to the ACoA Toxic Rules)
This shows the power & active participation of children in their own development.

As adults, we all carry a representation (model) of the world  & ourselves – where we belong, how we fit in, our work & how we do it, & where we’re headed. If the source of this model comes from a dysfunctional family, it will always fall short of dynamic, ever-changing reality – limiting our S & I growth.
An impasse (being stuck in some area of life) indicates a need for change in order to move forward. The different intensities of psychological disorders represent various stages & intensities of impasse. (MORE...)

CHART: 3 development stages of conflicts between inner Parent (P) & Child (C)
3rd degree impasse (Po-Co: Birth to 6 months, pre-verbal, even pre-natal)
These earliest conflicts are produced by the type of connection between mother & child, depending on how they relate day after day. They will be around the issue of survival, between: abandonment & engulfment, destroying or being destroyed, worth & worthlessness….

EXPIf the mother has an unhealed WIC – stuck in her own impasse – her wounds get communicated to the baby, day after day. If she is insensitive, controlling or brutal – the effect on the baby is predictable.
However – much more difficult to identify later on –  if h
er grown up Adult & Parent parts are used to activate, even improve her parenting style, without Recovery her behavior won’t have any affect on her little C1 ego state. No matter how she tries to cover it up, her deepest damage will unconsciously keep re-traumatizing the baby. 

A depressed or angry mother can ‘responsibly’ feed & look after her baby son every day, but he knows / senses his mother is emotionally bereft. He intuits (or is told) that he needs to take care of her – all focus must be on her instead of his own feelings & needs – OR ELSE she may somehow leave (die). So he feels unworthy to be taken care of & worthless for not being able to help her, which causes intense anxiety. So he slowly develops defensive patterns like people-pleasing / isolation / addictions…., which form his False Self.

As an adult, this earliest impasse continues as deep-seated conflicts in PMES forms such as muscle tension, psychosomatic complaints, immune disorders…. & expressed verbally in symbolic images, such as “I feel as if I’m in a fog, lost, cold & alone, there’s a wall up between me & everyone else” …. 

 2 degree impasse (P1-C1:  6 mths – 6 yrs)
Made up of Injunctions (authoritative orders) carried by feelings /emotions. They become internalized, often through non-verbal comman
ds, at a time when the child has only a basic grasp of language. Script-decisions made are around basic theme about the child’s identity, such as: “Who am I? // Am I important? // Don’t grow up // Don’t feel”….. Later on, it’s much harder to remember how these issues developed, so the person usually doesn’t know they’re stuck back there

 1 degree impasse (P2-C2 : 6+ yrs old, when they can understand language)
The struggle here is between what the child should & should not do, what behaviors are socially acceptable or not. Internalized verbal
instructions (counter-injunctions) will be things like: “Please others // Always try hard // Be a good boy or good girl // Never get angry”….. These are more accessible to awareness, so later on it’s easier to remember who gave them & in what form.

BREAKING the Impasse – options
When the Bad Parent is so strong that it keeps the messages in place, the person gives in & continues to live by the original ‘rules’, keeping the Healthy Child bound. HOWEVER – 
a. When the person’s Wounded Child refuses to go along with its Bad Parent’s messages & is finally allowed to get angry, it liberates the Healthy / Free Child
b. The Bad Parent’s injunctions are agreed with, but the Healthy Child’s needs are ‘redefined’, often in humorous terms. Then both sides win.
EXP = Parent voice: “You’re crazy”
Child: “I may be crazy, but I’m never boring!”:)

NEXT: Disorders #4a

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Psychological DISORDERS (Part 3b)

I’M ALWAYS ANXIOUS
when I  have to travel

PREVIOUS: Disorders #3a

BOOK:Neurosis & Treatment: A Holistic Theory. – A. Angyal

 

