SITE: How to attract each MBTI type



ENTJ – The EXECUTIVE / Chief / Mobilizer

Most COMMANDING  – “World dominator”
2.7% males, 0.9% females

GOAL: To strategize.  
ENTJs are assertive, decisive, outspoken & straightforward. They’re driven to be in charge, readily stepping into leadership roles, & express their ideas forcefully. They value knowledge & competence, with little patience for inefficiency or disorganization. Intelligent & well-informed, they usually excel at public speaking.

They’re career-focused, & live in a world of possibilities, viewing problems as challenges to overcome.  Excellent at understanding difficult organizational problems, they can create solid solutions.  Because they see the big picture & think strategically about the future, they can efficiently mobilize people & resources to meet long-term goals.
Although not naturally tuned into others’ feelings, they can a have strong sentimental streaks.

They’re: authoritative, calculated, challenging, efficient, intense, questioning, strong, strategic, structured.  But not all are bossy & narcissists.

Hidden Side
ENTJs fiercely value free will, but usually aren’t stubborn. If they eventually learn the worth of something they’ve been resisting, they can do a complete 180. Because they carefully analyze situations, this shift can happen more often than not. They’re more aesthetically oriented than other T types, even quite whimsical – although not always visible.
While they can seem cold, they’ll quickly defrost for a cause, or by something they relate to. They can care deeply about misunderstood people & things, urging others to consider relevant facts & circumstances that will eliminate biases. While they’re very independent thinkers, they usually don’t mind (may even prefer) helping & being helped, because of their keen understanding of everyone’s limitations.

Life’s Purpose: Thrive in the impossible
• Their Law: You shall always obey my orders!
• They Comfort others by saying: You don’t have to be sad – we’ll get ice cream or something

• They Say: I make the rules. I’m in charge here! You can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs. I know how to be tough when the situation calls for it
Communication:  They’ll start the conversation if you catch their eye, but you may be doing something they don’t like, so be prepared to run.  They should stop talking about world domination.

Weaknesses:  Arrogant, cold, controlling, dominant, impatient, intolerant, ruthless, stubborn, deny & mishandle emotions
Manipulate: Make others seem less-than with their holier-than-thou attitude, & treating everyone like pawns in their personal life-game

Paradoxes: Leader & stubborn. They’re good at organizing others, & their plan is always better than yours.
Judge people: by their competence  • Fear: Of intimacy
• Are Judged for: not being competent at life

Become STRESSED from situations shown in the illustration
ENTJs believe the source of their distress is totally outside themselves, so they’re quick to blames others for their problems. They see people as needy & illogical, & systems or organizations as inefficient & hindering. They think everything & everyone is holding them back, afraid of being crushed underfoot, so they feel compelled to take matters into their own hands & set things right.

This makes them controlling, stubborn & insensitive to the delicate human element – which includes people’s emotions, ideals & limitations. Feeling increasingly stuck in a frustrating situation, ENTJs will feel out of control & act on visceral impulses – such as physical & verbal violence, manipulation, sexual addiction….

• Hate: Being wrong, close-mindedness, failure, immaturity, not being listened to, people who are ignorant or won’t work together, having to handle something with kid gloves. Someone getting into a position of power over them & then be really dumb. Asking for Help, because they’d rather do it their way

Don’t argue with ENTJs when they’re holding: you in high respect
• Never ignore them. • Never tell them: I want you to redo everything – this just isn’t good enough.

There’s more to ‘stupid people’ than you think.
ENTJs live in the dog-eat-dog world (often of their own choosing), driving themselves strongly, so they unfairly expect the same from others, intimidate people with their take-charge attitude.
They often overlook the contributions of others, ignoring the emotional needs of the people who implement their plans. To soften their harshness, they need to cultivate a confidant or small group of trusted supporters.
Also, playing games with their personal life is a waste of precious time. Finding the right mate may not be easy, but worth the effort. Until then, it would benefit them to get involved in something altruistic or ‘spiritual’ – to cultivate empathy & patience.

ENTJs need to accept that life’s imperfections & everyone’s subjective experiences (emotions) – are normal & natural. Logic is not the answer to everything, so insisting on it only forms an irrational, distorted worldview, causing frustration & disappointment.

