DIFFICULT People – Intro


 

PREVIOUS: Introvert Children

 

SITEs:  How to Tell if You Are Self Absorbed

 

 

 

General CHARACTERISTICS

As ACoAs, as kids – we had no choice but to become enmeshed with our specific set of Difficult People, brainwashed into accepting their messages without question and ignore the damage it did to us. We were at their mercy, & rarely if ever did we get help to cope with them, or learn how to protect ourselves in healthy ways.

So, it’s imperative to identify & acknowledge what & who we have to deal with, instead of questioning our observation of dysfunction, or denying them completely.

Difficult people (D.P.) are manipulative, controlling & bratty – with most people, most of the time – functioning from defenses developed in response to a damaging background. Internally conflicted, their patterns are usually unconscious. Dedicated D.P. don’t like it when they can’t play out their shtick (pattern), or are called out on their negativity. When they don’t get what they want from one person or environment, they move on to the next innocent sucker.

DON’T IGNORE the red flags:
a. They rarely have empathy for others, &
b. Are always angry OR always miserable
While most people have one or more of the following characteristics – some of the time, in some circumstances – negative personality traits & attitudes of D. P. are entrenched, in the form of personality disorders (More….)

1. It’s all about them = They’re narcissistically opinionated, needing to be the center of attention. Dramatic & fueled by reactions from others – their life is like a soap opera. Asking “How are you?” will open a can of worms, & a story will turn into a novel

2. They’re Victims = They’ve never gotten over trauma – stuck in the past, telling & re-telling stories of pain, failures & guilt. They’ll reel you in by using illnesses, family & tragedy – as a manipulation to make you feel sorry for them

3. They never do a favor without collecting = They’re always scheming to get something for nothing – self-serving, with no shame or compassion. If they do you a favor – you’re going to pay for it, big time. They’ll keep reminding you of what they did & what you owe, even though you’ve also helped them in the past. But admitting that would not serve their interest

4. They’re oblivious = They’re have no idea what’s going on in reality – living in a world only they understand. They’re not dreamers & trailblazers, but rather in deep denial – undependable & irresponsible. They’re so vague it’s hard to have a serious conversation with them

5. They blame, gossip & whine = If they’re gossiping with you about others, they’ll do the same about you. They blame others for their troubles & whine to get attention. They complain about everyone – to you – but put on a big smile for the ones they just trashed.  (modified from Adorablequotes4u.com)

They’re some combination of :  • arrogant • disrespectful  • negative  • passive-aggressive  • pot-stirring  • selfish  • unmotivated & lazy • disregarding common decency or rules  • not responsible for their behavior

SIGNS of a Toxic Person (the more of these the more toxic)
NOTE – toxic people are not all overt in their treatment of others – like the bully & tanks. Some do it by withholding or being sneaky, but all have a harmful effect on others:

• Only what they think, feel & want matters
• They’re critical, controlling & never consider anyone else’s (your) needs
• They act like they’re fabulous & never make mistakes (perfect)
• The angry ones don’t care about your feelings & like to see you suffer
• They drag up your past & won’t let you be different from them
• They dominate conversations, & leave no room for you
• They spread gloom, & keep disappointing you

• Nothing you say or do is ever good enough
• They violate your boundaries, & never respect your ‘no’
• When you’re around them you walk on eggshells
• You ‘check out’ or ignore your own values
• They make fun of even the smallest actual or imagined flaw
• They leave you feeling guilty & ashamed of who you are
• They leave you wounded = feeling battered, bruised & torn apart

NEXT: Difficult types #1

Advertisements

GROWTH for INTROVERTS (Part 1)

PREVIOUS: INFJ

SITEs: MBTI Types as animals, some famous people, + Cognitive Functions

Life of an Introvert – illustrated (heart map)

Are an E or an I?

 

 

I-ness = Introversion

HELPFUL SUGGESTIONS (modified from Dr Alice Boyes)
Get to know your BIS (Behavioral Inhibition System)
BIS is a brain-based system that prevents a person from moving forward when they have competing needs (achieve success while avoiding all negative outcomes), or conflicting motivations (pleasing a parent vs. pleasing oneself).

• People with a strong BIS tend to be highly anxious – worried about real or potential ‘punishment’ – which can include negative responses (criticism) or something positive taken away (loss of solitude)…… When faced with an internal dilemma, a strong ‘stop’ signal will kick in, OR they may start & then stop – unable to finish.