2. NEUROSES (cont.)

Neurotic Disorders
Agoraphobia w/ panic – perceiving some environment to be unsafe with no easy or possible escape, needing to stay hidden indoor
 • Conversion (hysteria) – neurological symptoms (numbness, blindness, paralysis, fits) without a well-established organic cause, causing significant distress, traced back to a psychological trigger
Depersonalization – feeling disconnected or estranged from one’s Self – of being an outside observer of ones thoughts or actions

Dissociative (DDNOS) – chronic & recurrent identity disturbance due to prolonged & intense coercive persuasion (brainwashing) – disrupting normal functions of consciousness, memory or perception of the environment
Generalized anxiety (GAD) – the “worry cycle”, being concerned about getting through the day, but with no apparent or current problem

Hypochondriasis – excessively worried about having a serious illness, despite the absence of any actual medical diagnosis
Neurasthenia (from stress &/or isolation) – a mechanical weakness of the nerves, with symptoms of anxiety, depressed mood, fatigue, headache, heart palpitations, high blood pressure & neuralgia
Neurotic Depression – same mental & physical problems as depression, with less severe but longer-lasting symptoms

Obsessive-compulsive – the need to repeatedly check things, perform certain routines (“rituals”), or recurring thoughts, which control behavior
Phobic state – an  irrational fear of a place or situation that makes one feel powerless & not in control
Panic (without agoraphobia) – sudden periods of intense fear that may include palpitations, sweating, shaking, shortness of breath, numbness, or a feeling that something really bad is going to happen

• Post-Traumatic – caused by experiencing a single or prolonged traumatic events, & includes physical flashbacks, nightmares, & intrusive memories
Social anxiety – significant amount of fear in one or more social situations, causing considerable distress & impaired ability to function in at least some parts of daily life
Somatization – multiple recurring clinically significant physical complaints representing emotional pain

A Different Perspective (non-traditional, non-medical)
a.  Students of the Enneagram start with each Type’s distortion or flaw, seen as a positive characteristic which has been bent away from True Center – because of wounding experiences. This is similar to the ancient Greek notion of sin or fault as hamartia = ‘missing the mark’. If you aim at a target with a bent gun barrel or crooked arrow, you’ll miss the target.

Starting in childhood, when we need the most nurturing & encouragement, our vulnerability turns our innate strengths into weaknesses ONLY —
— IF our values are attacked, discounted, made fun of or in any way violated, so we feel threatened & scared
— IF our strengths are challenged, distrusted, dismissed or questioned, so we can become anxious, guilty, ashamed & angry

Inner Child work is about uncovering & healing the wounds / vulnerabilities created when growing up. It’s discovering where our WIC is hiding, how & where it hides, & from what, and what it really needs. By knowing our specific sensitivities, our EnneaType can be used as a guide to growth. (MORE….)
FLAW                                                    GIFT
#1 – Criticism /Resentment              ==  Serene / Good
#2 – Pride / Flattery                          == Humble / Loving
#3 – Deceit / Vanity                           == Authentic / Effective
#4 – Envy / Moody                            == Emotionally balanced / Original
#5 – Avarice / Stingy                         ==  Unattached / Wise
#6 – Fear / Cowardice                      == Courageous /Loyal
#7 – Gluttony / Avoidance               == Sober / Joyful
#8 – Lust  / Vengeance                     == Subtle / Protective
#9 – Sloth  / Withdrawal                  == Engaged / Peaceful

(MORE ….  ➕ what each EnneaType really wants)

BOOK: “The Positive Enneagram“, Susan Rhodes

b. SIMILARLY – Andras Angyal (1965), a neo-psychoanalytic therapist, wrote:  “The real traumatizing factors are those which prevent the person from expressing these basic tendencies. In the neurotic development there are always a number of unfortunate circumstances which instil in the child a self-derogatory feeling……”  (MORE – excellent)
However –
✳️ “The person’s essentially healthy features exist not beside but within the neurosis. Each neurotic manifestation is a distorted expression of an individually shaped healthy trend. (p.228).
The distortion must be clearly seen & acknowledged, but the healthy core will be found within the distortion itself. So, when a person learns that the neurosis is an exaggerated version of health, they can feel less shame, & be more hopeful.”
• In other words – trace the neurosis back to it’s original strength & focus on expressing that instead.