ENTJ Relationships (More….)
You enjoy & are energized by stimulating interactions with people. You’re seen by your partners & friends as decisive & fair

• Thrive in any that have: Shared long-term goals  (More…)
• As a Friend, you’re the who’s always commenting on everything everyone does  • Annoyed when: someone’s not very good at ‘life’

ENTJ parent, child of ENTJ, ENTJ child

• Still single because: you’re too busy building your empire
• Unhealthy behavior: plant a keylogger to track your lover’s texts

Show interest by : Being hyper-critical 😦  (cleverness??)
Show Love : You give time & attention, offer advice & help, help them plan
• You want to hear: I’ll follow you

• You’re attractive/sexy because: you’re usually charismatic, calculating & confident in thought & deed – knowing what you’re doing, & pursue goals without needing to second-guess yourself. It makes others feel safe.

• You should DATE someone who: you can take care of & teach them how to be more practical. But also someone who can keep your ego in check, helps you get in touch with a wider variety of emotions, & can teach you to be more sensitive to other people’s feelings.

• To attract you someone needs to: have a strong character but not stronger than you. Who will assure you that being with them is a low-risk investment that will yield a sizable emotional return.

• Some Famous ENTJs: Presidents FDR & Nixon. Al Gore, Margaret Thatcher.  Harrison Ford, Steve Jobs, Dave Letterman, Whoopi Goldberg, Sigourney Weaver







SITEEach MBTI type as enemy




ESTP – ENTREPRENEUR / Doer / Persuader

Most FUN  – “Adrenalin junkie”
3.0% females, 5.6% males

GOAL: To win. 
ESTPs are adaptable & action-oriented, focused on immediate results, who like to take a practical approach to problem-solving that will produce immediate results.  They apply common sense & experience to problems, quickly analyzing what’s wrong, & then fixing it, often in an inventive or resourceful way. Living in the here-and-now, they’re risk-takers who live fast-paced, traveling the world. They tend to be bored by abstract theories, impatient with long explanations, & learn best through doing. 

They have great people-skills – friendly, outgoing straight-shooters, & extremely loyal to their peers. Are good at picking up on little clues about others’ personalities & feelings, & can motivate others by bringing energy into situations. They’re not usually respectful of laws & rules if they get in the way of getting things done. ESTPs leap before they look, fixing their mistakes as they go rather than being idle, but prepare contingencies & escape clauses.

ESTPs are: charming, confident, crude, fearless, logical, spontaneous, trustworthy, unconventional. And not all are obsessed with sex. 

Surprising to some, ESTPs value book-smarts & often enjoy conversing with Rational types. They may not grasp ‘heady’ concepts as easily (nor apply them responsibly), but they find philosophical topics stimulating – just another piece of equipment in life’s big playground. While they’re naturally persuasive, they’re not usually interested in corporate & political arenas where they could thrive. Ladder-climbing in organizations doesn’t appeal to them – in fact, many ESTPs cringe at the very idea, so they rarely pursue these career tracks.

Life’s Purpose:  DOing when others don’t
• Their Law: “You shall always live in the moment!”
• They Comfort others by saying: Alright…..So you’re sad. Why is that?

• They say: I get more from first-hand experience than from study. Rules are made to be broken – so watch me break them! Life’s either a daring adventure or nothing at all
Communication: They’ll talk whether someone likes it or not. Look out world. They should stop talking about nothing.

• Weaknesses:
 Defiant, insensitive, impulsive, impatient, misses big picture, risk-prone, unstructured, contradict themselves
Manipulate: Mess others around because – one day you’re hung-ho about a life-changing project or promise, then lose interest in it the next day

• Paradoxes: (Un-developed ESTP) Knows they shouldn’t, & do it anyway. Bold & undependable. Think they’re funny, &/but only to those like them
Judge people: on their ‘smarts’  • Fear: Of commitment
Are Judged for: not taking life seriously

Become STRESSED from situations shown in the illustration
Under stress they act first, figure things out later. They deal with problems & frustrations by going after more & more external stimulation & adventure (similar to Enneagram 7s). When disappointed or restless, they think it’s time to re-create their (lagging or previous) successful public persona. They either find a new audience to charm, or resort to some grand gesture to reinforce their image & make them feel desirable/ popular again.

