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So far, there are close to 100 topics, & almost 900 posts.

To make finding a subject a little easier, I’ve listed them all alphabetically with year & month – in a chart in TOPICS, found at the top of the Home page.
Once you’ve found the topic you’re interested in, go back to the MENU, click on the appropriate year & scroll to the month.


2. New INVENTORY Form (by DMT)
This is part of the post “What to do when Confused – #5” , July 2016
Venn Diagram chart
to get an overview of where you stand on any aspect of your life right now
You can make the chart into a collage, use the computer or just free-hand it on a large sheet of paper

The biggest circle (Spirituality) is the background to our whole life.

EACH person’s Diagram will look different.
If you’re ambitious or curious, you can make one for where you were 10 or 20 yrs ago, as a comparison.

• Think about all the areas of your life that will go on the chart, & decide their relative importance to you at present. Change or add any not listed.
Draw / cut the size circle for each topic as it relates to their current importance

• Play with the positions of circles…. change them around until the chart feels right. Place them close to, overlapping or far away from each other, depending on how they connect in real life

• Label circles, & draw lines to form pie wedges in each one.
— You decide how many lines (slices) based on how many problems & victories for each – you’ll probably have to guess-timate

: each slice represents an issue related to the circle’s topic
EXP: re. $$$ – keeping track of spending, get an IRA, have separate accounts, update checkbook, curb compulsive spending, pay old debts……

a. Filled in slices are any aspect of that topic you’re confident you have a good handle on (never perfectly)
No longer use drugs & alcohol

b. Zig-zag (or cross hatch) slices are aspects you’re still working on but making progress. The degree of progress in one may be different than in another slice. Make zig-zag density accordingly
EXP: Get to places on time more often

AND THEN: Most likely there will always be one or more empty slices – representing:
c. Grey – things about a topic you know need correcting / to change, but are not ready or willing to tackle

d. Blank – problems & challenges about each topic you simply don’t know you need to work on – yet

Happy hunting! (for 💛 self-awareness & 💚 healing)


MBTI : INTROVERSION – Intro (Part 1)

PREVIOUS: E/I Anatomy #2

SITE: MBTI historical info

BOOK: “Introvert Guide to Self-love” – by Luna & Sol

Introversion is NOT isolation.
Dr. Carl Jung identified it as an “attitude type” (inborn), observing that Introversion & Extroversion are both healthy variations in personality style. (See earlier posts)

DEF: Introverts (Is) are both energized & rested by drawing energy from their own thoughts & feelings, comfortable with solitary activities, & so place less emphasis on ‘people skills’ & talking. They perform well in analytical roles that require focus & logic.

Based on Jonathan Cheek’s research, there are 4 styles of Introversion:
• Social: Prefer to stay at home with quiet activities, or hang out with a few close friends instead of events with lots of strangers (NOT shyness)
• Thinking: Very introspective, thoughtful & self-reflective, highly creative, often daydreamers with a rich imagination. Occasionally don’t mind a busy social scene
• Reserved: Operate at a slower pace, think before acting, careful decision-makers & take time to start things

• Anxious: Not confident in social settings, often worried about what could go wrong (projecting). Painful shy around others, especially strangers or with new people. Nor does the anxiety always go away when they’re alone, because later they obsess about how they ‘failed’

EDITORIAL: Since Is are naturally wired a specific way, the last type may actually be one of the other 3, but wounded in childhood. Introversion does not by itself cause dysfunction!

Interesting: Researchers discovered that Introverted participants who acted like Es – when taking cognitive tests – had slower reaction times than Is who were being themselves. The effort & time they wasted trying to be something they’re not naturally wired for – was distracting & depleting. This especially applies to Is having to fake it for a long time. They can give themselves the freedom to be the way they’re ‘built’, even if the rest of the world keeps trying to mold them into Es.