• Introverts (Is) with a particularly sensitive BIS can stay alert for punishment signals (being judged, ignored, disappointed….) & fend them off before getting run over by their BIS. Look for & accept rewarding opportunities in your daily life (complements, encouragement, praise, a raise…..) & learn to get as much of them as possible. (See post “Resilience – Traits : Positivity ratio“)

Accept & appreciate your Temperament
DEF: Personality is the whole person, & temperament is the basic force that drives a person to behave in certain ways, unique to them.

Introversion is neither a virtue nor flaw – just a natural part of ones personality. Many Is grow up being shamed by family & peers for being ‘different’, leaving them feeling ashamed for being ‘less-than’. That belief can now be corrected. (CHART….)

EXP: It’s normal for Is to be cautious about starting new relationships.
BUT, if you’re also brain-wired or been trained in childhood – to assume negatives first – it’ll slow connections even more. Work on looking for positive opportunities & risk reaching out once you’ve spent a little time observing how someone talks & acts. Trust your instincts.

EXP: It’s normal for Is to be focus inward – on being creative, paying attention to details & knowing things in depth.
BUT if you are also highly ambitious with a strong independent streak, you can become an entrepreneur, create a new product, fight inequality or ‘city hall’….
Identify long-term interests & passions, pursue them & self-correct when necessary. Explain your temperament when you need to, so others can understand your responses. (9 childhood aspects of temperament – some relating to I-ness)

Identify emotions
Is need time to process emotions privately, but also to share them with someone trustworthy. Learn to identify Emotions so you know when you’re experiencing them (no denial). Give yourself permission to experience them all, without judgment, finding healthy ways to handle them internally & then express them safely.

• You can experience emotions without violating your values, & continue pursuing your goals (actions), no matter what your feelings are (emotions). Being able to managing them well can let you do hard things when others might cop out

Know your I variation
<—– Introverts (& Es too) come in different ‘natural flavors’, as well as the way the 4 MBTI levels combine, in different proportions & orders of preference for each Type —–>
EXP: The order of preference for an ISTJ if their ‘stack’, based on the 2 middle levels, from strongest to least ‘natural’ (More….)
And be sure you know the difference between I-ness & insecurity. Confident people are: comfortable with their traits & abilities,  knowing they’re generally liked – which has nothing to do with being E or I

Identify Cognitive Distortions (CDs)
Is are just as susceptible to distorted thinking as Es, which has nothing to do with temperament. If you’re prone to be emotionally flooded because of CDs, such as B & W thinking, personalizing, catastrophizing, over-generalizing…..you can be held back in life. Learn about them, notice when they crop us, & then correct them, a little at a time

NEXT: I Growth (#2)

MBTI Type – INFJ

   PREVIOUS: INFP

 

 

The INTROVERTS

👠 👠 👠

INFJThe PROTECTOR/ Confidant / Counselor
Introvert-iNtuitive-Feeling-Judging

❤︎ Most Contemplative, reflective

(1.5% world-wide) (1.3% ♂︎  // 1.6% ♀︎)  The Perfectionistic humanitarian // Muse

NATURAL: An inspiration to others
GOAL: to Analyze.

INFJs are sensitive, original & quietly forceful, more likely to be individualistic, rather than a leader or follower. They’re able to develop a clear vision of how to best serve the common good, then are organized and decisive in how they choose to implement this vision, tending to stick to things until they’re done.

They’re conscientious, with a well-developed value systems which they’re strictly committed to, & are well-respected for their perseverance in doing the right thing.

They’re curious to understand other people’s motives, & generally have great insight into them.They look for meaning in the connections between people, ideas & things.  INFJs are idealistic, wanting to inspiring others, who often try to find a shared vision for everyone & come up with new ways to achieve the vision.  (More…)

They’re : anxious, compassionate, complicated, creative, empathetic, idealistic, introspective, an eloquent speaker/ writer, quietly caring, paradoxical, patient, sensitive, a visionary, understanding

Hidden side : While their NF ‘righteousness’ usually compels them to be open & honest, they can be surprisingly clever & manipulative, from a knack for knowing what people want (& don’t want) to hear. They’re masters at keeping their friends close & enemies closer.

They’re the most cerebral of the Feeling types. So while many INFJs are spiritual, their aptitude for coming to conclusions with little or no evidence doesn’t come from any mystical source. Instead it’s from a constant but unconscious analysis of tiny details that most others completely miss, & which they themselves have trouble explaining

• Life’s Purpose : To guide those who are lost.
• Their Law : You shall always listen to my advice.
• They Comfort others by saying: It’s not your fault, you don’t deserve to feel this way.