However, internally they suffer from a deep sense of emptiness, so intimacy becomes almost impossible as they get increasingly detached from true emotional connections. As stress mounts, they get more agitated, chronically anxious, distracted & paranoid, but overactive, frivolous & too concerned with people’s opinions of them.

• Hate: Asking for help – it makes them feel stupid. Authority. Conventional or monotonous situations. Over-sensitive people. Constantly being asked how they feel about things. Forced to ‘tone it down’. Limits. Stupid people. When someone wants a heart-to-heart talk just as they’re ready to go out for some fun.

• Don’t argue with ESTPs when they’re holding: The door open for you
• Never: Dominate them.  • Never tell them: Nothing you do is very impressive

Advice: Keep your promises, or don’t make them at all.
ESTPs tend to have trouble managing their time, so they can lose interest in long, complex projects. Being so focused on immediate problems will lead to ignoring long-term ongoing issues. They live for excitement!, being the life of the party, thriving on adrenaline!  However, periodically taking some time to shut out the world – & writing down all their adventures – could help to create much-needed balance.

Many ESTPs are uncomfortable focusing on, exploring & talking about relationships. They need to take time to consider their true priorities, & to realize the effect their choices have on others around them. When they assume responsibility for their actions & acknowledge their importance in a larger context, they become more stable, reliable, & emotionally honest.

ESTP Relationships (More….)
truly love life, immersing yourself in it. Partners & friends experience you as adventurous but also pragmatic

• Thrive in any that are: fun & easy-going (More….)
• As a Friend, you’re the one obsessed with that one thing, & will. not. stop. talking. about it!
• Annoyed when: someone never want to go outside

ESTP parent, & child of ESTP, ESTP child

Still single because: it’s your choice
• Unhealthy behavior: Cheating

Show interest by: Being awkward
Show love: You’re attentive to their comfort, will motivate & boost their courage
• You want to hear: I’m excited with you

• You’re attractive/sexy because: Something about your down-to-earth, hands-on style is tantalizing – you ooze ‘tactile’. It’s hard to resist your passion & will-power

You should DATE someone who: doesn’t take your occasional stream of b.s. Who’s intelligent & can stand up to your know-it-all attitude. Who can keep you from taking too many risks, but lets you be yourself, & can also keep you excited

• To attract you (men?), someone needs to: Act sweet, wide-eyed, impressed with everything they do. Their ego will respond well to your fuel.

FAMOUS ESTPs: Donald Trump, cowboy Roy Rodgers, actors Eddie Murphy, Madonna, Bruce Willis, Biblical Jacob (OT) & Peter (NT) (More….)


Meyers-Briggs INTRO (Part 2a)


SITEs: Each TYPE’s Striving Style 
What makes an extrovert?

NOTE: Each dichotomy is on a continuum, from most….<— to —>most…..

The 2 ‘OUTER’  (E-I & J-P)
1. EXTROVERSION (Ext) vs INTROVERSION (Int)Where we prefer to focus our ATTENTION, or get our energy
focus on what’s happening in the real world around them – always in the present moment. Outward-oriented, Es get their mental energy by being around other people & in social situations. They think out loud & so can be quite talkative.

Strongly Extroverted people will gravitate to big events such as rock concerts, have season tickets to sporting events, go to big parties, conferences, loud family gatherings…. energized by conversations, excitement, noise, activities…… After a big events, they’ll look for the stimulation to continue, going on to another location &/or hanging out with friends

EXP: Extroverts will get into a lively discussion or debate / pay attention to what everyone is saying / make a meal for a party / participate in a rally / play a group game / join a study group / lead a class …..
— 💋 —
• Introverts focus on what’s going on inside their mind, which can involve the past, present and future events. They’re usually more private, contained & a lot quieter than Es, but internally very ‘busy’. They get their mental energy from being alone, needing alone-time to recharge, preferring to work through ideas by thinking about them first, before expressing them out loud. Large groups of any kind are draining.

Introverts still need & like people, but want their interactions to be a lot less noisy, less crowded & less chaotic. They can also be found at big events, along with the Es, but after all of that external input they can’t wait to get away & recharge in a quiet environment. If possible, they’ll leave early. And unless they really love it –  or if work requires it or family insists – they’re not likely to repeat the experience.

