MBTI Type – ESTJ

 


PREVIOUS: ESTP

SITEs: Each MBTI type at their Best

 

 

The EXTROVERTS (EX)


ESTJ
– EXECUTIVE / Supervisor / Overseer
Extrovert-Sensing-Thinking-Judging

Most FORCEFUL  – “That boss”
• 11.2% males, 6.3% females

NATURAL
GOAL: To execute.  
ESTJs are realistic, matter-of-fact, take-charge types. They usually have a definite vision of how things should be – easily stepping into leadership roles. They honor traditions & laws, with a clear set of standards & beliefs,  highly valuing honesty, dedication, dignity & security.

They’re practical & organized, putting a lot of effort into all they do. They excel at getting projects & people to their goals, as well as handling routine details. ESTJs are not interested in theories or abstractions unless they have practical applications.

Living in a present world of facts & concrete needs, many are likely to be athletic. As the loyal “Good citizen” they constantly scan the environment to make sure everything’s running smoothly & systematically. They use their understanding of what’s right, wrong & socially acceptable – to bring families & communities together.  (More….)

ESTJs are: anal, fair, determined, efficient, opinionated, productive, responsible, sociable, traditional. And not all are complainers.

HIDDEN side
Most of them aren’t actually self-righteous. If they are, it’s only toward their family, mainly from insecurity rather than because they think they’ve made the best decisions for everyone they love. In fact, when someone close to them makes life-choices different from their own, they secretly worry that maybe they should have taken a different route in their own life. Out of the SJ types (Sensing-Judging), they’re probably the worst at teamwork.

• Life’s Purpose: Bringing direction to the leaderless
• Their Law: You shall never make excuses for your incompetence
• They ‘Comfort’ others by saying: What the @#$% are feelings & why do you feel that way anyway??

• They say: I’ve written the rules down, & made copies for every one. I like to see things done correctly. Good order is the foundation of all things. Business before pleasure!
Communication: The ESTJ will tell someone if they’re making them angry. Please. Stop. They should stop talking about how nobody listens to them.

• Weaknesses: Inflexible, judgmental, stubborn, trouble expressing emotions, trouble relaxing, too dependent on structure / trouble with unconventional situations, too subjective
Manipulate: Push their will or idea by preaching about something 20 different ways to make sure others really get it

• Paradox: (Un-developed ESTJ) Orderly & unchanging (rigid: won’t allow whining in a hospital)
Judge people by: How competent they are
Are judged for: being too bossy  • Fear: Of uncertainty

Become STRESSED from situations shown in the illustration
Under stress, ESTJs can too easily become domineering & inflexible, with an “Do exactly as I say….or else!” attitude. They’ll see others as ‘too sensitive’ & weak, so assume it’s time to take control & set things right, Impose their viewpoint on everything & everyone, they’ll be convinced their logic is the only valid standard.
Ironically they’ll also be hypersensitive & emotionally reactive (rather than proactive). They crave personal contact & affection, but are unwilling to let emotions show, taking it as the weakness they despise in others. (Similar to lower-level Enneagram 8s).
They accuse others of being corrupt, subjective & disrespectful, justifying their self-righteous anger. As the pressure becomes intolerable, they let out frustration inappropriately: bursts of rage, intense controlling, impulsive actions, addictions

• Hate: Anyone constantly goofing off, being disrespected or ignored, disorder, others making dumb jokes – or just crying. Forced to be emotionally open. Not in control of their life. Anyone showing up very late to a planned meeting, & telling the ESTJ they just ‘lost track of time’.  Asking for Help, because it makes them feel incompetent

• Don’t argue with ESTJs when they’re holding: A frying pan
• Never: Underestimate them.  • Never tell them: You’re not good enough

GROWTH
• Advice: Don’t expect everyone to be the same or try to make them be like you! 
ESTJs are very much a been-there-done-that type. In boring situations why not use the time to quietly plan something interesting? Always giving too much of themselves to their tasks, it would be good for them to occasionally forget about work & people – taking time to actually live in their life, letting each second slow to a halt to drink in their surroundings.

Focusing too much on the objective pursuit of their goals, they ignore ideas or feelings of others, because they’re not comfortable when emotional intimacy is required. They need to learn to accept the personal, subjective parts of themselves in order to connect with others – preventing isolation & loneliness.