• They Say : . These rules don’t benefit me, so I’m making up my own. I want to see my ideas be accepted & applied.  ….it’s fine.
Catchphrase : Do unto others as you would have them do unto you

Communication : Advice – We don’t need to talk about every emotion. They won’t start the conversation. They’ll just watch you, from afar

Weaknesses : Extremely private, over-doing sensory activities, convinced they’re right even when evidence proves otherwise, too quiet,
Manipulate : Secretly meddle in your affairs because they know what’s best for you – more than you do

Paradoxes : Confident AND overbearing. Help everyone else BUT can’t help themselves. Strong BUT fragile
Value: soul mates       • Fear : of being hated

Judge people by: their selfishness
Are Judged for : making others feel that their emotions are invalid

Become STRESSED from situations shown in illustration.  They either go all adrenaline rush or total paralysis

Under stress (Melancholy-Phlegmatic) INFJs tend to withdraw from reality into a fantasy world, which gradually gains importance as they become dissatisfied with their real life & the people in it.
While fulfilling the demands of their outer commitments, they’re secretly critical, the feel that their imaginary world & its characters are more important than the anything real.

In these circumstances they’ll feel physically stressed & intensely angry, with an obsessive focus on certain details and a tendency to over-indulge.

They can end up living almost exclusively in their imagination, resist reality with a defensive attitude, feeling like a misfit. They’ll spend enormous amounts of time falling into their deepest hidden fantasies & emotions. In this state, they might be attracted to seriously defective people & environments which they’re convinced will truly understand & appreciate them

Hate : being forced, being misunderstood, unfairness, surrounded by conflict, pretentious people, anyone intentionally limited, going to funerals, being so effected by someone flirting with them, asking for help because it make them feel like they’re burdening others

Don’t argue with an INFJ while they’re holding : a grudge
Never : antagonize them   • Never tell them : “You’ll never do anything meaningful with your life”

GROWTH
Advice : What you think is good for someone isn’t necessarily what they actually need.

INFJs may come across as too individualistic (“different”), private or mysterious, doing their thinking in a vacuum, which results in unrealistic ideas that are hard to verbalize

INFJs ican best help themselves by finding a way to bring their artistic vision & intuitive insights to light. By learning to express their rich imagination in a way that others can understand & appreciate, they become psychologically liberated, as well as integrated into the world. Artistic pursuits bring a great benefit to INFJs, offering an appropriate outlet for their deep emotions

INFJ Relationships
YOU : have a gift to intuitively understand human relationships & complex meanings, as well as emphatically understanding partner’s emotions. Others see you as mysterious since they you tend to share you internal intuitions only with those you truly trust. Your relationship superpower is Sensitivity.

Thrive in any that are: complex & intellectually challenging

• As a friend, you’re always to one reading a book, or listening to everyone’s problems, the one who needs a week ahead of a hang-out to mentally prepare – & then spend all the ‘fun’ time discussing the Universe & meaning of life

Annoyed when: someone acts like you emotions are invalid

INFJ Parent / child of INFJ parent, INFJ child  (ALSO….)

Still single because : you’re tailor-made for the ‘friend-zone’
Unhealthy behavior : stalking your S.O.’s social media at 3am

Show interest by: hiding it – they won’t know & never will!
Show love : empathize, are understanding, offer emotional & moral support

• You want to hear : I’m here for you
• You’re attractive/sexy because : being naturally refined & elegant, you have a peaceful presence, mysterious & wise. People want to get into you head & know what you know

• You should date : someone who cares about you as much as you care about them, will never take you for granted, lets you be yourself even if they don’t get you completely, who you can trust, & will never intentionally hurt you

To attract you : they need to be one big walking paradox. They should look deep into your eyes & say “I need you” to help figure themselves out (Your turn-on)

• Some famous INFJ: Shirley Temple Black, Martin Luther King, Jr, Nelson Mandela, Tom Selleck, Billy Crystal, Mark Harmon

NEXT: Introvert Growth #1

MBTI Type – INFP

 

PREVIOUS: INTJ

SITE:  Many fun lists of ‘names’ for the 16 types  ++ other info

 

The INTROVERTS

👠 👠 👠

INFP – The HEALER / Clarifier / Harmonizer
Introvert-iNtuitive-Feeling-Perceiving

❤︎ Most Idealistic

(4.4% world-wide) (4.1% ♂︎ //  4.6% ♀︎) The Angsty poet

NATURAL: Performing noble service to aid society
GOAL: to Dream.

INFPs are reflective & idealistic, interested in serving humanity, with a well-developed, strongly-held value system which they strive to live up to. They’re adaptable & laid-back unless those values are threatened.