Instead they do very well with 1 or 2 close friends – or small groups – because they are neuro-chemicals more sensitive. (See Posts ‘MBTI & the Brain’). This characteristic even shows up in shopping – for an I to be in a store or mall with too many options to choose from  – like ‘Bed, Bath & Beyond’ – can feel just as confusing & overwhelming as being in a boisterous crowd (“Pick me, no pick me., no me…”) !!

EXP:  Introvert can get caught up in a good book / think about what they’re going to say or do / are aware of how they feel / daydream or imagine / think through a problem to understand it / review & process an interaction they’ve just had ….

4. JUDGING (J) vs PERCEIVING (P) = Preferred way of DEALING WITH the world around us, & can be either Introverted or Extroverted

Judging (J) – These people prefer to have control & make plans, are methodical, scheduled & tend to be highly organized. They are neat, orderly, stable, & like to make extensive use of lists & calendars. They want things to be settled – so they plan & get things done way ahead of time.

EXP: When we – form & express judgments / bring closure to an issue so that we can move on / pick out places to go ahead of time by doing research / concentrate on reaching goals & ‘doing’ our lists…..
— 👠 —
Perceiving (P) – These people prefer to let things play out by themselves. They’re usually spontaneous & flexible, having a more open-ended approach to plans, deciding their next move in the moment, & tend to get things done at the last minute.

EXP: When we – postpone decisions to see what other options are available / decide what to do as we do it, rather than forming a plan ahead of time / do things at the last minute / do a lot of research but don’t act on it because we can’t decide…..

NOTE: The practical differences between Js & Ps are quite noticeable & sometimes cause a lot of conflict.

A strongly J person can become very frustrated by a P’s careless casualness or indecisiveness, while a strong P can feel limited & controlled by a strong J  – BUT nevertheless may make use of the J‘s extensive planning & preparedness (like on a trip), which can cause the J to feel angry for being taken advantage of!
On the other hand, a ‘mixed’ couple (one of each – friend, spouse, biz  partners…. ) can be complementary if they’re both mature enough to accept their different styles, & use those to accomplish mutual goals.

The 4 MBTI levels combine into 16 types, 8 Introverted & 8 Extroverted





NEXT: MBTI Basics #2b

Mental Health DON’Ts…. (Part 1b)

Screen Shot 2016-07-03 at 1.37.13 AM 

is easy – and fun!


SITE: Physiology and Biology of Mental Toughness


REVIEW Intro in Part 1a



EMHP Don’t Feel Pessimistic
ACoAs are more likely to see themselves (S-H), others & the world from a negative point of view (paranoia & hopelessness). The adults we grew up with were judgmental of everyone & everything, so we took on the same perspective. This meant ignoring all the positive things available in life, including the good things that we did experience.feel positive

EMHP generally feel optimistic about their lives and their futures, without ignoring stresses. They don’t let temporary difficulties or unimportant annoyances get them down – at least not for long. They know that obstacles are part of life, making an effort to solve what ever they can & accepting what they can’t change.
They don’t focus on their weaknesses – while still acknowledging them. No one can be perfect, for they don’t waste time trying. Instead they make continue working on improving themselves rather than feeling defeated.

EMHP Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves
There’s a difference between feeling sorry for yourself & having self-compassion for all that we’ve gone thru. The former is the Victim’s outlook on life, believing they can’t function because of the abuse in their past. While their childhood trauma was real, as adults they refuse to work at healing their damage in order to improve their present & future life. The underlying Victim position is that as long as they’re ‘incapacitated’ someone else will have to take care of them. If no one does, they remain helpless.
On the other hand, EMHP acknowledge their past traumas, with self-compassion, while fully accepting the unfair & painful but realistic truth that we are responsible for cleaning up the PMES mess our unhealthy family created for us.
(See posts ACoAs Feeling sorry – unhealthy & healthy”)

EMHP come to accept the way they were mistreated, both in childhood & as adults, compassionwithout denying the pain they lived thru. They’re able to emerge from trying circumstances with self-awareness & self-respect, even appreciating lessons learned. In the present when things don’t go well, they’re able to find realist ways to manage the situation, get the support they need, & believe in their worth, no matter what. It’s also understandable to feel sorry for one’s self briefly from time to time, especially after an uncontrollable event. It’s necessary to lick our wounds & regroup, to regain strength before moving on. EMHP are able to have gratitude for their positive qualities & the good thing they already have.