Not waiting to get enough info before jumping into action, they can miss opportunities not already part of their plans. It would help to accept that they can’t control every outcome, no matter how hard they work – not everything fits rational principles – by acting on things they can legitimately be in charge of.

ESTJ Relationships
You
enjoy interacting with others, take relationships seriously & want to fulfill your roles responsibly. Partners & friends experience you as conscientious & dependable

• Thrive in any that are: steady & predictable (More…)
• As a Friend, you’re the one who takes the lead & makes sure everyone is getting their work done • Angry when: someone publicly humiliates you

• ESTJ parent, & child of ESTJ, ESTJ child

Still single because: you give off control-freak vibes
• Unhealthy behavior: Running way from hearing “I love you” for the first time

Show interest by: Being attentive, & an ‘ultra’ listener
Show Love: You handle practical matters for them, share useful info & advice
• You want to hear: I listen to you

• You’re attractive/sexy because: You have a commanding presence, seem strong, secure & in control. People wish they could handle things thrown at them the way you can. It’s hard to miss you with all that confidence.

• You should date someone who: can let you take charge, but also can stand up to you & put you in your place when you get too head-strong

• To attract you, someone needs to:  Have excellent hygiene, & constantly tell you you’re right.

• Some famous ESTJs: Presidents Truman, G.W. Bush & LBJ, actors Bette Davis, Barbara Stanwyck, Frank Sinatra, Rev. Billy Graham, Judge Judy, Ann Coulter (More….)

NEXT: ESFP

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MBTI Type – ESTP

 

 

PREVIOUS: MBTI Intro 2b

SITEEach MBTI type as enemy

 

 

The EXTROVERTS (EX)

ESTP – ENTREPRENEUR / Doer / Persuader
Extrovert-Sensing-Thinking-Perceiving

Most FUN  – “Adrenalin junkie”
3.0% females, 5.6% males

NATURAL
GOAL: To win. 
ESTPs are adaptable & action-oriented, focused on immediate results, who like to take a practical approach to problem-solving that will produce immediate results.  They apply common sense & experience to problems, quickly analyzing what’s wrong, & then fixing it, often in an inventive or resourceful way. Living in the here-and-now, they’re risk-takers who live fast-paced, traveling the world. They tend to be bored by abstract theories, impatient with long explanations, & learn best through doing. 

They have great people-skills – friendly, outgoing straight-shooters, & extremely loyal to their peers. Are good at picking up on little clues about others’ personalities & feelings, & can motivate others by bringing energy into situations. They’re not usually respectful of laws & rules if they get in the way of getting things done. ESTPs leap before they look, fixing their mistakes as they go rather than being idle, but prepare contingencies & escape clauses.

ESTPs are: charming, confident, crude, fearless, logical, spontaneous, trustworthy, unconventional. And not all are obsessed with sex. 

HIDDEN side
Surprising to some, ESTPs value book-smarts & often enjoy conversing with Rational types. They may not grasp ‘heady’ concepts as easily (nor apply them responsibly), but they find philosophical topics stimulating – just another piece of equipment in life’s big playground. While they’re naturally persuasive, they’re not usually interested in corporate & political arenas where they could thrive. Ladder-climbing in organizations doesn’t appeal to them – in fact, many ESTPs cringe at the very idea, so they rarely pursue these career tracks.

Life’s Purpose:  DOing when others don’t
• Their Law: “You shall always live in the moment!”
• They Comfort others by saying: Alright…..So you’re sad. Why is that?

• They say: I get more from first-hand experience than from study. Rules are made to be broken – so watch me break them! Life’s either a daring adventure or nothing at all
Communication: They’ll talk whether someone likes it or not. Look out world. They should stop talking about nothing.

• Weaknesses:
 Defiant, insensitive, impulsive, impatient, misses big picture, risk-prone, unstructured, contradict themselves
Manipulate: Mess others around because – one day you’re hung-ho about a life-changing project or promise, then lose interest in it the next day

• Paradoxes: (Un-developed ESTP) Knows they shouldn’t, & do it anyway. Bold & undependable. Think they’re funny, &/but only to those like them
Judge people: on their ‘smarts’  • Fear: Of commitment
Are Judged for: not taking life seriously

Become STRESSED from situations shown in the illustration
Under stress they act first, figure things out later. They deal with problems & frustrations by going after more & more external stimulation & adventure (similar to Enneagram 7s). When disappointed or restless, they think it’s time to re-create their (lagging or previous) successful public persona. They either find a new audience to charm, or resort to some grand gesture to reinforce their image & make them feel desirable/ popular again.

