OUTGROWING Co-Dep Niceness (Part 8b)

I FEEL MUCH BETTER
when I’m forgiven

PREVIOUS: Asking forgiveness #8a

SITE:16 Common excuses for NOT asking for forgiveness”
(Familiar excuses applying to anyone unwilling to be accountable, + Christian references)

 

RECOVERY from “Too Nice Syndrome” (TNS) cont.

Tool 6. FORGIVEN by OTHERS (cont.)
1.
WHO (in 8a)

2. For WHAT: Here again ACoAs get things backwards: (see Part 4a)
Too much: we apologize, often too often, for things what are not ‘offenses’, only because our S-H, via the PP, says everything we do & ARE is bad/unacceptable.
EXP: Billy’s sponsee was always making ‘humorous’ fun of himself & he wasn’t even a comic. When Billy wouldn’t laugh at yet another putdown the sponsee was annoyed: ‘You don’t have a sense of humor!”. Billy’s response: “Self-hate isn’t funny!”

Too little: at the same time we hide from admitting the actual insensitive or destructive things we say & do, because of shame, guilt & FoA. Yet such negative actions make us feel bad about ourselves, so we hide even more – acting like nothing ever happened, instead of cleaning up our mess whenever possible.

a. Imagined ‘character defects’ (see Part 8a).
The alcoholics & other narcissists we grew up with forced us to gauge relationships based on what they wanted or hated – which we now project onto everyone else. We assume others will be as weak, as judgmental, as demanding, as manipulative, as needy, as controlling, as dangerous, as easily upset…. as our parents were. So we’re always looking out for emotional traps, trying to avoid other people’s disapproval & anger.

That makes us constantly worried that we have annoyed, bothered, offended, disgusted…. everyone else. But if we were to ask a person about something we said or did that we were sure they disliked/hated – they couldn’t imagine what had us so worked up – it hadn’t registered.
And if we tried to apologize for some imagined slight (based on our mind-reading ‘talent’) & they did remember the incident but barely noticed it, they might look at us quizzically or with amusement – since to them it was no big deal!

b. Real ‘character defects’ – because of damage.
Shame is at the root of all our wounds,
& asking for anything is considered shameful. So having to be humbly honest with someone we’ve hurt & then ask to be forgiven for our thoughtless or hurtful actions can be very uncomfortable, even terrifying – but only to the WIC part of us.

REMINDER – Admitting we have character flaws is NOT an indictment of our whole being. It’s not only human to be imperfect, but as ACoAs we definitely have more ‘issues’ than people raised in safer homes. All are a combination of our parents’ defects (which became our Introject), our native personality, & our response to all the abuse we suffered.

IMP: Before approaching others with your 9th Step – be very sure you will be talking to someone capable of treating you with respect. If they’re volatile or disdainful, don’t engage!

A WAY to START is to ‘lightly’ ask the person if they remember the event? that  you’re concerned about – unless you already know. Don’t make it sound dire.
1.  If they don’t remember, then drop it. If they ask why, say “I just wondered” & nothing more.😓

2. If they do recall, ask how they feel about it. Don’t put words in their mouth!
• If they say they’re OK, believe them – don’t try to mind-read their intention.
So leave it alone. Your guilt is your own – they don’t owe you absolution.

3. 😂If they express hurt, anger or disappointment, you know it’s time to apologize. Again – they don’t have to forgive!

NEXT: Passive-Aggressive Niceness – Intro-a

Re. ACRONYMS

me typing

 

 

 

Dear Readers,

Thank you for your interest in this blog & your continued support.

From time to time I have received objections to my use of acronyms & abbrev.

I would like to offer some additional thoughts:

✤ In the past 6+ years I have written & published over 680 posts! I have also written many more that are in the pipeline

✤ Each series of posts (by topic) takes many, many hours, & often weeks, to put together. With my readers always in mind, I go over each one 5-10 times to insure they are clear, logical & the best I can do. It’s inevitable that occasionally I’ll miss something, but Perfection is never a goal!