Misleading: Many illustrations & cartoons portray Is as awkward, misfits, fearful & unfriendly – all signs of emotional damage. Es often judge Is as isolators, but that’s caused by FoA, S-H & lack of Bs, not Introversion.
In fact – it’s not unusual for Is to be gregarious, helpful, charming, warm & prodigious talkers. It’s just that they need more alone-time than Es to recover from all that expended energy
)👁 👁(
Using the O.C.E.A.N inventory, National Institute on Aging researchers Paul Costa & Robert McCrae expanded on the Big 5 characteristics, to include 6 facets within each dimension.
Introverts high on:
1. Activity Level – like to take it easy, are laid back & react slowly as situations develop
2. Assertiveness – let others lead the way, stay in the background & keep their opinions to themselves. Really don’t like to be pushy or demanding

3. Excitement – need peace & quiet, perfectly happy with daily routines. They make better roommates or neighbors since they prefer a steady, quiet lifestyle
4. Gregariousness – are friendly but do just fine by themselves, avoid crowds, preferring quiet activities such as reading or reviewing their day

5. Positive emotion – are usually content without show it outwardly. They’re not as likely to express strong emotions, but feel them deeply
6. Warmth – are hard to get to know at first, & can feel uncomfortable around people they don’t know well. They hold back in social situations, waiting to be approached, but may be the most interesting ones around

Most Introverts (Is) were not accepted by family, school & friends, the majority of whom are Es & think typical Is are weird or disobedient. But if only someone had understood their basic traits & been willing to accept & encourage them, it would have fostered self-esteem & made life much easier.

Now we can use this info helps us better understand & accept our mates, friends, bosses…., but especially ourselves, so we can treat our WIC with greater clarity & compassion. And anyone who has an internally oriented son or daughter can help them flourish, no matter what age

• CHARTS : Illustrations That Are All Too Real For Is
posted by Anna Borges on BuzzFeed (8/12/15)



NEXT:  Introverts = Intro #2

MBTI – Introvert vs Extrovert ANATOMY (Part 2)


PREVIOUS: E/I anatomy #1

SITE: “How to read body language…”


Es = Extroverts
Is = Introverts

👁 👁 3. EYES
Some studies suggest that eyes of Es are drawn to warmer colors, like red & orange (exciting), while eyes of Is go toward cooler ones like blue & green (quiet). It may be related to Es finding their energy in activities, people & things, while Is are more energized from within.

There are 2 primary iris types – Jewel & Flower, modified by 2 secondary patterns – either Stream or Shaker. (longer descriptions). Personality styles are different for each, modified by other factors such as birth order, physical environment …..
Iris structure indicates a fundamental genetic tendency, rather than what someone has developed or learned throughout life. (shorter)

JEWEL: Thinking-oriented, analytical type // FLOWER: Feeling-oriented type
STREAM: Kinesthetic type  // SHAKER: Extremist or movement-oriented type

Using the structural indicators of a person’s heritage – irises of Is & Es were compared by looking at the ring of expression, based on variations in fiber density encircling the pupil. This physical ring suggests how far out from their core a person is psychologically willing to extend themselves (E vs I style), & how easy it is for others to pick up on their energy field.

For Extroverts – the ring is quite a distance from the pupil, (arrows), easily noticeable, showing a greater outward-orientation.
It’s considered a physical expression of the basic underlying E personality:
The wider the eye’s central aperture, the easier & ‘wider’ Es may express themselves, since they’re more likely to extend themselves to whoever’s nearby

With Introverts, the ring of expression is so close to the pupil that it’s much harder to find – one has to get very close & really focus to see it at all. This is considered a reflection of the I style – the tendency to be invisible – a familiar but irritating & perplexing condition (to Es). It’s especially noticeable in withdrawn ‘extreme introverts’. (see last ¶ in Part 1)

👍🏽 👎🏽 4. HANDS
Using the ‘BIG 5’ Dimensions, research exploring hand prints identified 6 different sets of ‘vertical’ patterns for Es & Is, consistent in both male & female groups. (Holland, 1992)
Recent studies have added a 7th vertical hand factor related to these dermato-glyphic lines, making it possible to separate all Es from all Is who were studied. Detailed phantom pictures made for the hand help to identify underlying biological mechanisms. (⬇ CHART info) (Also See Google Images)

NOTE that these finding represent averages – interesting but not definitive. EXP:  Based on the charts, this female ENFJ has • the long middle finger AND the head-line crease not quite touching the life-line of introverts, BUT • the wider palm width of extroverts & the relatively straight unconnected heart-line of ambiverts                                                      


EXTROVERT hand indicators
Shape: • Shorter palm width, relative to breadth
• Hi mount of moon vs. mount of venus
Fingers: • short, relative to palm breadth
• Low 2D:4D digit ratio (thumb to ring finger)
Lines: • Sharply curved upward heart-line crease
• Heart-line crease connected to life-line

INTROVERT hand indicators are the reverse.