However, internally they suffer from a deep sense of emptiness, so intimacy becomes almost impossible as they get increasingly detached from true emotional connections. As stress mounts, they get more agitated, chronically anxious, distracted & paranoid, but overactive, frivolous & too concerned with people’s opinions of them.

• Hate: Asking for help – it makes them feel stupid. Authority. Conventional or monotonous situations. Over-sensitive people. Constantly being asked how they feel about things. Forced to ‘tone it down’. Limits. Stupid people. When someone wants a heart-to-heart talk just as they’re ready to go out for some fun.

• Don’t argue with ESTPs when they’re holding: The door open for you
• Never: Dominate them.  • Never tell them: Nothing you do is very impressive

GROWTH
Advice: Keep your promises, or don’t make them at all.
ESTPs tend to have trouble managing their time, so they can lose interest in long, complex projects. Being so focused on immediate problems will lead to ignoring long-term ongoing issues. They live for excitement!, being the life of the party, thriving on adrenaline!  However, periodically taking some time to shut out the world – & writing down all their adventures – could help to create much-needed balance.

Many ESTPs are uncomfortable focusing on, exploring & talking about relationships. They need to take time to consider their true priorities, & to realize the effect their choices have on others around them. When they assume responsibility for their actions & acknowledge their importance in a larger context, they become more stable, reliable, & emotionally honest.

ESTP Relationships (More….)
You
truly love life, immersing yourself in it. Partners & friends experience you as adventurous but also pragmatic

• Thrive in any that are: fun & easy-going (More….)
• As a Friend, you’re the one obsessed with that one thing, & will. not. stop. talking. about it!
• Annoyed when: someone never want to go outside

ESTP parent, & child of ESTP, ESTP child

Still single because: it’s your choice
• Unhealthy behavior: Cheating

Show interest by: Being awkward
Show love: You’re attentive to their comfort, will motivate & boost their courage
• You want to hear: I’m excited with you

• You’re attractive/sexy because: Something about your down-to-earth, hands-on style is tantalizing – you ooze ‘tactile’. It’s hard to resist your passion & will-power

You should DATE someone who: doesn’t take your occasional stream of b.s. Who’s intelligent & can stand up to your know-it-all attitude. Who can keep you from taking too many risks, but lets you be yourself, & can also keep you excited

• To attract you (men?), someone needs to: Act sweet, wide-eyed, impressed with everything they do. Their ego will respond well to your fuel.

FAMOUS ESTPs: Donald Trump, cowboy Roy Rodgers, actors Eddie Murphy, Madonna, Bruce Willis, Biblical Jacob (OT) & Peter (NT) (More….)

NEXT: ESTJ

Mental Health DON’Ts…. (Part 1b)

Screen Shot 2016-07-03 at 1.37.13 AM 

MENTAL HEALTH
is easy – and fun!



PREVIOUS: EMHP – Part 1a


SITE: Physiology and Biology of Mental Toughness

 

REVIEW Intro in Part 1a


EMOTIONALLY & MENTALLY HEALTHY People (EMHP):

EMOTIONAL / PSYCHOLOGICAL (cont.)

EMHP Don’t Feel Pessimistic
ACoAs are more likely to see themselves (S-H), others & the world from a negative point of view (paranoia & hopelessness). The adults we grew up with were judgmental of everyone & everything, so we took on the same perspective. This meant ignoring all the positive things available in life, including the good things that we did experience.feel positive

EMHP generally feel optimistic about their lives and their futures, without ignoring stresses. They don’t let temporary difficulties or unimportant annoyances get them down – at least not for long. They know that obstacles are part of life, making an effort to solve what ever they can & accepting what they can’t change.
They don’t focus on their weaknesses – while still acknowledging them. No one can be perfect, for they don’t waste time trying. Instead they make continue working on improving themselves rather than feeling defeated.