✤ For each individual post much time is spent researching relevant articles, (listed near the top of the page & throughout), as added-value to the topic. This includes noting references to info from other sourcesdoing researchscreen-shot-2017-02-07-at-5-10-52-pm

✤ I also take hours & hours to comb thru images to add flavor & clarity to each post. In many cases, when I can’t find what I want, I take yet more time to combine up to 6 images into the scene that fits the text

✤ I have rewritten many old posts when necessary, especially breaking up ones that were originally too long

✤ I recently revised all the ‘sitemap‘ lists by year (2010-2016) to group topics together that were written at very different times, which also means going thru over 500 of the posts to re-set all their pub dates, as well as all the relevant links to other posts!

✤ Sitting at the computer for hours & hours & hours to do this work is my great love, but I’m a senior (70) w/ Fibromyalgia & other physical issues, making the task quite tiring. So I try to find ways to make my life a little easier, which includes a few shortcuts

NOTE: This is not the only place you’ll find such shortcuts, used mainly with phrases that are often repeated, as in my posts.
You may have seen scientific, medical & other type of articles which use acronyms, as well as in AL-Anon (ODAT, ACA, HP….), & psychology (MBTI, NLP, MMPI….)

MY REQUEST:willingness??
Since I have put so much effort & care into this work, would you be willing to put a little extra effort in as well – to learn the acronyms?

Of course, it’s fine if this doesn’t work for you.

Thank you.

MULTIPLE Intelligences (Part 3c)

music / math 

I’M GOOD AT CALCULATING
the odds & ‘hearing’ patterns!

PREVIOUS:

 Multiple Is (Part 3b)

SITE:World needs all kinds of music
~ TED talk by Temple Grandin

NOTE: See ACRONYM page for abbrev.

 

MULTIPLE INTELLIGENCES cont. (Howard Gardner)
5. LOGICAL-MATHEMATICAL (number/reasoning-smart) – learn by reasoning things thru.
This group has the ability to look for patterns, making connections between many & diverse pieces of information. They can then calculate & quantify that info in order to carry out complex mathematical operations, & create hypotheses or propositions. To foster creative problem solving they analyze, predict & manipulate real-world models.

They ask lots of questions, are always curious about natural events & the world around them, like to carry out studies & can handle long chains of reasoning to predict ‘local progressions’ (an increase in something). As young adults they’re drawn to arithmetic problems, strategy games & experiments. This is a less commonly seen Intelligence – since not everyone is automatically good at math, or they don’t give themselves the chance to develop their math-reasoning potential.
They:math / logic
— generate and use abstract thoughts
— try to find logical solutions to problems
— use sequential reasoning skills
— usually good with computers & lots of gadgets
— use inductive & deductive logic
— have a sense of cause & effect
— like reading about scientific discoveries
— like to solve mysteries & ask cosmic questions
— enjoy putting things in order, creating schedules
— get frustrated by disorganization
— better at budgeting, balancing the checkbook
— can reason their way into winning every argument
— are comfortable with numbers, logic, reasoning, abstractions
— will try to figure out how broken things work or untangle messes

ENJOY: calculating, experimenting, logic puzzles, questioning, science museums, things to explore and think about
LEARN: through logic games, investigations, mysteries. Need to learn & form broad concepts before dealing with details
TOOLS: pencil/paper, computers

CAREERS: accountant, computer programmer, detective, engineer, mathematician, researcher /scientist (MORE….)
INCREASE ability: get a book of logic games, knit a sweater, watch a movie on video & stop it to predict what will happen. Learn computer programming languages, try critical-thinking activities, linear outlining, Piaget’s cognitive stretching exercises, science-fiction scenarios, logic puzzles. Article: “Your brain on numbers