EMHP Don’t Avoid Alone Time
Many ACoAs are addicted to relationships and to staying busy, no matter how unsatisfying or damaging. They always need to be with or around someone, rescuing others or creating chaos, running away from themselves – desperate to hang on. They never seem to slow down enough to feel emotions, evaluate their motives or stop self-defeating behavior patterns.

When ACoAs in Recovery have down-time they often find themselves at sea – not knowing what to do with unstructured hours. They feel depressed, too lonely, can’t decide what to do, aren’t allowed to have fun or relax….. often wasting precious weekends or holidays, & then go back to their rat-race. Even those of us who are highly accomplished & talented are motivated by fear, rather than self-esteem.

But EMHP treasure time by themselves – using it to reflect, to plan ahead, to have alone timefun, be creative, do something not related to their work-life OR just rest! There are times when it’s truly necessary to pull back in order to allow for internal healing, but it’s not endless.

They don’t need others to give them a direction or to make them feel OK. They can be happy with others, but also be happy alone. Strong people are comfortable with their thoughts & emotions. If they’re stressed they know how to comfort themselves. They know that using down-time to change their routine or ‘vegging’ to regroup is crucial to mental & physical health. They know that play is part of a well-balanced life, & that they don’t need to constantly be ‘producing’ something to validate their existence. (MORE….)

EMHP Don’t Isolate themselves
At the other extreme, many ACoAs cut themselves off from regular contact with others – sometimes for decades – because of untreated Laundry List characteristics, mainly weak boundaries (Bs), self-hate (S-H) & fear of abandonment (FoA).

And we often confuse isolation (because of our damage) with healthy down-time or temporarily retreating to heal from past or current traumatic events. We also confuse isolation with being an Introvert. Healthy Introverts don’t need as much stimulation (lot’s of people & a flurry of activity), but are as social & talkative as Extroverts, just not in as intensely.

world kidsEMHP know that periodically being alone is need to process difficult experiences or old emotions, a temporary but needed part of personal growth. But they also know that cutting themselves off from emotionally safe & intellectually stimulating people/places/things (PPT) for long periods is not in their best interest.
Human beings do not thrive when isolated from others. Even when they don’t have the ideal family or intimate relationships, EMHP regularly make an effort to develop healthy & loving connections with others, perhaps even forming an extended family.  They make time to create warm & interesting memories.

NOTE: More “EMHP Don’ts” in future posts (Mental, Social & Action)


Mental Health DON’Ts…. (Part 1a)

live well 

is the best revenge!


SITE: 10 Things (physically) Healthy People do differently

SOURCE: Composite of many lists. Based on Amy Morin’s book “13 things Mentally Strong people Don’t Do.” Her 3-pronged approach to developing mental strength is about controlling our thoughts, emotions & behaviors (T.E.A.).

NOTE: Keep in mind that these “Don’ts” are the domain of our  WIC (Damaged Child) & PP  (Introject) therefore characteristics of our damage – which can be corrected. In order to be Mentally/Emotionally healthy we need to develop the Healthy Adult and Loving Parent (the UNIT).
Understanding the reality of our early experiences helps us accept that we can’t ‘Just do it’ or ‘Just let go’. All of Recovery is a process.
ALSO, some of these issues may be more deeply ingrained in us than others & will therefore take longer to heal. Some will never go away, but can be diminished greatly, and we can learn to manage them whenever they surface.

EMHP Don’t Let their Emotions Control them
ACoAs are learn, directly & indirectly, to deny & ignore any emotion the family / school / religion disapproves of. In some families it’s anger, in others it’s sadness & the need to be comforted….. This left us with the Toxic Rule “Don’t feel”. Our individual personalities cope with this injunction by either suppressing most or all emotion & being “all head”, or by consumed by our accumulated pain to the point of being overly-dramatic about anything that is upsetting, either too scared or too angry. This tells us that “If it’s hysterical, it’s historical”.
In either extreme we are being ruled by the WIC not knowing any other way of dealing with this Toxic Rule. In order to be an Emotionally & Mentally Healthy Person the UNIT must be in charge.E. Intelligence