Being highly intuitive about people, they enjoy helping others’ inner development to reach their full potential, & are extremely loyal to people who are important to them.
Mentally quick, able to see possibilities, they like coming up with creative solutions to problems. Usually excellent writers.

Their polite, reserved exterior can make them hard to know – at first. However they do enjoy conversation, taking particular delight in the unusual. When in a sociable mood, their humor & charm shine through. Disposed to like people & avoid conflict, they tend to make pleasant company. (More….)

They’re : contained, creative, flexible, full of wonder, have strong personal values, imaginative, intense, non-directive, opinionated, quirky, reflective, reserved with people, seek inner order & peace

Hidden side : Often regarded as frivolous daydreamers, they can be shockingly practical, seeing the value of using time & resources wisely. So they have no time for anything that’s irrelevant to their causes, projects or ideals. In a society where E-J behavior is the norm, INFPs are just as busy & functional, but their motivation is internal, & projects are usually personal, not social.

They’re not as pleasant as most sites claim. Many INFPs are harshly judgmental towards people & things they experience as violating their values. Though they usually don’t say anything, they’ll easily ignore anyone who doesn’t meet their standards – without giving it a second thought or consider the real reasons others have for their position.

• Life’s Purpose : Heal those who are hurting
• Their Law : You shall always love yourself
• They Comfort others by saying: You’ve got so much potential, just keep your head up!

• They Say : I’m completely unaware that rules exist, & (I’m worried about) don’t know why everyone seems so stressed. Why can’t everyone just get along??!!
Catchphrase : It’s better travel hopefully than to arrive

Communication : Advice – Stop talking about bumblebeesupercumberwho….. They probably won’t start a conversation unless you share their interest – or, unless they’re sure you want to talk to them specifically

Weaknesses : Too idealistic, loss of confidence, martyr attitude, can’t decide what they want,
Manipulate : show high moral standards AND are a proudly victimized emo, timid BUT brave

Paradoxes : Detached dreamer AND hyper-emotional. Tons of dreams BUT no practical realization
Value:       • Fear : of a life without harmony

Judge people by: their values
Are Judged for : seeming to be fake

Become STRESSED from situations shown in illustration. They diligently ignore a problem until it’s too big to manage

Under stress (pure Sanguine or Supine) INFPs usually dislike conflict & trend to be passive-aggressive when experiencing frustration or dissatisfaction. They’re deeply dedicated to being their ‘true self’, in the extreme avoiding anyone or anything that doesn’t fit in with their inner value system, becoming intolerant a& hard to please.

In these circumstances they’ll be cynical, depressed, aggressive & prone to acute self-doubt. As stress increases, they can get extremely whimsical & stubborn, insisting on acting on feelings, while ignoring the logical implications & consequences of their actions. Also, they’re inclined to use their self-focus as a standard for all relationships & situations in their lives, sticking only to what reinforces their self-image, & reject everything else

Hate : stereotypes, feeling overwhelmed, sneaky-amoral-manipulative thinking, being left by a loved one, conflict, feeling invalidated, lack of imagination, having to be too logical & objective, debates that don’t include social justice,  asking for help because they want to do it their way

Don’t argue with an INFP while they’re holding : you hostage
Never :  trap them   • Never tell them : “What you just said doesn’t matter”

GROWTH
Advice : Just act on your passion – nothing’s an excuse unless you make it so.

INFPs may struggle to speak up in meetings, leading others to assume they don’t care or have nothing to contribute, which makes it hard to convince others of the value of their ideas.

INFPs can help themselves by accepting they don’t need to resist or fight reality to fulfill their unique vision. Instead, it’s better to accept things as they really are & take advantage of opportunities to build the life they dream of. They need to learn to see all the possibilities without trying to filter them as right or wrong – living in reality instead of trying to change it or ignore it.

INFP Relationships
YOU : tends to be selective & reserved about sharing your deepest feelings & values, which can sometimes make you hard to understand. You’re seen by family & friends as sensitive and introspective. Your relationship superpower is Support.

Thrive in any that are: deeply romantic & intimate

• As a friend, you the super quiet one in a group, but crazy with 1 or 2 good friends, always deep & introspective, who’ll listen to someone all day or all night. And when you do give advice, it’s totally on point, like you’re channeling  the person’s inner self

Annoyed with: anyone you think is a fake

INFP Parent / child of INFP parent, INFP child   (ALSO….)