EMHP Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves
There’s a difference between feeling sorry for yourself & having self-compassion for all that we’ve gone thru. The former is the Victim’s outlook on life, believing they can’t function because of the abuse in their past. While their childhood trauma was real, as adults they refuse to work at healing their damage in order to improve their present & future life. The underlying Victim position is that as long as they’re ‘incapacitated’ someone else will have to take care of them. If no one does, they remain helpless.
On the other hand, EMHP acknowledge their past traumas, with self-compassion, while fully accepting the unfair & painful but realistic truth that we are responsible for cleaning up the PMES mess our unhealthy family created for us.
(See posts ACoAs Feeling sorry – unhealthy & healthy”)

EMHP come to accept the way they were mistreated, both in childhood & as adults, compassionwithout denying the pain they lived thru. They’re able to emerge from trying circumstances with self-awareness & self-respect, even appreciating lessons learned. In the present when things don’t go well, they’re able to find realist ways to manage the situation, get the support they need, & believe in their worth, no matter what. It’s also understandable to feel sorry for one’s self briefly from time to time, especially after an uncontrollable event. It’s necessary to lick our wounds & regroup, to regain strength before moving on. EMHP are able to have gratitude for their positive qualities & the good thing they already have.

EMHP Don’t Avoid Alone Time
Many ACoAs are addicted to relationships and to staying busy, no matter how unsatisfying or damaging. They always need to be with or around someone, rescuing others or creating chaos, running away from themselves – desperate to hang on. They never seem to slow down enough to feel emotions, evaluate their motives or stop self-defeating behavior patterns.

When ACoAs in Recovery have down-time they often find themselves at sea – not knowing what to do with unstructured hours. They feel depressed, too lonely, can’t decide what to do, aren’t allowed to have fun or relax….. often wasting precious weekends or holidays, & then go back to their rat-race. Even those of us who are highly accomplished & talented are motivated by fear, rather than self-esteem.

But EMHP treasure time by themselves – using it to reflect, to plan ahead, to have alone timefun, be creative, do something not related to their work-life OR just rest! There are times when it’s truly necessary to pull back in order to allow for internal healing, but it’s not endless.

They don’t need others to give them a direction or to make them feel OK. They can be happy with others, but also be happy alone. Strong people are comfortable with their thoughts & emotions. If they’re stressed they know how to comfort themselves. They know that using down-time to change their routine or ‘vegging’ to regroup is crucial to mental & physical health. They know that play is part of a well-balanced life, & that they don’t need to constantly be ‘producing’ something to validate their existence. (MORE….)

EMHP Don’t Isolate themselves
At the other extreme, many ACoAs cut themselves off from regular contact with others – sometimes for decades – because of untreated Laundry List characteristics, mainly weak boundaries (Bs), self-hate (S-H) & fear of abandonment (FoA).

And we often confuse isolation (because of our damage) with healthy down-time or temporarily retreating to heal from past or current traumatic events. We also confuse isolation with being an Introvert. Healthy Introverts don’t need as much stimulation (lot’s of people & a flurry of activity), but are as social & talkative as Extroverts, just not in as intensely.

world kidsEMHP know that periodically being alone is need to process difficult experiences or old emotions, a temporary but needed part of personal growth. But they also know that cutting themselves off from emotionally safe & intellectually stimulating people/places/things (PPT) for long periods is not in their best interest.
Human beings do not thrive when isolated from others. Even when they don’t have the ideal family or intimate relationships, EMHP regularly make an effort to develop healthy & loving connections with others, perhaps even forming an extended family.  They make time to create warm & interesting memories.

NOTE: More “EMHP Don’ts” in future posts (Mental, Social & Action)

NEXT:

Mental Health DON’Ts…. (Part 1a)

live well 

LIVING WELL
is the best revenge!

PREVIOUS:

SITE: 10 Things (physically) Healthy People do differently

SOURCE: Composite of many lists. Based on Amy Morin’s book “13 things Mentally Strong people Don’t Do.” Her 3-pronged approach to developing mental strength is about controlling our thoughts, emotions & behaviors (T.E.A.).