TECH ideas: Excel, Numbers, Logo, create a survey with Survey Monkey
FAMOUS People: Albert Einstein, Niels Bohr, John Dewey, Stephen Hawking,
Leonhard Euler, Alan Turing (WWII computer genius)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
6. MUSICAL/RHYTHMIC (musical-smart) – think in rhythms & melodies.
This group can recognize, reflect on, create & reproduce music. It’s the capacity to discern pitch, rhythm, timbre & tone. As young adults they’re usually singing or drumming to themselves, very aware of sounds others may miss.
As we know, there’s a connection between music and emotions, & between music and math – which have shared thinking processes. Playing, singing, dancing or even listening to music can help the brain form or combine ideas in new ways.
Moving to music is beneficial, since music moves our brain waves. At Karaoke, our brain anticipates songs on the CD we’ve chosen, so that “excitatory signals pass from the prefrontal cortex to the premotor cortex, preparing the body to act”.

Playing an instrument makes us better at associative thinking, helping to choose our actions – from a variety of options – which requires accessing stored info about a great many ‘sequences’ of activities (crystalline – see Part 1), allowing us to predict possible outcomes.
Music can be used to improve work productivity or change our mood – any time. Interestingly, some rhythms trigger brain enzymes to give an amazing feeling of well-being. Other tunes leave us punchy, unable to focus. (Different types of music produce.….)
They:MUSIC:Rhythm
— enjoy & respond to many types of music
— like to hum or sing when on their own
— can tell if music is off-key or ‘off’ in other ways
— easily remember scores & melodies
— remembers info better if in rhyme or rhythm
— more effected by noise & sound than others
— can read music, play a variety of instruments
— use all the sense to identify musical patterns
— may study better with music in the background
— know the structure of songs (from songs to symphonies)
— can naturally figure out how to play a tune on an instrument

ENJOY: humming, listening, singing, tapping hands & feet, whistling
LEARN: by turning lessons into lyrics, speaking rhythmically.
TOOLS: musical instruments, musical scores, multimedia

CAREERS: audio recording, disc jockey, composer, conductor, musical performer, (MORE….) http://gshsjillwilson.weebly.com/multiple-intelligences-definedcareer-chart.html
INCREASE ability: attend concerts, play an instrument, hum melodies, sing to iPod or with others. Listen to a wide variety of music, be quiet and listen to all the sounds everywhere

TECH ideas: iMovie, GarageBand, Audacity, iTunes, iPod, Media Player
FAMOUS People: Beethoven, Mozart, Stevie Wonder, Joni Mitchell, Louis Armstrong, Senegalese musician Youssou N’dour, Yo-Yo Ma

NEXT: Multiple intelligences (Part 3d)

ACoAs MANIPULATING Self & Others (Part 3c)

in your head  

PREVIOUS: Manipulation #3b

SITE: 8 Ways to spot Manipulators

REMINDER: See ACRONYM
page for abbrev.

 

Our Manipulative WAYS (cont.)
Foot-in-Door
You start by asking someone for a small favor they don’t mind doing, & then foot in doorwhen they’re in the middle of it, add on other things or ask for the big thing you really wanted – making it hard for them to say no

Guilting
Telling a conscientious victim that they don’t care enough, are too selfish or have it easy, keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious, submissive position. OR make someone feel bad that you don’t have qualities, people or things the way they do (you’re jealous /envious), so they’ll feel sorry & volunteer to help you out

Judgmental – the (T) form of T.E.A.
— all the time about everything, a characteristic of narcissism
— occasionally, an indirect expression of abandonment terror, when triggered now by a person or situation, but don’t recognize it for what it is – a reminder of childhood neglect & abuse

Mirroring (negative)
Physically &/or verbally copying someone you want to influence, using their same body language, intonation pattern, language, preferences… makes them feel ‘seen’

Over-promising
Saying yes to anything asked of you even when you’re not interested or it doesn’t suit you, & you don’t have time anyway – just so you’ll be liked. You over-book & then forget or cancel at the last-minute

One up-One Down
a. Believe you’re better/superior – morally having more value as a person, rather than being better at certain things (not the same as having a higher IQ), in order one upto keep everyone at a distance & not acknowledge the need for connection, help, comfort….