Still single because : you’re the ‘friend’ type
Unhealthy behavior : say ‘I love you’ on the first date

Show interest : you’re confusing & slow. By the time they figure it out, you’ll like someone else
Show love by : coordinating their needs, offer analysis, advice & help

• You want to hear : I believe in you
• You’re attractive/sexy because : you’re full of romance, feel so deeply & passionately. You seem so vulnerable, off in a dream world, & people wish they could be there with you

• You should date : someone who keep you grounded, show you reality, can be your anchor, is completely dependable, can protect you if needed, but also show how to protect yourself, help you modify expectations, & always works to impress you

To attract you : they have to act like they have a deep broody secret they’re too guarded to let out. Then you won’t eat or sleep until you’ve gotten thru their wall (Your turn-on)

• Some famous  INFP: Helen Keller, Carl Rogers, Dick Clark, Neil Diamond, James Taylor, JFK, Lisa Kudrow, Scott Bakula

NEXT: INFJ

MBTI Type – INTJ

PREVIOUS: INTP

 

The INTROVERTS

👠 👠 👠

INTJThe SCIENTIST / Strategist / Mastermind
Introvert-iNtuitive-Thinking-Judginging

🛠 Most Independent

( 2.1% world-wide) (3.3% ♂︎ //  0.8% ♀︎)  The Badass mastermind // Iconoclast

NATURAL: Everything has room for improvement
GOAL: to Criticize.

INTJs are independent, determined & competent. They’re natural leaders, although usually keeping to the background until they see a real need to take over, & who will follow another if they trust an existing authority. They place a high value on knowledge & structure, & when committed, are capable of organizing a job & carrying it through to the end.  hey have very high standards for their own performance, & that of others.

Original thinkers, they’re often able to define a compelling, long-range vision, & driven to gather meaning from their ideas, come up with innovative solutions to complex problems. Their analytical mind can easily see patterns in external events & then explain them thoroughly, coupled with an exceptional ability to turn theories into solid plans of action.

INTJs spend a lot of time inside their own minds, usually with little interest in other people’s thoughts or feelings, quick to express judgments. With very evolved intuitions, they’re often convinced they’re right about things. (More…)

They’re : analytical, calculated, caring, driven, efficient, knowledgeable, innovative, skeptical, straightforward, strategic, theoretical, need to be competent, need things ‘my way’, see world as a chessboard

Hidden side : They fiercely believe in free will, but aren’t stubborn. If they learn the value of something they previously resisted, they can do a complete 180 – quite often – because of their tendency to analyze things for a long time. They’re more aesthetically oriented than other Thinking types, & can be quite whimsical, though it may not always show

While they can seem cold, they’ll quickly defrost for a cause or something they relate to. They can be quite compassionate to people & things that are misunderstood, urging others to look beyond biases at facts & circumstances. While their thinking is very independent, they usually don’t mind (even prefer) helping & being helped, because of their keen understanding of everyone’s limitations

• Life’s Purpose : To be objective in a sea of subjectivity.
• Their Law : You shall always be like Newton.
• They Comfort others by saying: Are those….tears? Holy moly!

• They Say : I’ve found all the inconsistencies in the rules, so I consider them void. I look to the future rather than the past. …. just Stop.
Catchphrase : Hope for the best & prepare for the worst

Communication : Advice – Stop talking about you being the smartest. They won’t start a conversation, & may ‘look’ angry. They’re probably not, but still…. approach with caution.

Weaknesses : Can be arrogant, extreme anger, misanthropy, too apathetic toward others,
Manipulate : Never have time for anything because they’re always ‘busy’ with work (by whatever definition) & don’t argue, because they’re ‘always right’

Paradoxes : Visionary AND arrogant. Everything planned BUT nothing solidified. Confident BUT insecure
Value: Vision           • Fear : of losing their skill

Judge people by: their competence
Are Judged for : being an idiot

STRESSED by situations in illustration. They design a universal procedure that will solve their problem for all time

Under stress (Melancholy-Choleric) INTJs live too much in their mind, mostly disregarding physical & emotional needs. Therefore, love & romantic relationships can take them by surprise, the intensity of their own emotions being what causes their distress.
They may feel out of control, restless & tormented, so respond to these emotions by dismissing them, turning them into abstract, theoretical principles that don’t connect to objective reality

In these circumstances they can feel physically stressed & intensely angry, with an obsessive focus on certain details, & a tendency to over-indulge. Idealizing their own complex concepts & ideas, they fail to recognize the importance of relationships with peers, managing to isolate themselves from their emotional & physical self, as well as world around them. They become ‘misunderstood’ loners, cryptic & enigmatic to everyone else.