NOTE: Keep in mind that these “Don’ts” are the domain of our  WIC (Damaged Child) & PP  (Introject) therefore characteristics of our damage – which can be corrected. In order to be Mentally/Emotionally healthy we need to develop the Healthy Adult and Loving Parent (the UNIT).
Understanding the reality of our early experiences helps us accept that we can’t ‘Just do it’ or ‘Just let go’. All of Recovery is a process.
ALSO, some of these issues may be more deeply ingrained in us than others & will therefore take longer to heal. Some will never go away, but can be diminished greatly, and we can learn to manage them whenever they surface.

EMOTIONALLY & MENTALLY HEALTHY People (EMHP):
EMOTIONAL / PSYCHOLOGICAL
EMHP Don’t Let their Emotions Control them
ACoAs are learn, directly & indirectly, to deny & ignore any emotion the family / school / religion disapproves of. In some families it’s anger, in others it’s sadness & the need to be comforted….. This left us with the Toxic Rule “Don’t feel”. Our individual personalities cope with this injunction by either suppressing most or all emotion & being “all head”, or by consumed by our accumulated pain to the point of being overly-dramatic about anything that is upsetting, either too scared or too angry. This tells us that “If it’s hysterical, it’s historical”.
In either extreme we are being ruled by the WIC not knowing any other way of dealing with this Toxic Rule. In order to be an Emotionally & Mentally Healthy Person the UNIT must be in charge.E. Intelligence

EMHP can tolerate discomfort because they hold less old pain & because they know how to comfort themselves when distressed. They can identify & accept their emotions, know how to process them & chose how to act, so that they’re not controlled by them.
The way we perceive a situation has a tremendous power to either help or harm us. Since our emotions are largely generated by what we’re thinking (see post: T.E.A. & Anxiety) we can modify the reactions to our emotions by correction any CDs we may have. Overcoming challenges starts with seeing things objectively, rather than reacting from childhood damage. (ACoA Laundry List)

EMHP Don’t Try to be Happy all the Time
One of the coping mechanisms for ACoA is the try to be ‘UP’ or ‘positive’ all the time. This usually applies to the Hero (Toxic Role) or the “Good girl/boy” false persona. This is as unrealistic as being miserable all the time. It’s just another way to deny having a wide range of emotions. For every ACoA, happy/sadno matter our style, our underlying emotion is fear/terror. So we need to feel safe before we can truly be happy.

No one is happy all the time. Feeling peaceful & content – a day at a time – does not mean we have no complaints, dislikes or distress. EMHP don’t try to avoid painful emotions but incorporate them in an effort to be whole, to honor their True Self. They know that happiness, victory & fulfillment are a wonderful, valuable part of life, but not the whole story.

EMHP Don’t Live in the Past
ACoAs who are still ruled by the WIC & their PP think, feel & act as if they are still 5, 10 & 15 yrs old – still living in their dysfunctional family. Most of the time our reactions to present day events – positive, negative or neutral – are the same as when we were kids, because we project our family on to all current relationships.

EMHP avoid wasting mental energy in past disappointments OR in fantasies of the ‘good old days’. They’ve carefully evaluated both the distresses & the valuable experiences of their early years, so now they can invest most of their energy in creating the best possible present & future. Being present allows us to see things as they really are. EMHP tend to have a mindful, attentive way of engaging with the world.

As unhealed adults, ACoAs repeat the life-patterns set out for us by our family & other sources, which caused us to take many wrong turns – in the form of repeated harmful relationships, self-harm, deprivations….. While our history contributes to out over-all makeup, we are NOT our damage.live in the present

EMHP learn from their ‘mistakes’ & correct distorted thinking, so avoid repeating harmful patterns. This may include making amends to others (8th & 9th Steps) & forgiving themselves for ignorant or stubborn adherence to their Toxic Rules, so they no longer have to obsess about what happened in the past. EMHP know this takes time & they have the patience & perseverance to always be moving forward, no matter how slowly. One 12-Step slogan says: “Look back but don’t stare”. Some benefits from thinking about the past can be: identifying the lessons, considering facts not just emotions, & looking at PPT from a new perspective.