NEXT: Disorders #3c

Psychological DISORDERS (Part 2b)

BEING A HAPPY SENIOR
took a lot of effort!

PREVIOUS: Disorders #2a

SITE:  7  vitamin supplements that improve mental health

1. NORMAL (Healthy – cont.)

REVIEW: tools that improve Mental Health
• Value yourself     • Take care of your body (food, rest, exercise, sleep…)
• Learn how to deal with stress     • Quiet your mind  • Practice gratitude
• Surround yourself with good (healthy) people
• Set realistic goals   • Look for ways to change routines (travel, learn….)
• Express kindness to some else (but NOT at your one expense!)
• Practice saying NO!   • Get help when you need it!    (MORE ideas….)

NOTE: ACoAs can achieve a large portions of mental health by getting the right help & consistency using all the tools available to us, throughout our life!

DEFENSES
Our coping mechanisms develop organically in response to frustrating, difficult & painful situations / experiences. They function like a human firewall, a psychological immune system needed to defend against hurtful & abusive relationships, while hopefully allowing healthy / nurturing relationships to pass the protective walls. (Posts: Boundaries .… weak, rigid, healthy)

At their best:
Defenses are important to know about because they strongly influence how easily people can form & maintain healthy relationships, while being able to reject unhealthy relationships. Knowing when to be defensive & when not to be – is key for health.
We need them to keep us safe from people who mess with us, but also need to be able to relax & let the wall open up, to keep the capacity for innocence, availability & healthy connections. (Posts: Trust …. over. under, healthy)

At worst: Defenses are harmful & debilitating when they turn into psychological armor solidified into stone or iron, not allowing trust & spontaneous interactions with positive PPT (people, places, things) in our life.

 MATURE Defenses (Healthy)
Altruism = You derive true pleasure from helping other people—and if you couldn’t, you’d get depressed
Anticipation = When you know you’ll be faced with a challenging situation, you try to plan ahead so you won’t be overwhelmed
Distraction = When something upsetting may happen or has already happened, consciously deciding to put off distressing thoughts (which add anxiety) by temporarily focusing your attention on something less threatening

Humor (not humiliating, mean, sarcastic….) = You try to see the funny side of situations, even when they’re stressful or potentially upsetting
Identification (healthy version) = When in new or scary situation, you temporarily use characteristics of an admired/respected person you don’t automatically/naturally have (EXP from the Enneagram:  Picking up positive characteristics of the Number at the end of your Type’s “Security Point” arrow) 
Introjection (healthy version) = When you acknowledge a missing skill or trait you value – you can absorb inputs from the environment & make them a part of yourself
Sublimation = when you’re feeling anxious, you do something constructive such as cooking or woodworking
Suppression – If you’re bothered by something or someone, you keep the lid on your feelings if letting them show would interfere with your goals.

HERITABILITY (the likelihood of inheriting a trait) is a population-wide statistic which assesses the proportion of variation in the population one can attribute to heritable genetic variation.
— If heritability is 1.0, all of the variation is genetic – offspring are just a linear combination of their parents
— If heritability is ~0.0, then there’s basically no correlation between parents & offspring. While it’s a population-wide statistic, it can be informative on an individual level. EXP: the heritability of height is ~0.90 in the Western world. (More….)
See Survey CHART  re. Genetic influence on human psychological Traits – which can give a rough sense of the “pull” that biological inheritance will have on an individual. Biology may not be destiny, but it is definitely probability.

Some Behavioral Traits w/ HIGH Heritability
• Aggressiveness, Hard avoidance, Impulsivity, Reward-dependent
• Altruism, Empathy, Nurturance, Well-being, Persistence (or stubbornness)
• Assertiveness, Leadership, Constraint (non-impulsive)
• Sociability, Social closeness, Traditionalism, Physicality  (More….)