EMHP can tolerate discomfort because they hold less old pain & because they know how to comfort themselves when distressed. They can identify & accept their emotions, know how to process them & chose how to act, so that they’re not controlled by them.
The way we perceive a situation has a tremendous power to either help or harm us. Since our emotions are largely generated by what we’re thinking (see post: T.E.A. & Anxiety) we can modify the reactions to our emotions by correction any CDs we may have. Overcoming challenges starts with seeing things objectively, rather than reacting from childhood damage. (ACoA Laundry List)

EMHP Don’t Try to be Happy all the Time
One of the coping mechanisms for ACoA is the try to be ‘UP’ or ‘positive’ all the time. This usually applies to the Hero (Toxic Role) or the “Good girl/boy” false persona. This is as unrealistic as being miserable all the time. It’s just another way to deny having a wide range of emotions. For every ACoA, happy/sadno matter our style, our underlying emotion is fear/terror. So we need to feel safe before we can truly be happy.

No one is happy all the time. Feeling peaceful & content – a day at a time – does not mean we have no complaints, dislikes or distress. EMHP don’t try to avoid painful emotions but incorporate them in an effort to be whole, to honor their True Self. They know that happiness, victory & fulfillment are a wonderful, valuable part of life, but not the whole story.

EMHP Don’t Live in the Past
ACoAs who are still ruled by the WIC & their PP think, feel & act as if they are still 5, 10 & 15 yrs old – still living in their dysfunctional family. Most of the time our reactions to present day events – positive, negative or neutral – are the same as when we were kids, because we project our family on to all current relationships.

EMHP avoid wasting mental energy in past disappointments OR in fantasies of the ‘good old days’. They’ve carefully evaluated both the distresses & the valuable experiences of their early years, so now they can invest most of their energy in creating the best possible present & future. Being present allows us to see things as they really are. EMHP tend to have a mindful, attentive way of engaging with the world.

As unhealed adults, ACoAs repeat the life-patterns set out for us by our family & other sources, which caused us to take many wrong turns – in the form of repeated harmful relationships, self-harm, deprivations….. While our history contributes to out over-all makeup, we are NOT our damage.live in the present

EMHP learn from their ‘mistakes’ & correct distorted thinking, so avoid repeating harmful patterns. This may include making amends to others (8th & 9th Steps) & forgiving themselves for ignorant or stubborn adherence to their Toxic Rules, so they no longer have to obsess about what happened in the past. EMHP know this takes time & they have the patience & perseverance to always be moving forward, no matter how slowly. One 12-Step slogan says: “Look back but don’t stare”. Some benefits from thinking about the past can be: identifying the lessons, considering facts not just emotions, & looking at PPT from a new perspective.

EMHP Don’t Violate / Sacrifice their Personal Values
Each of us have more than one value system – what we were taught by our family, by our religion, our early social environment, & what we develop in ourselves (from our Core Truth). Some of these may overlap, some may not. The problem for ACoAs is that we are either not allowed to find out what we truly believe, or more often have been so brainwashed by our toxic upbringing that we’re not allowed to live according to our personal beliefs even if we know what they are. (Core Values lists)

EMHP have figured out what they consider important – even essential to their identity – for themselves & in relation to the rest of the world. A value is a belief, a mission, or a philosophy that is meaningful but not always conscious – as many are taken for granted. They know that their personal Core Values are not automatically the same as that of other people or institutions, & they don’t try to impose them on others.

They do NOT value the impossible, like perfectionism, eternal human love, fairness…. They know everyone falls short sometimes, so they get back on the horse when they don’t live up to their ideals, & are also patient & forgiving to others then they also fall short. (MORE….)

NEXT: EMHP – Part 1b

Psychological DISORDERS (Part 4c)


I have to crack thru my walls

PREVIOUS: Disorders #4a



The Five Factor Model (FFM) groups human characteristics into:
1. Conscientiousness – re. dependability
2. Neuroticism – re. emotional stability
3. Agreeableness – re. sociability
4. Extroversion – re. hi levels of positive emotions
5. Openness – re. Intellect   (MORE…. includes extensive assessments)

SIDEBAR: A study of 468 young adults at risk for becoming alcoholics used a questionnaire based on the FFM.  It was designed to correlate: risk for alcoholism, alcohol-use disorder, & alcoholism subtyping . Some results:

• Familial risk for alcoholism was positively associated with openness, and negatively associated with agreeableness & conscientiousness.