b. Feel inferior, believing you’re worse than everyone else (weaker, dumber, less capable….)
— in order to stave off assumed inevitable abandonment, disappointment AND — to obey Family rule “I am unlovable” / “I’m too much trouble” / “Don’t have needs”….
— try to get other to meet our needs by starving ourself / deprivation indirectly by being ‘incapable’

c. Fake humility – hiding the compulsion to dominate by taking on the role of servant, helper, assistant – perhaps serving a ‘higher cause’…. while controlling things from the wings

People-Pleasing / Perfectionism
Constantly trying to be or do whatever others want, or what you think they need/want, & going above & beyond what is called for or expected. to make yourself indispensable so they’ll approve of you & never ‘go way‘ (from self-hate & fear of abandonment)

Victim
Put a burden on others to be the good parents you never had BY:
• dismissing your own ‘voice’ & not taking up enough spacevictim
• going along to get along, suffer in silence – but others can feel it
• give up what you want, to avoid conflict, but are quietly resentful
• don’t ask question, but always trying to explain or defend yourself
• talk in indirect or convoluted ways, instead of declarative statements
• being withholding, as a form of silent disapproval
• believing you have nothing worthwhile to contribute……

COMBINED Manipulation of Self & Others
Taking on the Scapegoat Role as a child (NOT the same as being scapegoated by the family) – is a child’s attempt to spare the narcissistic family its pain, by taking it on & acting it out for them – assuming its efforts will alleviate the heaviness it can feel in everyone. It’s a way for this child to deny knowing that the alcoholic, narcissistic, codependent parents & other relatives are not willing to work on themselves, not going to take responsibility for their emotions or actions.

It’s a manipulative tactic (usually unconscious) which continues into adulthood. These ACoAs will go on sacrificing their own needs, their good name, their protect familystanding in the family or community, even their very life – if it will make others in the family ‘feel better’ by not having to look at their own damage & dysfunctional behavior! By extension, the Scapegoat will do the same for anyone else they care about.

By staying in this Toxic Role they set themselves up to be a negative focus for others – at home, in school, in business, in groups…. but ignore the fact that they are actually manipulating, as a way —
— to keep playing out the only ‘field position’ they know
— to get punished for being soooo bad, according to the abusers
— to get absolution for sins they were told they committed
— to solicit sympathy & ‘help’ without being able to ask for it

On one level this Role is genuinely taken on in the name of love, but at a deeper level it’s about the fear of losing connection, the ultimate childhood terror. Unfortunately, the sacrifices go unappreciated & are never successful anyway, but only make others disrespect & dismiss the Scapegoat. So when they’re treat badly or ignored, this ACoA gets very angry at the people they’ve been trying to ‘save’.

Scapegoats only see the rejection & invisibility, left outfeel unloved, excluded, attacked – not recognizing or admitting that they —
— allow themselves to be used & toyed with by unscrupulous types
— experience any (real or imagined) slight as a direct rejection, as if others are even paying attention, or are hell-bent on hurting them
— perpetuate their childhood environment of fear, loneliness & abandonment BY not having a strong core identity based on self-esteem & self-respect.

NEXT: Manipulation #4a

ACoAs MANIPULATING Self & Others (Part 3b)

juggling people 

PREVIOUS: Manipulation #3a

SITEs: 20 Subtle Signs of Workplace Bullying
Workplace Danger – Manipulative People”

BOOK: 30 COVERT ways of M. ~ Adelyn Birch

 

FORMS of Manipulation (cont.)
2. Indirect / Covert
Covert manipulation (M) is more subtle. Tactics (such as Evasion, Diversion, Blame….) have the power to be effective because they carefully hide aggressive & exploitative intentions, while at the same time putting the other person unconsciously on the defensive.
Sometimes, all it takes is a particular facial expression, non-verbal gesture, glance, glare, stare, or shrug. Sometimes the manipulator will send a carefully veiled “Now there’ll be some hell to pay!” message without making any kind of direct threat.