EMHP Don’t Violate / Sacrifice their Personal Values
Each of us have more than one value system – what we were taught by our family, by our religion, our early social environment, & what we develop in ourselves (from our Core Truth). Some of these may overlap, some may not. The problem for ACoAs is that we are either not allowed to find out what we truly believe, or more often have been so brainwashed by our toxic upbringing that we’re not allowed to live according to our personal beliefs even if we know what they are. (Core Values lists)

EMHP have figured out what they consider important – even essential to their identity – for themselves & in relation to the rest of the world. A value is a belief, a mission, or a philosophy that is meaningful but not always conscious – as many are taken for granted. They know that their personal Core Values are not automatically the same as that of other people or institutions, & they don’t try to impose them on others.

They do NOT value the impossible, like perfectionism, eternal human love, fairness…. They know everyone falls short sometimes, so they get back on the horse when they don’t live up to their ideals, & are also patient & forgiving to others then they also fall short. (MORE….)

NEXT: EMHP – Part 1b

COMMUNICATION Categories (Part 6)


NOBODY SEEMS
to be listening to me!

PREVIOUS: Comm categories #2 

QUOTE: “A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.”
Mark Twain

 

CATEGORIZING Communication (Comm) cont.

7. Re. WAYS to ENGAGE in comm
Level 1: Messages into the Ether
Snail mail, email & texting have some things in common. They’re sent out, & a response can sometimes take days or weeks. Since they’re not conversational (back & forth) there can be a high level of misunderstanding, possibly leading to hurt feelings, even fights.

Level 2: Back & forth Messaging
It’s conversational, but still done remotely (IM, text….). Such exchanges are more casual & direct, so confusion is less likely, since one or both can catch distortions or misses with each reply.
However, its bite-size style means it’s not well-suited to discussing complex issues.

Level 3: A Verbal Dialogue
Here participants get to express their opinions directly, plus adding a whole layer of implied info via Para-language. These can hint at excitement, pleasure, peacefulness OR annoyance, frustration, stress…. that are harder to detect in writing. A drawback is that they often require scheduling, but sometimes things need to be cleared up quickly via phone.

Level 4: In-Person Spontaneous Discussion
When something important comes up unexpectedly, we might decide to seek out the others person for a conversation. Spontaneous discussions can be  effective for problem-solving, getting an immediate need met or making a plan. Benefits come from adding a new level of mutual understanding & co-operation. But it doesn’t always work – discomfort with spontaneity, lack of privacy, the other person being too busy or not in the mood…. can get in the way.

Level 5: In-Person Scheduled Discussion
What makes this level special is the mutual agreement to set aside time.
Planning does not have to make the meeting Formal, but gives both parties time to think about the topic. Successful & dynamic interactions come from combining self-awareness, non-verbal intelligence & privacy, to ensure comfort & trust. (From )

VALUE: Observing admired leaders, we can see that good comm. judgment is very important to their success.
For example, knowing what
can be done at Level 2, versus what must be done Level 5 – & doing it – is a sign of sound leadership instinct, as well as knowing what to expect in personal relationships.

8. Re. PMES Categories
SOCIAL
: Talking about anything of mutual interest – news, sports, weather…. It’s superficial but truly useful, allowing us to function among strangers without burdening them with TMI about our life.  It also helps determine whether someone is neutral, a potential friend or enemy

MENTAL: Talking about facts, helpful tips, ideas, non-controversial beliefs, plans & strategies, as in professional conversations. Unfortunately, some people go out of their way to be the ‘best’ at it, so that no one is smarter, wittier or more knowledgeable, & they never have to be wrong.

The distance between the first two levels is relatively short. Polite conversation can turn into a mentally stimulating one very quickly & then collapse back into small talk or none at all – without discomfort. Except for conversations with a controlling know-it-all, these two levels are safe.

EMOTIONAL: Here talk is about aspirations, fears, wants, needs & joys. Sometimes eyes well up, lips quiver, & the voice chokes. Other times those same eyes light up, heart pounds & words flow with joy, or fail from awe.

• The distance between #1 & 2 AND #3 is rather wide, because #3 requires intimacy, transparency, trust & vulnerability. Most of us are afraid of being wrong or looking foolish, & absolutely terrified of rejection.
Participating at this level opens us to possible rejection, hurt & being scarred. Over-all, this level is easier for women to navigate, partly expressing emotions is more socially acceptable, & because a portion of women’s Corpus Callosum is thicker than men’s, perhaps allowing more access across the hemispheres emotions to be verbalized  (MORE….)