Hate : ignorance, misinformation, subjectivity, flippant attitude, overly-dramatic people, being ordered around, being injured or diseased, feeling stupid, someone who keeps making ridiculous jokes while the INTJ is trying to be serious, asking for help because it make them feel incompetent

Don’t argue with an INTJ while they’re holding : all the cards
Never : control them     • Never tell them : “You’re not as smart as you think you are”

GROWTH
Advice : Take time off from work to explore new things, occasionally

When it comes to emotional satisfaction, INTJs simply are out of their element. They can come across as cold and distant when focusing on the task at hand, & miss recognizing or appreciating the contributions of others.  They can find it hard to engage in social conversations, & tend to too reserved, not giving as much praise or intimate support as those around you would like

INTJs need to try to organize their esoteric perceptions and highly intuitive mental constructs, by applying some form of general logic to them and render them comprehensible to the world. They need to become more grounded into reality & start to appreciate & give the proper importance to material practicality as well

INTJ Relationships
YOU : take commitments very seriously, prepared to dedicate substantial energy & time into a relationship to make it work. Instead of falling head over heels, you first look for the qualities you admire. Embracing conflict instead of avoiding it, you can easily move on from a breakup. Your relationship superpower is Healthy Confrontation.

Thrive in any that are: stable & intellectual (What you needscroll down)

As a friend, you’re the MENSA one who sometimes rubs it in everyone’s face, but because you’re so fascinating – they don’t mind, the sarcastic one who’s quiet, but gives occasional death glares

Annoyed with: anyone who’s an idiot

INTJ Parent / child of INTJ parent, INTJ child    (ALSO…)

Still single because : you’re arrogant and socially inept
Unhealthy behavior : plan your wedding on the first date

Show interest by : being stalkerish
Show love : being affectionate, giving time, advice, analysis….

• You want to hear : I’m in awe of you
• You’re attractive/sexy because : you’re observant, meticulous, work hard & play harder. You seem both fully present & other-worldly – & people find your mysterious detachment intriguing

• You should date : someone very smart, who can force you to live in the moment, can force you to accept your emotions without trying to ‘understand’ them, can help you experience passion without logic but will listen to your logic-rants without falling asleep

To attract you : they need to present you with a completely new way of thinking about something you’d already decided on. It’ll shake your foundation but win your admiration (Your turn-on)

• Some famous INTJ : Chevy Chase, Raymond Burr, Richard Gere, Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama, Rudy Giuliani, Stephen Hawking, Ayn Rand, Isaac Asimov, Al Gore, Bill Gates

NEXT: INFP

MBTI Type – INTP

PREVIOUS: ISFJ

SITEs: I vs. E BRAINS & their different chemistry

 


The INTROVERTS

👠 👠 👠

INTP – The THINKER / Engineer / Designer
Introvert-iNtuitive-Thinking-Perceiving

🛠 Most Conceptual

( 3.3% world-wide) (4.8% ♂︎ //  1.8% ♀︎) The Absentminded professor

NATURAL: A love of problem-solving
GOAL : to Research.

INTPs are original, logical & mentally creative, getting very excited about ideas & theories – valuing logic, knowledge & practical competence. They think strategically, able to build conceptual models to help understand complex problems.

They have an emotionally detached & cognitively concise way of analyzing the world, & often figure out new or innovative approaches to problems. They’re exceptionally capable & driven to turn theories into useful, understandable procedures. They search for the universal law behind everything they see, trying want to understand the unifying themes of life, in all its complexity.

They’re quiet, reserved, & can be hard to get to know well. They spend much of their time focused internally, are individualistic, uninterested in either leading or following others.  (More…)

They : challenge others to think, have a high need for competency, are calm, confident, detached, independent, ingenious, innovative, intellectual, logical, quirky, oblivious, skeptical, socially cautious

Hidden side : Their socially-awkward stereotype comes from over-thinking situations, rather than ‘keeping it simple’. They care a great deal about what others think of them & theirs, & out of all the NTs, they’re probably the best team players.

They’re not wishy-washy, just extremely skilled at picking their battles. They can argue a lot – for its own sake, but it wears them out more than they’ll let on. They may pretend not to care about gossip or “SAP“, but secretly find it irresistible

• Life’s Purpose : To seek out that which is unknown.
• Their Law : You shall always procrastinate.
• They Comfort others by saying: Okay…Okay… How can we fix this?

• They Say : I’ve found a way to bend every rule. I prize intelligence in myself & others. ….but….actually….uh….
Catchphrase : every Why has a Wherefore

Communication : Advice – Meowing doesn’t count as talking. They might start a conversation, although if they’re busy with something, they may not notice others

Weaknesses : Second-guess themselves, forgetting things, slowness, too often lost inside their own head,
Manipulate : Can’t remember anything about anyone because all available space is filled with video-game lore

Paradoxes : Calculating AND uncaring. Brilliant with facts AND stupid about life. Smart BUT naive
Value: intellect          • Fear : of intimacy

Judge people by: their knowledge
Are Judged for : continually asking others why they’re upset

STRESSED by situations in illustration. They never do anything, in spite of understanding the situation.