ACoAs
As stated in Part 1, M is an attempt at getting our needs met, but only indirectly, because we’re not allowed to HAVE them (shame is what we feel about each need never provided by our family). Back then, trying to get our needs met resulted in either being made fun of, punished or completely ignored.
BUT since our needs are NORMAL & therefore don’t go away, we look for alternative ways of meeting them while still obeying the toxic rules – which puts us in a double bind.

Our Manipulative WAYS
Avoid Asking
You expect others to guess what you need & then provide it. When they don’t – not being mind-readers – you feel very angry at them, get depressed & assume the ‘universe’ doesn’t want you to have the needs

Bribery
You first reward someone, by identifying what they want/need & give it to them, just because you’re a ‘genuinely’ nice person. Then at some point pleasantly suggest that you would like something in return, & they’ll usually feel compelled to return the favor

Bugging / Pushypushy
At the other extreme, always nagging to get what you want, repeating the question, requesting or demanding, insisting…. to wear others down until they finally give in. Can’t tolerate NO as an answer, & constantly over-step boundaries

Charm / Good Looks
You use your best assets to encourage people to favor you over others (work, dating, purchasing…) by being positive, cheerful, self-confident, well-groomed, with approachable body language – to make them feel special for having your full attention

Conditional Approval & ‘love’
You’re kind, pleasant, helpful – but only if they’re just like you, you want what they can do for you, let you control them…. But get angry or withholding if they disagree, set limits on you, stand up for themselves,
won’t go along with your agenda….

Dishonest watching & listening
Pay close attention to what people tell you about themselves & their body language, figuring out their psychological/emotional makeup, in order to identify weakness or strength you can exploit

Distorting Facts
You manipulate information & reality by making it seem better than it is. OR leave out crucial info in am explanation, use info against the person,
overwhelm with facts & statistic, lie, make excuses, exaggerate, act like you know everything…. to avoid responsibility & feel more powerful

double-BDouble-Binding
Keep someone who wants to please you in bondage (paralyzed) by subtly giving opposing messages they must obey or accept without question, to keep them confused & off balance (EXP: smile while insulting)

Exploiting
Use other people’s time, energy, money, talents – only for your benefit – by convincing them it’s for a good cause, will make them feel good, will provide ‘spiritual benefits/rewards….or promising some big reward, while compromising their rights & interests.

Fake Emotions
Use contrived emotions to be in control & get what you want, by acting angry to scare someone, solicitous to soften them, caring to keep their attention, weak & needy to get taken care of, insulted to create guilt…..fear & relief
Can be based on being emotionally stunted / disconnected to your Real Self & true emotions, copying what others do, to have the upper hand

Fear-&-Relief
To get someone to do what you want, but is resisting, you artificially create sudden mood swings, by first working on their fear (disapproval, threats to leave, withhold money….), & then when when they’ve been weakened & disarmed, ready to give in – you stop the pressure, tell them it’s OK…. which makes them so relieved they’ll do whatever you want

Flattering / Kissing up
Making others feel good by complementing them, acting totally interested in their lives…. so they’ll want to please you. It makes it hard for them to say NO, even against their better judgement, because they wouldn’t want you to be disappointed or think badly of them

NEXT: Manipulation #3c

OUR SENSES & Learning – Smell / Taste (4e)

chef smelling soup

 

PREVIOUS: Olfactory Learners (#4d)

SITEs: The World Though our Senses
Learning Styles Affects How You Play GOLF

 

OLFACTORY Learning
– (Smell cont.
)
According to Dr. Ira Greene, author of “The Nose Knows: A Nasal-Based Curriculum Development Guide”, there are 3 distinct types of nasal learners: the goal-oriented, the activity-oriented & the learning-oriented. Each type needs to be treated differently.
EXP: “…while activity & goal oriented learners may be sufficiently motivated at the prospect of an olfactory reward at the end of a task, the learning-oriented student needs something more to sustain his/her interest.”