SPIRITUAL. This is the hardest to identify & describe, not only because our culture is so secular, but because few people are willing to drop down into the level of faith – for themselves – much less to speak of it to others.
It melts away push-pull, give-take win-lose, me-you. There are no distortions from emotional mental or social games, allowing for the highest level of resonance, creating an energetic embrace that sustains & heals.

‼️ Understanding all these forms of comm allows us to identify & then choose which is most appropriate for any given situation.
It can be too easy to go down the path of least resistance, but that can get us into trouble, so it’s important to be more thoughtful about how & when we communicate.
It’s better to do it the right way – focusing on our goals & using whichever level will help us get there.

NEXT: Comm. Levels #3

COMMUNICATION Categories (Part 4)

 

I HAVE SO MANY OPTIONS
for connecting with others

PREVIOUS: Categories #3

QUOTE: “A genius is capable of making the complex simple.
An idiot is capable of making the simple complex!”

 


CATEGORIES of Communication
(Comm) cont.

6a. Re. Mechanical Networks
a. Local Area – A network of computers in a localized area, such as office or school. All are connected through the LAN via a hub or a switch. A large number of computers drag down the speed of a LAN

b. Wide area – Covers a large geographical area, usually made up of multiple computer networks. The Internet is a WAN that relies on a large global interface of service providers using routers, switches, modems & servers, which carries data, media & Web pages

c. Public Switched –  A network of circuit-switched telephones – basically the phone version of the Internet. Today it’s mainly digital, which includes services for both cells & landlines

d. Telecommunication – The transmission of signals over a large distance, usually by electromagnetic waves. It’s used for TV, radio & phones, as well as computer data

e. Wireless – It provided info transmission & network connectivity to devices without cables or wires – such as broadcast radio – over long geographical distances. Wi-Fi is for computers & Bluetooth is a shorter-range version, which connects with a nearby mobile phone

f. Satellite – It comes in several types, such as those used by phone companies. Some provide navigation info, military surveillance or weather data. Others provide TV programming, radio broadcasts, even broadband Internet service

TOPOLOGIES : the ways component parts are interrelated or arranged
NODE:  hub or switch // workstation or other device

STAR – a comm. network where each component is attached to a central node, with a point-to-point connection. This reduces the probability of network failure. All peripheral nodes can only communicate with all others by transmitting to, and receiving from, the central node

BUS – each node is connected to a single cable – the network’s backbone – via interface connectors. A signal from the source travels in both directions to all connected machines until it finds the intended recipient. If the machine address does not match the intended address for the data, it ignores the sent info

RING – a  bus topology LAN in a closed loop, forming a single continuous pathway for signals going through each node, with data only traveling around the ring in one direction. When data is sent from any one node to another, it passes through each intermediate node until it reaches its destination

MESH – a LAN, WLAN or VLAN. In ‘full mesh’, each network node is connected directly to all the others. In partial mesh, some nodes are connected to all, while others are only connected to those nodes they exchange the most data with

Mesh networks are expected to play an important part in the Internet of Things (IoT). Unlike the star, which require a router to deliver Internet service, network nodes are decentralized, so they can “talk” directly to each other without requiring an Internet connection. A big advantage is that there can’t be a single point of failure (SPoF).

IoT – In 2016 30 cities (including Phoenix, Dallas & Fort Worth) were connect to a new M2M network specifically geared towards the Internet of Things (IoT), by Ingenu, the company building the project. The Machine Network, as it will be called, will be the “largest exclusive IoT and M2M network serving 100 million users in the U.S. covering nearly 100,000 square miles.”
The technology is designed to avoid interference by being able to self-modulate within the band to find a clear signal at both network & device levels

HYBRID networks – combining 2 or more basic topologies, so the resulting network is different (not bus, star, ring…..). EXPs: A tree network is a star interconnected via a bus , but a Tree connected to another Tree is still topologically the same, not a distinct type. A star-ring network consists of two or more ring networks connected, using a multi-station access unit (MAU) as a centralized hub. 2 other hybrids are hybrid mesh and hierarchical star. (MORE…. Wikipedia)

 EDITORIAL comment: NOTE all the acronyms!
NEXT: Comm. Categories #5

COMMUNICATION Categories (Part 2)


I GET ALONG BEST

with people who get me

PREVIOUS: Comm Cat. #1

SITE: Barriers to Communication Chart

◀️ Designed & assembled by DMT

 

CATEGORIES of Communication (Comm) cont.