Article: “All Human Behavioral Traits are Heritable” from studies in BioDiversity

NEXT: Personality Disorders (#3a)

ACoAs being ‘RIGHT’ (Part 2)

IF I’M NOT RIGHT,
then
who am I?

PREVIOUS: Being Right (Part 2)

SITE: Addicted to being right

QUOTE: “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”   Isaac Asimov

⬆️ IMAGE designed & assembled by DMT

 

WHAT’S WRONG With Being ‘Right’?
Unhealthy (mild): The narcissist in us (& every ACoA has one) will think or say “If I can see this so clearly, why in the world can’t you? // If I can do that task, what’s your problem? // If I love that, I assume you will too. If not, why not?!”
This attitude makes no sense at all. Even identical twins are different in some fundamental ways. One person is not automatically better or more correct than another – just different. (See “Symbiosis & ACoAs #3“)

Unhealthy (severe)
Addicted to being right (aBR)
NOTE: This character defect (cognitive distortion) applies to those adults we grew up with, AND to those of us who have copied them, as well as anyone we’re ‘stuck to’ as adults who is like that

A Closed System – The state of a person or thing being isolated from its surrounding environment.
ONE: This applies to anyone so rigid in their opinions that they can’t let in anything which differs from their own determined ‘correctness’

TWO:  2 people, a Dominant (D) & a Submissive (S) personality, who interact in an ongoing feedback loop, constantly exchanging limited, often distorted, info – characterized by coercion/compliance, co-dependence, sameness & symbiosis

Such a system discourages a feeling of concern, equality, or desire to change in the D, & disallows autonomy, questioning, rocking the boat, separateness, speaking up or taking a stand – for the S. (MORE….)

GROUPS: (family, academia, church… )
Such groups discourage change, differences, disrupting the status quo, equality, independence, objecting, questioning, or taking a stand.
They tends to promote factions, gossip, immaturity, repression, secrets & triangulation. It makes members reactive & anxious, even if this is hidden from each other. They don’t feel safe to question or disagree, for fear of disapproval, punishment or rejection. (MORE…)

🔒 At the extreme ‘right’ we find the ‘Right-ists’.

RIGHT-ists are in a world of their own, extremely self-absorbed & arrogant – which makes most others frustrated & angry when having to deal with them. To them, the accuracy or importance of whatever point they’re pushing is not as relevant as their need to be agreed with. Their rigid thinking is used in a power struggle to bring everyone else to their knees – psychologically, mentally & emotionally.

NOTE: Some right-ists camouflage their compulsion by seeming concerned for others’ well-being, sounding reasonable or just giving ‘helpful’ suggestions. But all the while they’re trying to control their environment – to make it conform to their world-view.
One hint: they consistently make suggestions, give advice & offer help – unsolicited & often unwanted by others. DO NOT be taken in by the presentation. If your own opinions & needs are often or always ignored or over-ruled – you’re dealing with a sneak-narcissist.

EXP: When ranting about anything she thinks is wrong – with a person or in the world – one woman heads off any logic, comment or disagreement from her long-suffering husband with the command: “Just say YES!”
Sadly, unhealed insecure co-dependents have a tendency to attach themselves to such narcissists, believing that being told what think & feel is a way of being taken care of (loved). NOT!

Re. SELF. THEY:
• need the world to revolve around them
• are rigid & controlling, so they don’t work well with others
• lack empathy, have no patience with others & are often snide
• experience opposing or simply different opinions as a direct threat to their sense of well-being
• can become quite aggressive in order to eliminate the threat to their (secret or unconscious) weak self-image

Re. OTHERS. THEY:
• can’t imagine that other people actually have different needs & opinions from their own (NPD = “Put a sweater on, I’m cold”)
• may push their good info from ‘good intentions’, without considering that they’re boundary invading, discrediting another’s process & being arrogant (“others NEED me”)
• alienate others without realizing it, OR of they do, they’re puzzled as
to why, & then assume it’s the other person’s fault
• regard other people’s ideas or viewpoints as inferior or worthless, often losing out on wonderful opportunities & relationships
• can end up isolated & deprived of love, affection, companionship…. unless they find a passive person who uses the ‘Right-ist’ to think for them!