Few people appreciate the range of information provided by the sense of smell.
Anosmia – the clinical term for the inability to smell – is a little-known & invisible but serious problem. We do notice it’s loss when we have a cold or allergies, but rarely consider what would happen if that source of info disappeared altogether. Yet olfaction is a vulnerable sense, & smell disorders or total loss are more common than realized. (“A Sense of Hope” – Monell Center. PA)
(Nose recognizes 6 vehicle warning signs), (SMELLS: Consumer preferences)

smell & imagesResearch also has shown that smell has a unique relationship to words & images. Scents are normally formed as purely visceral, subjective experiences that are hard to put into words, yet in spite of this apparent limitation, writers often describe scents in literature.  The “Proust Effect” – from Marcel Proust’s influential multi-volume novel “In Search of Lost Time” – names smell’s ability to trigger involuntary memories, illustrating literature’s crucial role in shaping our understanding of how smell works.

Since 2000, Scholastic Scents is a Cambridge, MA, has been working to fill the void in materials geared towards nasal learners, by providing scratch-and-sniff textbooks & variety of educational packets such as the Oregon Trail fragrance set, & “Speak and Smell” language workshops.   (Scented Children’s books)

L. Stanley’s article “What does purple smell like?” (Childhood Education) describeshappy grapes one of the few studies that examines smell as part of a multi-sensory approach in helping children learn – allowing them to experiment, investigate & discover the world around them.
EXP: In one study, teachers of 2-year-olds matched colors to familiar objects, like purple with the smell & taste of grapes, & then played the blindfold game “Smell the Color.” The children enthusiastically & successfully learned those colors presented, & paid closer attention to other colors in their environment.

In L. Burmark’s article “They Snooze, You Lose: The Educator’s Guide to
Successful Presentations “, he recommends going beyond auditory or visual forms to more engaging, multi-sensory lessons to keep interest among students of all ages. Studies reveal that when educational presentations use a multi-media format, their effectiveness increases by 300%.  Burmark is particularly interested in smell memoryincorporating smell. Research shows that this is a particularly powerful tool for gathering info, strongly related to memory & emotion, & that 75% of emotional responses are based on smell. Because of this connection, scents can be used to improve our ability to remember.

In July 2003, the Summer School on HUMAN OLFACTION took take place  in Dresden, Germany.
Its aim was to provide participants with up-to-date knowledge on various aspects of the human chemical senses, through seminar-style lectures as well as practical demonstrations & experiments carried out by the participants.

* * * * * * * * * *
GUSTATORY Learning (Taste)
In some ways understanding taste is more complex than the other physical senses because even though taste, smell & sight are separate areas of the brain, they overlap significantly in how we experience things in our environment. All our senses work together, but smell and taste are special partners. When we eat, our tongue gives us the taste & our nose the smell of the food. Approximately 80–90% of what we perceive as ‘taste’ is in fact due to our sense of smell, so when the nose is congested, our food tends to lose it’s taste.

Taste & smell are essential for survival, helping to identifying edible material, & preventing the ingestion of toxic material. Activation of these two neural-peripheral systems together lets us identify flavors, & is currently being used to develop food, beverages & pharmaceuticals, in order to enhance or mask tastes and smells.

tongue tastesThe ancient Greeks believed that the two most basic tastes were sweet & bitter, but Aristotle (c. 350 BC) was one of the first to develop a list of other basic tastes. Ayurveda, an ancient Indian healing science, has its own tradition of basic tastes, comprised of sweet, salty, sour, pungent, bitter & astringent, while the Ancient Chinese regarded spiciness as a basic taste. In the present we know the mouth can distinguish sweet, salty, sour, bitter & umami (the flavor of certain glutamates, variously described as savory, meaty or broth), long known in Asian cooking, which only recently has been found to have its own taste receptors.