2. Re. AVAILABILITY to self & others
The Johari Window works best for groups because it allows for self-awareness & useful feedback. It can also be used to track the growth of an individual, in their progress towards intimacy in 1-to-1 relationships.

Even when we decide to take the risk of being open with others, doing so fully is much scarier & more complicated than most will admit. The chart shows what people know or don’t know about themselves, & what they reveal or don’t reveal to others.

NOTE: I = the individual, & O = the other person (not the group)
The size of each section increases or decreases as relationships change.

GREEN: Initially, what is known & shared with others will be very small. Naturally, the larger the Open section, the better the communication.
ORANGE: Characteristics that are un-known about ‘I’, both to oneself & to the group or to ‘O’
RED: What is un-known to ‘I’, but visible to most others. With ‘I’s’ courage & the right kind of mirroring by others, ‘I’ can become more self-aware
AQUA: What is known to ‘I’ but not to others, & stays that way until trust develops, allowing ‘I’ to gradually reveal more & more about oneself

3. Re. FORMS of Comm.
a. Verbal – using words to deliver an intended message. While it’s still the most successful form, this makes up only @ 7-20% of all human comm! Effectiveness depends on clarity, grammar, vocabulary & writing style, plus the skillful use of the other 80%
— Written: brochures, contracts, formal business proposals, handbooks, memos, press releases…..
— Oral: face-to-face or phone, voice chat, video conferencing …. Can be either Informal, such as the grapevine & rumor mill, arguing a topic…. or Formal, such as conferences, debates, lectures….

b. Visual Aids: Use of color, drawings & illustrations, electronic media, graphic design, typography….
Graphs & charts usually reinforce anything written, or can replace it altogether.

c. Para-language (Non-verbal/gestural) : Physical ways to convey thoughts & feelings. The way something is said – expressing approval, interest or lack of it. (MORE….)
It includes emotion, intonation, pitch, style of speaking, stress, tone, & voice quality & touch. Some research estimates tone of the voice accounts for 38% of all comm, 55% is from body posture & gestures, & only 7% from the actual words used.

EXP: Shortcuts • shrugging = “I don’t know”
• looking away = “I’m thinking” OR “I’m lying / withholding”
• holding a hand up = ‘stop / back off’
• crooking a finger = asking someone to come closer
• wagging a finger = saying “naughty, naughty”
• tapping or patting = “Hello / Pay attention / I empathize / “Poor dear”…..
• laughing = “I agree/ identify”OR “I think that’s ridiculous”
• tone of voice = pleasure at seeing someone, OR displeasure / anger about something…..

Other FORMS can also express one’s personality, social status & taste :
Aesthetic comm & creative expressions – dancing, art work….
Appearance, & style of dressing/ grooming
Space language – owning paintings & landscapes
Symbols – any religious or ego-building images
(From: Bright Hub Project Management)

4. Re. SYNERGY levels, via TRUST + CO-OPERATION
Synergy means that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts – so inter-actions between them create new connections. The result is not just another ‘part’, but the most catalytic, empowering, unifying & exciting outcome.(CHART)

LOW-Trust: These interactions are expressed thru defensive, over-protective & often legalistic language – used to ‘covers all the bases’, to indicate escape clauses & qualifiers (if…then) – in case things ‘go south’

MIDDLE: This is ‘careful’ Comm, used by average/normal people, who have respect for each other, & want to avoid the possibility of ugly confrontations, so they’re polite rather than emphatic or confrontive. They might understand each other intellectually, but are not likely aware of their own underlying patterns & assumptions, so aren’t really open to new possibilities available from connecting with others

HIGH: Synergy allows interactions with creative solutions offered by others that are much better than any available at the lower levels. Here all participant know it, feel it & enjoy the outcome – practical, emotional &/or artistic. It means that 1+1 may equal 8, 16, or even 1,600. The possibility of truly significant gains & improvements in such relationships are so real that it’s worth the risk to let oneself welcome the unknown. 

NEXT: Comm Categories #3