• Alcohol use disorders were positively associated with neuroticism, and negatively associated with agreeableness & conscientiousness.

With the exceptions of family alcoholism, & a dual diagnosis with Antisocial PD • all the alcoholic subtypes examined related to at least one of the 5 FFM.

E.M.Jellinek’s (1960) 5 SUBTYPES of alcoholism :
ALPHA : Based in mental & emotional problems, it’s drinking to drive away depression, stress, or anxiety
BETA: almost daily heavy drinkers, leading to various physical & psychological symptoms
GAMMA: sudden cravings for alcohol after 1 or 2 episode of ‘social drinking’, becomes continual drinking, drunkenness & full-fledged alcoholism
DELTA: the habit of drinking small amounts throughout the day, without ever really getting drunk. Like Gamma, but with inability to abstain, instead of loss of control
EPSILON: ‘periodic’ – drinking at regular intervals until they pass out completely – called dipsomania, but being sober more often than drunk

ALSO: 5 types of alcoholics, re. ‘Progressive Symptoms

Research has shown that environmental, genetic, pre-natal factors, as well as unhealthy parenting (no affection + harshness) all contribute to developing PDs

Re. the FFM the extreme reverse of the characteristics identify PATHOLOGY:
1. DIS-INHIBITION (negative of conscientiousness):
Distractible / Impulsive /Irresponsible /Rigid perfectionism / Risk taking 

2. NEGATIVE AFFECT (negative of emotional stability):
Anxious / Emotionally over-reactive w/ mood swings & persistent taking or movement / Hostile / Submissive / Separation anxiety

3. ANTAGONISM (negative of agreeableness):
Attention seeking / Callous / Deceitful / Grandiose / Hostile / Manipulative

4. DETACHMENT (negative of extroversion):
Avoiding intimacy / Depressed – long term / Lack of enjoyment / Limited emotional range / Suspicion-paranoia / Withdrawal

5. PSYCHOTISM (negative of mental lucidity):
Eccentricity / Unusual-unrealistic beliefs & experiences
PDs  are the result of combining continual abuse & neglect in childhood, with the hardening of defenses developed as protection. The type of disorder formed will depend on the interaction between each person’s native personality (including inherited qualities) ➕ the severity of the early abuse ➕ the broader environment that determines a person’s life & growth options.

In the present – staying entrenched in defenses means the walls of the castle are high, the gate is up & the alligators are in the moat. This makes it very unlikely you can take in another point of view – which is all that matters to you – (such as aBR), to keep everyone from adding to your vast pile of insecurities.
Where are your INNER archers & guys with the vats of boiling oil? 

NEGATIVE Toxic Beliefs lock us inside our armor, keeping us from being flexible in our thinking or adaptable in our actions. They lead to a defensive stance in life, as a dysfunctional way of protecting ourselves.
The following list is similar to the one in Part 4a, but here it’s referring to core statements which are each type’s defense (7 out of the 10 PDs, including defensive statements, as well as healing goals for each)

AVOIDER: “I don’t want to be hurt, ever, because I can’t bear it”
BORDERLINE: “No one is allowed to leave me, no matter how much I mistreat them”
DEPENDENT: “Please take care of me”

HYSTERICAL: “Please pay attention to me
NARCISSIST: “Please help me achieve success because I’m special”
OCD : “I act right & the world would be a better place if everyone else did too
PARANOID: “It’s important to keep myself safe – people are not trustworthy & the world is dangerous”  (MORE – scroll down .) 

►Each PD can use one or more Defense Mechanisms to maintain their False Self pattern.
EXP: Narcissistic & Anti-social PDs share minor image-distorting defenses – such as Omnipotence or Devaluation – while NPD also uses Splitting of self-images, & A-S PD uses disavowal defenses like Denial.
— Borderline PD is strongly associated with major image-distorting defenses, mainly Splitting of self & other’s images, as well as the hysterical level defenses of Dissociation &

 NEXT: Disorders 5a

Psychological DISORDERS (Part 4b)

is such hard work!