Taste is the sensation produced when a substance in the mouth reacts chemically with receptor cells located on taste buds in the mouth, mainly on the tongue, but are also in the roof of the mouth & near the pharynx. (BUDS)  The number of taste buds varies significantly from person to person, greater amount increasing sensitivity. The average is about 10,000 taste buds, each one having about 1,000 taste cells, which act as receptors. In general, women have more than men, & as is the case for color blindness, some people are insensitive to some tastes.
smell process

NEXT: Smell & Taste (Part 4f)

OUR SENSES & LEARNING – Touch (4c)

kinestheric learning


PREVIOUS: Auditory (4b)

SITEs: Learning Style Preferences & ESL Students (Study)
6 important things you should know about how your brain learns

KINESTHETIC  (somatic/physical actions) Learning
About 35% of children &  5 – 15% of Adults learn most easily while moving (kinesthetic) or handling (tactile) things, which helps them understand the world around them.
Physical movement: The Cerebellum & motor cortex, at the back of the frontal lobe, are mainly in charge of much of the body’s activity
Kinesthetic thought: lets us experience bodily sensations, feelings & emotions, which come from immediate experience, memories or imagined situations

“Children enter kindergarten as kinesthetic/tactual learners, moving & touching everything as they go. By 2nd or 3rd grade, some have become visual learners. During the late elementary years, others – mainly girls – become auditory learners, while many males keep their kinesthetic/tactual strengths throughout their lives.” Rita Stafford and Kenneth J. Dunn; Allyn and Bacon, 1993)

antsy in schoolWhen young, these learners are life’s little wiggle worms, often mis-diagnosed with ADD or ADHD. They’re smart & eager to learn, but first need their attention captured. Then their energy can be directed by drawing on their natural curiosity & offered hand-on activities. They do best when they have something in front of them they can physically touch, and even better if they made it themselves.
They come to understand how to use their bodies & how to communicate with others by touch, most of which comes through feet & hands. So activities that focus on those body parts help them learn how to write, share their toys, button shirts, tie shoes, hold a fork…

Kinesthetic learners express themselves through movement, with the distinct ability to control the body’s actions & handle objects skillfully. Through interacting with the space around them, they are able to remember and process information, which allows for a good sense of balance & eye-hand co-ordination.

learn by doingDOING something active allows them to learn, which helps them stay focused & retain information. This can include taking note (an action), but use their own language to express what they’re hearing.They need external stimulation, otherwise they may lose interest, preferring to think broadly before going in-depth. It doesn’t mean they act before thinking or are reckless, but that they understand things better by getting immersed in a situation or lesson, in order to evaluate facts for themselves.

Learning a physical skill by first visualizing the activity (dance, a sport, driving…. ) is known to be very successful. 
EXP: Focus on the sensations you would expect for each activity or experience. So, for a tack (turn) on a sailboat, feel the pressure against your hand as you turn the rudder & the tension lessening on the ropes. Feel the wind change to the other side, feel the thud as the sail swaps with the wind, feel the boat speed up as you start the new leg….

Phrases used by Kinesthetics :
” I can’t get a grip on this // Stay in touch // That doesn’t sit right with me // I have a good feeling about this // My gut is telling me // I get your drift….”

Re. INTUITION (Clear sensing)
This is really feeling vibes the your body. Tingles, goosebumps, electricity, lump in throat, tickle in ear….
Gut Instinct (Clear knowing)
Harder to describe – more like a crystal clear ‘I just know!”, like a ring or ping, but coming from the belly rather than the mind. Not so thick or dense as many deliberate thoughts.

abuse muscle painNOTE: All experiences of physical, sexual, verbal & emotional abuse are stored in the body (muscles, organs, energy centers….), and need to be released in movement, taking & crying. Such history can be from childhood battering &’or incest, domestic abuse, war-time trauma, severe physical-illness-treatments or accidents….).
The physical expression of stored pain is necessary for all learning types, but especially for Kinesthetics – using experiential modalities.
(Core Energetics) , (Psychodrama) ,
(Trauma release exercises)……(Some books) LINKS to many therapies

SOME general KINESTHETIC Characteristics
KEEP IN MIND that which ever style is your preference you’re not going to identify with every single characteristic listed. That will depend on other factors, such as mixing in other learning styles with your primary one, your educational background and your native personality.

kinestetic char
NEXT: SMELL (4d)