Under stress  – INTPs are likely to be very critical of other’s expectations & demands, while at the same time unconsciously craving affection & appreciation.

Their thinking can get complicated & speculative, ignoring objective reality, & start living according to their own subjective interpretation of the facts. In extreme circumstances they’ll feel alienated, upset & prone to whingeing & hypersensitivity.

As frustration grows, INTPs may develop various phobias & worrying about their physical health & the effect their environment can have on it – masking unacknowledged emotional neediness. In this state, they might try to limit anything unfamiliar in their lives, as well as making a fuss around their theories & being oversensitive to other people’s attitudes & opinions of them

Hate : lack of intelligence, invalidating their ideas, scientific stagnation, overly serious people, being too emotional, someone who’s offended by everything the INTP says, falling thru the air (skydiving?) asking for help because it make them feel incompetent

Don’t argue with an INTP while they’re holding : you accountable
Never : dismiss them
Never tell them : “Nothing you’ve made is special”

GROWTH
Advice
: Having many interest is no excuse for not mastering any

INTPs may struggle to work in teams, especially with others who they see as illogical or insufficiently task-focused. Ironically, they themselves may have no clear sense of direction, overlooking important facts or practical details.

INTPs may benefit from realizing that being impersonal & detached from their circumstances doesn’t mean they’re being objective or realistic. Everyone is dependent on others to a certain extent, & no one can have full control over their life al the time.
Realizing they’re part of a larger scheme of reality – where everything and everyone eventually interconnects – may help INTPs relax, to be open to new possibilities & relationships.

INTP Relationships
YOU : can be tolerant of a wide range of behavior but fail to consider how your style of expressing ideas can effect others. Family & friends   see you as someone who values autonomy & independence.  Your relationship superpower is Bravery.

Thrive in any that are: honest & understanding

• As a friend, you never initiate hanging out but are totally available – as long as someone’s ready to talk science or conspiracy theories, the other sarcastic one (like INTJ) who doesn’t answer any Qs unless there about chemistry

Annoyed when: someone keeps asking you why you look so upset

INTP Parent / child of INTP parent, INTP child   (ALSO….)

Still single because : you prefer blow-up dolls
Unhealthy behavior : only express emotions in text

Show interest by : intense trolling
Show love : being considerate about their needs, offer advice & help

• You want to hear : I’ll leave you alone
• You’re attractive/sexy because : you’re low-key & dreamy, & something about you independence & aloofness is so intriguing that it makes others want to know what you’re thinking – in anything.

• You should date : someone who can can make you feel valued & smart, keep you grounded & teach you to live in the moment, can help you open up to & be OK with emotions, & keep you from using logic to ‘understand’ them

To attract you : they need to take the initiative, again & again, until you even notice their existence. Then they have to try again.
(Your turn-on)

• Some famous INTPs : Einstein, Thomas Jefferson, Descartes, Darwin, Marie Curie, Jung, Socrates, Abraham Lincoln

NEXT: INTJ

MBTI Type – ISFJ

PREVIOUS: ISFP

 

INTROVERTS

👠 👠 👠

ISFJ – The SUPPORTER / Curator / Protector
Introvert-Sensing-Feeling-Judging

🌺 Most Loyal

(13.8% world-wide) (8.1% ♂︎ //  19.4% ♀︎) The Polite caretaker // Philanthropist

NATURAL: A high sense of duty
GOAL
: to Harmonize.

ISFJs are quiet, stable & practical, valuing security & traditions. Characteristically humble and unassuming, they rarely call attention to themselves. Typically involved in social groups, but not wanting the spotlight, they’re more likely to be found behind the scenes, working diligently to fulfill their role.

With a rich inner world, keen observers of people, they’re highly attuned to the feelings of others. Being conscientious & committed to meeting their obligations, they tend to put the needs of others ahead of their own. They’re oriented to relationships, but can be reserved with new people, are compassionate listeners, and typically remember details about people. They often enjoy hearing the facts of someone’s life in the process of making a connection.

ISFJs have a well-developed sense of space & function, being patient people who apply common sense & experience to solving problems for other people, usually very interested in finding ways to be of practical service. (More….)