NEXT: Being Right (Part 3a)

RED FLAGS from Psychopaths (Part 2)


LISTEN TO PATTERN

of their conversation

PREVIOUS: Red Flags #1

BOOK HOW to TAKE REVENGE on a NARCISSIST: Take your power back by using their secret techniques 

 

List BASED ON: “30 Red Flags of Manipulative People”

2. SOCIAL Manipulation
Comparing – you with everyone else in their life, including your eventual replacement. When idealizing you, they make you feel special by telling you how much better you are than these people. Later, when devaluing you, they use these comparisons to cut you down

Communicating – texts you dozens of times a day, adding compliments, flattery, songs & poems on Facebook….  You come to rely on this flood of attention as a source of confidence

In Demand – they surround themselves with former lovers and potential mates,  bragging that their exes still want to sleep with him/her, but assures you not to worry. You feel jealous believing your partner is in high demand

Exes, exes, exes – it’s the psychopath’s favorite topic of conversation & you’re stuck listening about them all the time – their names & everything that happened between them – but only the psychopath’s version

Denouncing – they seem to have an unusually amount of crazies in their past. They bad-mouth previous business & personal exes who ‘abandoned’ them, labeling those people as disloyal,  jealous, bipolar, alcoholic….  They will speak about you the same way to their next target

Rivalry – psychopaths shift their laser focus from you back to previously denounced exes, using social media to post ambiguous videos & status updates, old songs & inside jokes, making you doubt your importance to them, while seemingly innocent.

Boredom – They focus more on their new activity & ignore older ones with you. They don’t seem to care when you leave their side, since they can just as easily move on to the next source of energy

• Isolating – If you try to maintain ties with family & friends outside your relationship, they will ensure to undermine each one until you’re severed.
And if you work hard to foster inner peace in your life, they will make it their mission to destroy every avenue you use

Mind reading. Psychopaths expect you to always be able to know what they want or need, when they’re upset, when they don’t feel well, when they want you to do something – all without saying!

Shape shifting. They adopt different personae for different people or groups, transforming their outward personality to match their audience. But sometimes they forget what role they’re playing with you, then slip & accidentally use the wrong mask. You begin to wonder – Who are they really?
Very eerie, but it’s not Multiple Personality Disorder. Each shift is conscious & cleverly molded – all to cover their inner emptiness.

3. GENERAL
• Fun – They actively search our extreme sports & dangerous activities, from a need to feel excitement via high risk & intensity. Anything from BASE jumping to having sex in public, from juggling matches to carelessly cheating on a mate

Dichotomy – they confuse you with a combination of swaggering street-smarts toughness, while at the same time giving off a little boy/girl ‘innocence’ or goodness (not real!).

Fake ‘tears’ – Their emotions are shallow & short-lived.
— While they know how to copy emotions they see in others, only occasionally does the mask slip – unconsciously, giving you the feeling that something’s ‘off’
— You may catch flashes of contempt (feeling superior), unrelated to anything going at the time. Micro-expressions leak out their true opinions
— Rage is one of the few Es they actually feel, but even so they can go from being in a rage to compete calm in a minute

TMI – They love to tell about shady & ‘dirty’ things they’ve done (business & sexual) – as if those were something to be proud of – while giving the impression that’s all in the past for them

Fake goodness
– They create a ‘saintly’ aura engaging in phony altruism (volunteering, donating, gift-giving…), & can’t wait to boast about the great things they do for others – to gain your trust

Talking style – On the one hand their speech is filled with ‘umm / er / uh’ s… maybe needing the time or mental effort to come up with the next lie, ‘story’ or way to make a good impression.
On the other hand – they can barrage with endless (sometimes interesting) monologues, like being on stage, but ignore responses or interruptions

Blame others – nothing is ever their fault. They spend all their time rationalizing their behavior rather than improving it

Overwhelming selfishness – only their needs, desires, opinions, upsets… count    (Modified from “Identifying a Psychopath….”)