👄 5. LANGUAGE / Talking
People communicate differently because of the longer vs shorter brain-blood-pathway, which can lead to forming the wrong conclusions about each other, causing many misunderstandings
Es tend to engage by jumping into conversation, without enough reflection. Is are more likely to take the time to think, which can make them seem ‘slow’ or stuck-up

Es talk more abstractly, (“This article is interesting / Lets get some food”). Most are spontaneous, moving quickly thru their life, so are not as verbally accurate or detailed. People scoring higher in extroversion tended to use more words having to do with relationships

• Is are more concrete (“This article is very informative / Maybe we could go for dinner”). They tend to be more cautious (with words like: perhaps, maybe…), use more articles (the/a) – which refer to objects or events rather than people, & more quantifiable terms (#s, dates, times….)

Re. learning a second language, Es have the upper hand because they’re more willing to push whatever they know to the limit. Unlike Is, they take more risks in using what they learn – more willing to make conversation in the new language, in & out of the classroom.


MBTI: E vs. I Brains – OVERVIEW


PREVIOUS: E vs I brains #3

SITE: ‘The Brain that changes itself” – Norman Daidge, M.D.


See SAME CHART from another source










Introverts & Extroverts have different levels of arousalmeaning the extent to which our minds & bodies are alert & responsive to stimulation

Es have a lower basic rate of arousal. They need to work harder to be up to the same ‘normal’ state that Is might reach quite easily, because Is‘ rate of arousal is much higher.

Hedonic tone ⬆️ is the degree of pleasantness or unpleasantness associated with a given subject, state or circumstance. Also known as positive or negative valence.


MBTI – Introvert vs Extrovert BRAINS (Part 2)


PREVIOUS: E vs I brains #1

SITE: Surprising Brain facts

Es = Extroverts   //   Is = Introverts

FACTORS re. biological differences between Introverted & Extroverted brains (cont.)

Blood in the brains of Es & Is travel on different pathways in response to a wide variety of stimulation. Each style uses a completely different neurotransmitter, which take a different amount of stops in the brain along the way to processing ideas, info, experiences, interactions….. These chemicals direct where the blood goes, & regulate how much of it flows to various centers, influencing what parts of the Central Nervous System (CNS) are turned ON.
✳ Extroversion is linked with energy-spending dopamine/ adrenaline, while Introversion is linked with energy-preserving acetylcholine.

Energizing: Dopamine (D) is the ‘activating’ transmitter which produces good feelings that come from social interaction, physical activities & passion. The D-system affects how we learn & respond to novelty. Setting off an external response, it motivates us to go after situations that are rewarding.

The amygdala & nucleus accumbens (which encode new motor skills) are important components of the brain’s D-reward response, responsible for processing emotional stimuli, & giving Es a rush when trying something highly exciting. And D’s sidekick Adrenalin makes more D when released from the sympathetic nervous system, needed for fight or flight reactions when we’re faced with real or assumed danger.

Calming: Acetylcholine (A) is the ‘inhibiting’ transmitter that also helps us feel good, but as a relaxing influence. When set off, it activates the parasympathetic nervous system, along with  the hypothalamus, providing an internal response that lets us slow down, to maintain or safeguard energy. A is like D’s alter ego, creating a sense of satisfaction & contentment, & plays a role in dreaming & imagination.

Acetylcholine fuels our ability to think deeply, reflect & focus for long periods of time on one thing. It rewards mental concentration by giving hits of ‘happiness’ – but not the charge of glucose & oxygen needed for physical energy.