They’re : accountable, easy to collaborate with, dependable, empathetic, friendly, grounded, patient, respectful, sacrifice readily, shallow, talkative, traditional, work behind the scenes, understanding, unique

 

 Hidden side : They’re more open-minded than they seem. While extremely cautious with strangers, they’re willing to try understanding others, regardless of differences.
They’re the most fantasy-prone of any Sensing type, with a love for lore & literary analysis – as a way for them to keep in touch with traditions

They’re a lot more laid back than most profiles say, & some ISFJs have a tendency to give up on things they should keep at, while sticking to things they should give up on.
They take what they do very seriously, but also need a lot of downtime, being highly sensitive to sensory & social input

• Life’s Purpose : Help those who are helpless.
• Their Law : You shall always take care of your family.
• They Comfort others by saying: I’m really sorry. Is there anything I can do to make it better?

• They Say : These rules suck! Only a fool goes along with them! I’m very dependable. …. no, no, it’s okay.
Catchphrase : There’s no place like home

Communication : Advice – Stop talking about taking care of someone. They might talk to others, but they’re rather shy, so they have to be approached. It’s worth it.

Weaknesses : Take things too personally, being less efficient, too stressed /paranoid,
Manipulate : Passive-aggressive guilt-trip you so you feel obligated to go along with their micro-managing

Paradoxes : Mostly consistent. Understanding AND lonely. Imaginative BUT grounded
Value: Safety            • Fear : of being dismissed

Judge people for: their selfishness
Are Judged for : belittling others’ emotions

STRESSED by situations in illustration.
They 🎤 : Move %*#-, get out of my way!

Under stress (Phlegmatic-Melancholy) ISFJs have the tendency to lose themselves in emotional & moral commitments, seeing themselves as indispensable to & an intrinsic part of the cause they’re identified with.
At this point they can become self-sacrificing martyrs whose only purpose is the happiness & well-being of others. They can end up in bad relationships where they’re willingly being used & put in a service-oriented position

In extreme circumstances they’ll become accusatory & pessimistic, tending to think the worst & shut down.  As their stress increases they begin to cling to others, trying to keep them attached by undermining their independence, but offering them unconditional care & support instead.
At the same time, ISFJs hide their own feelings & vulnerabilities, unconsciously building more frustration. They can become intolerant about whatever doesn’t fit their view of life, rejecting reality, even fiction that doesn’t agree with their values of feelings & purpose.

Hate : being misunderstood, pretentious & unfairness, being chased, inconsiderate people, not fitting in, not sharing, making tough decisions affecting others, an overly cocky bad-boy (who she eventually marries 🙀), asking for help because it make them feel like they’re burdening others

Don’t argue with ISFJ while they’re keeping : a promise
Never : neglect them   • Never tell them : “I wish you wouldn’t talk to me or try to help me

GROWTH
Advice : There’s a line between being nice & being a doormat.

ISFJs may be overly cautious, not always considering the logical consequences of their decisions. They can lack assertiveness, & risk basing their decisions on what they think will please others.

ISFJs can benefit from learning to discover, understand & fulfill their own needs, the same way they do for others. They need to assess their opinions & goals against reality, & gauge the strength of their commitments, to keep them balanced & reasonable.

ISFJ Relationships
YOU : are generally dependable, make a good ‘caretaker’, are committed to your partners, friend & groups you belong to. You honor commitments & like to preserve traditions. Your relationship superpower is Listening.

Thrive in any that are: stable & long-lasting

• As a friend, you’re the undying loyal one who’s like a good grandparent, the one who plans the party, is there, oversees it, talks to everyone, cleans up, goes home – & them obsesses about not having done it perfectly

Annoyed with: anyone who belittles your emotions

ISFJ Parent / child of ISFJ parent, ISFJ child  (ALSO….)

Still single because : too much of a ‘safe’ option to others
Unhealthy behavior : giving a $100 1-week anniversary gift

Show interest by : lots of little looks & smiles
Show love by : taking care of practical needs, do little nice things to help

• You want to hear : I appreciate you
• You’re attractive/sexy because : you have a tender heart but also a hidden strength. You radiate an intense love of sensuality, with that smitten smile & discreet charm, that makes them melt

• You should date : someone who can force you to relax & practice self-care, can teach you to worry less & go with the flow, who enjoys you taking care of them

To attract you : they need to act like a super-hero/heroin BUT who also needs you to take care of them. You’ll jump at the chance to nurture their reckless spirit (Your turn-on)

• Some famous ISFJ : Kristi Yamaguchi, Johnny Carson, Laura Bush, Kate Middleton, Rosa Parks, Princess Mary of Denmark, King George VI, Mother Teresa

NEXT: INTP