PREVIOUS: Disorders #4a

SITE: ‘Somatization’ & Psych terms used as swear words

HUMOR: 35 Undiagnosed Medical Conditions of Disney Characters


PDs describe categories of ‘damage’ in adults who have long-standing problems establishing deep, meaningful, positive relationships with others. These people often show unusual, rigid or extreme patterns of thought, emotional reactivity, &/or impulsive behavior that consistently lead to problems for them & others

People with this mental/emotional dysfunction have a wounded core identity.
= At one extreme – some PD people assume they’re invulnerable & have a right to feel superior. They are insulated in their carefully built shell of defenses – and flatly deny having a wounded core

= However, most feel wrong, bad, not right, empty or simply ‘Not OK’ – in their basic sense of Self. The brain uses Self-concept as a guide for interpreting the world. How dysfunctional such people are depends on how intensely they act in self-defeating ways

Their sense of badness has a physical quality about it – it’s in their very bones or cells. They say they’ve always felt this way, that there was never a time where they felt OK, & they truly believe it. (C. ego state Post)

Transactional Analysis theory explains this sense of badness as coming from their WIC’s child parts (C1 or C0) – the most vulnerable aspects of personality. So their sense of badness is ego syntonic – meaning that it ‘makes sense’ to them on a gut level, with no inner conflict, as there are with neurotics. So the damage started very early, likely at birth (Co).

Using the Gestalt technique, if we visualize putting the Adult & Parents aspects of someone in 2 opposite chairs, & imagine the Inner Child between them, we ask “How do you feel about your IC?” Most people will have a fairly positive reaction. Instead, many PDs will say they hate their child – that it’s ugly, dirty, disgusting, full of needs ….. expressing the person’s ingrained sense of worthlessness (typical of many ACoAs!).

💚SIDEBAR: There is now a “Grand Unified Theory” of psychology (GUT) the relationship between psychology & neuroscience …..which clearly defines the field, & how the field relates to other disciplines (like biology & sociology)….
The 4 parts that make up GUT are:
1) the Tree of Knowledge System // 2) the Justification Hypothesis
3) the Influence Matrix  // 4) Behavioral Investment Theory (MORE….)  

Relational INFLUENCE Matrix
The Influence Matrix (IM) maps the dimensions on which people represent themselves in relationship to others.
It grew out of the Behavioral Investment Theory of social motivational & emotional processes, which is based on Attachment Theory. 

The Matrix makes 2 main points:
a. Humans are motivated by the need to be loved, admired & respected
b. They are equally driven by the need to avoid loss – being rejected, criticized or ostracized
(Freud’s Pleasure-Pain principal)

The green ovals on the BLACK axis suggests that people have a mental/ emotional picture of how valuable different types of relationships are, & tend to approach or avoid them accordingly.
💗EXP: Having ‘HI relational value’ can come from accomplishing 
something really hard that other people admire or love you for

✥ Personality Disorder Star (these 2 CHARTS)
Karen Horney’s 3 main NEEDS – ways of relating to others – exactly parallel the IM dimensions (above): Power is used to move against, Love for moving toward & Freedom for moving away. This means that there are separate pathways to deciding relational value

HOWEVER – People with PDs consistently act in ways that reduce the relational value of themselves & others – making their behavior patterns self-defeating, which cause everyone so much distress
EXP: PDs are grouped by the direction of MOVING –
• Against = Narcissistic – being hyper-competitive, constantly needing to demonstrate superiority over others (Steve Jobs)
• Away = Schizoid – a fundamental detachment, with a lack of emotional connection & responsiveness to others
• Toward = Dependent – desperately fearing abandonment, submitting to the will of others to avoid rejection, creating a need to caretake others

 The star shows how certain PDs are the opposites of other negative personality characteristics.
Cluster A people are extreme on the Freedom dimension of relating
Cluster B people are mainly selfish, competitive, manipulative & controlling
Cluster C people (especially Avoidant & Dependent PDs) are deeply concerned with affiliation – come here or go away – at any cost

Note that only 6 out of the 10 PDs are represented. The others tend to be combinations.
EXP: Borderlines (BPD) fluctuate between strong displays of dependency/ neediness followed by extreme displays of reactive hostility – described in”I hate you, don’t leave me” by Kreitman & Straus. They are less rigid than most PDs, with a weak or fragmented identity, & strong needs for all 3 (power, love & freedom), covering up a basically insecure Self (LO relational value).

NEXT: Personality Disorders (Part 4c)