Extroverts & D: Research has shown that Es have more Dopamine receptors in their brains (than Is), so they need much more of it to fill all those ‘slots’. More activity means producing more D, with then pushes Es to continue social interaction, activity & excitement.

Interesting: People born with a longer D-receptor gene are more likely to become thrill-seekers & adrenaline junkies – if stressed for too long.

Introverts & D: Is have fewer receptors in the brain (than Es) in the same area that generates D, the substantia nigraso they need a very specific limited level of dopamine, but a greater amount of acetylcholine – to be comfortable. A normal amount for Es will easily be too much for Is – which can eventually lead to agitation, depression, or mental illness if Is don’t get enough stress-relief

Both styles respond to incoming info from our activities registered in the spinal column (CNS).
From there, the I’s brain-path access memories or information. Es brain-path accesses mainly sensory info.

• For Es, when activities stimulate their brain, it trigger a Dopamine-response. The pathway makes a 5-stop circuit (shorter & less complicated) which runs through areas where taste, touch, visual & auditory sensory processing take place. (D-functions….)

#2. Data from the RAS goes to the Hypothalamus (thirst/ appetite / temp) switching on the ‘Full Throttle’ system
#3. is a relay station amplifying the stimuli
#4. is the emotional center – & for Es
is associated with actions, the motor area being lit up
#5. connects movements to—> short-term memory access, to—> the center for learning, as well as processing sensory & emotional stimuli

• For Is, activities trigger Acetylcholine, needed to balance out any potential or actual overwhelm. It makes a 7-stop loop traveling through areas of the brain dealing with info, meaning, planning, remembering & problem solving. This uses 40% more energy than the extrovert-dopamine circuit. (A-functions….)

#1. Stimuli enter the RAS at the top of the brain stem –  less active in
#2. data is interpreted & the brain placed in ‘Throttle down’ mode
#3. is the relay station turning sensory signals down
#4. where speech & activates self-talk is planned
#5. selects, plans & chooses ideas or actions. Forms expectations & evaluates outcomes
#6. is for environmental awareness & info sent to long-term memory
#7. the emotional center where feelings are attached to thoughts

⬅ In high activity situations, the 2 styles are opposite because different brain areas are activated. NEXT: E & I body parts

MBTI – Introvert vs. Extrovert BRAINS (Part 1)

PREVIOUS: E vs I brains #1

SITEBRAIN BASICS: Know your brain
NeuroScupting – to relieve anxiety
• Lisa Wimberger Explains Neurosculpting

Es = Extroverts  // Is = Introverts

FACTORS: As already indicated in previous posts, no one is totally one extreme of the other.
However, there are very real biological differences between the brains of Introverted & Extroverted people. Advances in neuro-chemical research show they are more than just psychologists’ observations, but rather rooted in science. Several physiological components contribute to the overall variants.

1. The ARFS : In 1967 Hans Eysenck suggested that the disparity depends on our Ascending Reticular Formation System (ARFS) at the top of the brain stem. It connects the major nerves of the spinal column to the brain – sorting out millions of stimuli coming in every second – letting in the vital ones through, to alert the processing mind.

It’s purpose is to insure the brain receives an optimal amount of stimulation to be happy – at all times. We regulate that system by socializing. Too little & we’re bored, too much & we’re overwhelmed. Is already have a fairly high level of brain-stimulation, so it doesn’t take as much external activity to be satisfied. Es start out with a lower level of stimulation, so need a lot more social interaction to feel good.

So, behavioral differences between Es & Is are due to predispositions in cortical arousal – the speed & amount of the brain’s activity. External circumstances together with these predispositions determine how a person responds to their experiences.

In Es the ARFS is ‘tight’, (Low arousal) making them less reactive to events, making them crave more input. (More….)
For Is the ARFS is wide open & so processes more incoming info per second (High arousal). Their risk is getting too much input, which drains them. EXP: Is are more likely to have ADHD because of a higher sedation threshold. 