NEXT: Psychopath RED FLAGS #3

RED FLAGS from Psychopaths (Part 1)

grating sound
NOTICE HOW OUT OF TUNE

they are with the rest of us

PREVIOUS: 

SITE: Movie Psychopaths – Most & Least realistic 


BASED ON: “30 Red Flags of Manipulative People”

You will find that many of these Red Flags are contradictory – which is part of the psychopath’s bag of tricks. Don’t be fooled, because if  you believe their initial con-job, then they can keep you off balance, & you stay hooked.

★ We always need to be awake for what people are telling us about themselves – in all relationships. One Red Flag to look for is:
Always be suspicious of anyone who comes on too strong, too attentive & complimentary, too easily ‘attached’ – almost as soon as they meet you, even if some of what they say about you is accurate. They simply don’t know you yet, so all their sweet-talk is a form of manipulation & narcissism. It’s creepy!

Healthy people are not taken in by this – they can ‘feel’ such a person’s inappropriateness, whether from neediness or as a self-serving hook. They take the time to slowly get to know others, allowing the process to unfold the truth. This is especially important for ACoAs, who are looking for a symbiotic, instant attachment – but which makes us vulnerable to being used & then thrown away!

1. RELATIONAL Manipulation
Declare you are their soul mate – in the beginning: psychopaths will tell you how much you have in common, they just can’t believe how perfect you are for them, let you do all the talking…. so you’re enchanted

Flatter your deepest insecurities, mirroring your greatest fantasies, playing whatever role is necessary to win your heart. EXP:
— If you’re self-conscious about your looks, they’ll say you’re the sexiest person in the world
— If you have a need to be entertaining, they’ll say you’re the funniest most interesting person they’ve ever known….

Over-emphasize emotions, verbally, but not ever show any themselves. Make passionate statements like “I’ve never felt so happy in my life”, but in a robotic, detached voice – like an alien trying to imitate human feelings

Bait & Switch. After the initial seduction & idealization phase, they stop the compliments & flattery, then undermine your self-esteem by being degrading & belittling

Ultimate hypocrite. Psychopaths expect you to be their perfect mate, demanding total fidelity, respect & admiration – while they cheat, lie, steal & use you emotionally

Withhold attention. Once you’re hooked they suddenly become withdrawn & physically uninterested – without any obvious reason or explanation. They act bored, like it’s a chore to be intimate, completely annoyed that you expect to continue the passionate relationship they started.
It make you desperate & needy, ensuring that you’ll always be the one to initiate contact

Provoke emotional reactions – deliberately setting you up. EXP:
— call you jealous after blatantly flirting with their ex on social media
— call you needy after intentionally ignoring you for 3 days straight…..

Non-reactive – they’re cool, calm & collected & want you to feel inferior or over-sensitive for having normal human emotions & reactions

Insult you in a joking but condescending way, subtly minimizing your intelligence & achievements, such as smirk any time you try to express yourself

Controlling – They tell you what to of, say & feel. The try to ‘fix’ you up, obsessed with your appearance, making comments about what you’re wearing  & how you look, always picking at you, pointing out flaws that don’t even exist

Teasing you becomes their major style of communication – “just joking”! If you point this out, they call you hypersensitive, paranoid & crazy

• Silent treatment: If they stop talking to you for several days, it’s to show their displeasure because it was your fault for expecting too much from them, for ruining their plans, for not being available when they wanted you…. & they’ll play the victim as an excuse for not telling you

Spotlight – always shining it on your faults and ignoring their own. If you point out their mistakes, they’re quick to point the finger back at you.
EXP:
— If they’re 2 hours late, they remind you that you were once 5 minutes late to your first date
— If they’ve forgotten to keep a promise, they remind you of the time you didn’t buy the milk you said you’d pick it up for their breakfast…..