Interesting: Some consider the ARFS the gateway to consciousness – an awareness of Self & one’s environment. If we mentally form a clear intention about something we want (specific goal, dream, need….), it is automatically programmed to filter for it!  BUT, damage to it from long-term over-stimulation (constant trauma) causes PTSD.

2. BRAIN QUADRANTS: The specialization differences between Front (Cerebral mode) & Back (Limbic mode) is much more pronounced than the differences between the Left & Right. Most of the areas that initiate action & speech are in the front, while the back gathers & processes data. (More def…) (4 Types def…)

Left & Right quads control different aspects of thought & action:
L1 = Working memory. Rational Self: analytical, defining, factual, prioritizing
L2 = Participation. Safekeeping self: experiencing, detailed, maintaining, organized, structural

R1 = Assimilation. Experimental self: conceptual, envisioning, interpreting, strategic & unorthodox
R2 = Motivation. Feeling self: harmonizing, interpersonal, relating, sensitive, social.

3. BLOOD FLOW – Front vs Back
Blood flow to any area of the body indicates its activation. A 1999 study focused on the differences between Es & Is, done by carefully measuring the cerebral blood flow in both groups, using PET scans. It found that:

• Introverts have more blood flow to their frontal lobes & anterior thalamus – causing more neuronal activity – than Es – the front of their brain highly stimulated by solitary activities – encouraging an inward focus.
Also, their premotor cortex absorbs external stimuli more quickly – more info coming in faster can flood the brain if not regularly processed. This may explain why Is need more private reflection-time, to analyze ideas & think things through.

• Extroverts get more blood flow to their temporal lobes, posterior (rear) thalamus & anterior (front) cingulate gyrus – mainly back of brain areas involved with interpreting sensory data, giving them an outward focus.

Interesting: A 2012 study of the prefrontal cortex (Fp), a highly complex brain region associated with abstract thought & decision-making, found that:
• People who identify as Is tend to have larger & thicker gray matter in certain areas
of the Fp, possibly because they devote more neural resources to abstract pondering.
• Es tend to have thinner gray matter in those same Fp areas, perhaps because they prefer to live in the moment (so they exercise other parts of the brain more).

NOTE: This is NOT a measure of intelligence but rather an indication of usage. Like our muscles, the more a body part is used the bigger it gets.

NEXT: E & I brains #2






SITE: Extra info per type experts don’t tell us



ENFJ – The GIVER / Teacher / Advocate

Most PERSUASIVE – “Personal cheerleader”
• 1.6% males, 3.3% females

GOAL: To express. 
ENFJs have excellent people skills, believing in ‘people possibilities’ – with a real concern for how others think & feel.  Preferring to ignore unpleasantness, they see everything from the human angle, instead of through impersonal analysis. Interested in being of service, they tend to place the needs of others over their own.

Popular, sensitive & loyal, they’re responsive to both praise & criticism. Externally focused, they usually don’t want to be alone, & so can neglect their need for down-time, although when on their own they may fall into negativity. However, they can also feel lonely when around others, because of hiding parts of themselves.

As leaders, they’re very effective at managing people, moderating group discussions, building consensus & being an inspiration. They see the potential in everyone, interested in helping others reach it. Highly responsible, they can get the most out of teams by working closely with them, & by making decisions that respect & take into account the values of others.

They’re : charismatic, collaborative, compassionate, driven, empathetic, idealistic, manipulative, passionate, supportive, talkative, warm.  And they don’t all want to interfere in your life. (More…)

Hidden Side
ENFJs tend to suffer from a poorer self-image than most E–Js. While their genuine concern for people is in their nature, over-focusing on others can be mislabeled as responsibility when it’s actually used to avoid dealing with their own problems. Coupling a hyper-altruistic tendency with a weaker Si (their Stack’s Tertiary Sensing function) can make a mess of their life, but because their Fe (Primary Feeling function) is image-focused, they tend to be very good at hiding it. And they’re easily prone to vices / addictions, contrary to their goody-2-shoes image painted by most MBTI profiles.

Life’s Purpose: Bring love where there is hate
• Their Law: You shall always fulfill your dreams
• They Comfort others by saying: What’s wrong? Tell me everything – I’m here for you

• They Say: Rules are great – they help us be better people. I am loyal to anyone or anything I respect & admire. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
• Communication:  They’ll definitely start the conversation, & probably guide it too.  They’re warm & encouraging, but can be a bit overbearing. They should stop saying YES.

Weaknesses:  Fluctuating self-esteem, overly idealistic, struggle to make tough decisions, too sensitive, too selfless
Manipulate: Keep on smiling while ‘handling’ others to do what they want them to think/do/feel – but not to worry, it’s for the greater good  🦊
Paradoxes: Totally caring for others, yet their own feelings are more important than anyone else’s. Altruistic and intrusive.
Judge people: by their selfishness  • Fear: not being able to help
• Are Judged for: not being able to see other people’s point of view

Become STRESSED from situations shown in the illustration
ENFJs are likely to be disappointed by relationships they worked so hard to build. They stop being enthusiastic & passionate about those around them, then feel guilty about it. Believing they’re letting their loved ones down, as well as losing themselves, they take over all responsibility, trying to use logic to solve problems.

They obsess about not being seen as empathetic & loving. Highly sensitive to rejection & criticism, they work hard to keep up appearances, while deep inside they feel depressed & joyless.

If the stress continues or increases, ENFJs can be pessimistic, rigid, & insensitive. Become obsessed with escaping their guilt, they impulsively, inappropriately vent bottled-up emotions. Some may even abandon their loved ones or communities altogether, in search of a more inspiring environment.

• Hate: Anyone being closed-off. Being cheated on or abandoned. Cruelty, disharmony, unfairness & people being socially marginalized. Someone being really mean, & the ENFJ realizing they don’t have a sad back-story as an excuse. Asking for Help, because they think they’ll be a burden

Don’t argue with ENFJs when they’re holding: A conversation
• Never antagonize them.   • Never tell them: Your friendship means nothing to me

Don’t assume that you know someone well – when trying to help.
ENFJs talk a lot, & may be discouraged if they don’t get a lot of feedback from others. They also expect everyone else to give as much to tasks as they do, but may overlook logical, factual realities when making decisions.

They find conflict & lack of consensus hard to deal with, so take on the burden of being responsible for others’ success or failure, which gets to be too much. They must work at letting go of control & guilt – permanently, especially when they can’t save someone – which is not the ENFJ’s fault. It’s best if they focus on themselves, since they already have all the intuition & info needed for personal growth.

ENFJs can reduce stress by cultivating their own identity apart from society’s expectations & predefined roles. By exploring & loving their own interests & potential, they become less concerned with public approval. Then they’ll be able to appreciate their considerable talents & gifts, & be open to a wider mix of people & experiences (More….) 

ENFJ Relationships
You quickly understand the emotions of others & focus on encouraging their growth. Partners & friends will see you as gracious, expressive & congenial.

• Thrive in any that: Encourage mutual personal growth (More...)
• As a Friend, you’re the one who’s never available because you’re busy talking to everyone else & doing favors for them

Annoyed when: someone can’t see your point of view

ENFJ Parent, child of ENFJ, ENFJ child

• Still single because: playing the mentor has taken all the mystery out
• Unhealthy behavior: Stalk your S.O.’s ex on social media at 3a.m.

Show interest by: Trying to be ‘perfect’ for them
Show Love: You give time & affection, want to process emotions, explore & grow –  together
• You want to hear: I’m with you

• You’re attractive/sexy because: you have a warm & uplifting spirit – you can’t be missed. Like the sun, you radiate certainty in yourself & your devotion to those you love make you incredibly attractive

• You should DATE someone who: can make you feel loved & cared for, who can take charge if necessary, & surprise you with romantic gestures.

• To attract you someone needs to: act like the bad boy/girl, but shows glimpses of deep emotions. Who’ll make a great effort to figure you out & bring out the best in you.  (More….re. Turn-ons)

• Some Famous ENFJs : Barack Obama, Ronald Regan, Oprah, Diane Sawyer, Dick Van Dyke, King David (Bible), Andy Griffith, Ross Perot, Michael Jordan

NEXT: Co-dep vs Patience