Gaslighting. Psychopaths blatantly deny their own manipulative behavior, ignoring clear evidence when confronted with it. They get angry if you try to disprove their denial / delusions using facts

NEXT: Red Flags, #2

Qs: Are You Passive-Aggressive?

 

I DON’T LIKE
these questions!

PREVIOUS : P-A Comments

BOOK: Overcoming Passive-Aggression…..

SITE: Why Empaths Freeze Around Fake People” 

See ACRONYM page for abbrev.

 

REVIEW: Ways to express anger – Bible perspective

Qs re Silent Treatment – Christian focus
A Master Mind student formulated the following Qs for such a person to ask themselves, but they can also be used in couple’s counseling & in group.

Motive
✏️What are you trying to achieve, accomplish, or prove with the silent treatment?
✏️What are you trying to protect yourself from by choosing silence?
✏️Is this a defensive tactic? If Yes, then against what?
✏️What are you trying to control when you use the silent treatment?
✏️What are you afraid of if you were to actually talk to the person you’re ignoring?  ✏️What is it that makes you so angry?

Community
🔎Are you aware how this tactic affects your family—the infliction of abuse?
🔎Are there any other people in your life you treat this way?
🔎How does it make you feel when you are ignored and alienated?
🔎Do you have anyone holding you accountable for this tactic?
🔎Will you change now? Will you stop doing this?

QUESTIONNAIRE re. being Passive-Aggressive 
Unexpressed anger can build up and take over your life, making you miserable in many different ways. You may have deep unresolved anger if you:

EMOTIONAL /PSYCHOLOGICAL

_____ Deny your feelings of frustration, irritation and impatience

_____ Are afraid to express strong emotion, believing it’s wrong to be angry

_____You appear sweet, compliant and agreeable, but are really resentful, angry, petty and envious underneath

_____You cover up feeling inadequate with superiority, disdain, hostile passivity

_____ Frequently vent injustice about your job or home situation to others

_____Smile but are bitter and cynical, while you are hurting inside

_____ Are excessively impatient and irritable

_____ Are bored, apathetic, have lost interest in things you used to enjoy

_____ Become easily frustrated with other people’s faults

_____You’re afraid of being alone, & equally afraid of being dependent

_____You sulk, withdraw and pout

_____You constantly protect yourself so no one will know how afraid you are of being inadequate, imperfect, left, dependent or simply human

MENTAL / PHYSICAL

_____ Are unnecessarily critical of yourself

_____ Turn your anger on yourself and beat yourself up

_____You complain frequently that you’re treated unfairly

_____ You procrastinate frequently, especially on things you do for others

_____You are often late and/or forgetful

_____Express disbelief at others’ driving, resulting in road rage

_____ Have continual thoughts of revenge

_____ Grind teeth or clench your jaws; chronic muscle tension in your face

_____ Chronic muscle tension in neck & shoulders, that worsens when upset

_____ Habitually clenched fists, tap feet or hands when upset

COMMUNICATION / SOCIAL

_____ Are afraid to express your opinion because you might blow up

_____ Overly polite, cheerful, ‘grin & bear it’ to hide feelings of injustice

_____ Agree to do something, then don’t follow through. “Forget” your promises

_____ Want to be known as the “nice guy/gal” but inwardly are in turmoil

_____ Are sarcastic and use humor destructively

_____ Frequently pepper your talk with cuss words

_____ Must have the last work in a disagreement, keeping a fight going

_____ Pick at others & provoke them to anger

_____ Are secretly or outwardly judgmental about the actions of others

_____ Displace anger on safer people (less threatening) or on objects

_____You’re unwilling to give a straight answer

_____ You make up stories, excuses and lies

_____You drag your feet to frustrate others

____ You don’t speak your truth openly, kindly and honestly when asked for your opinion or when asked to do something for someone

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